Category Archives: Indian Politics

The Modi-Rahul PM battle…

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· Nitish: Ek mayaan main do talwaar nahi raha sakte…
Modi: Woh to theek hai, par doosra talwaar kahaan hai?

· That Modi is an extremely boastful character, especially when compared to Rahul!
(That Modi has many achievements to boast of and Rahul has none is a different story altogether.)

· Like Good Cop Bad Cop, Modi and Rahul play Good PM Bad PM regularly.

· Since we call him NaMo, why don’t we call the other guy RaGa?

· Action speaks louder than words.
In Rahul Gandhi’s case, his action is mute and his words say even less.

· Modi can’t spell agriculture.
Congress can’t spell grace, humility, honesty and maybe even governance.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Some Modisms…

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Modification: The notion that Narendra Modi will convert the whole country to his point of view and become Prime Minister in the end.

Modivation: Modi’s speeches, which leave all the other politicians far behind.

Modisty: The opposite of Modesty, according to his critics, since the Chief Minister just keeps listing his achievements in Gujarat.

Modirnty: A new age where the Gujarat model will be replicated in India.

Modirate: Definitely not a moderate because he supports Modi.

Modim: Because he converts analog anti-votes into digital pro-votes.

Auto-pilot Modi: Modi seems to be automatically rising up to a point where there will be no competition for the PM’s post within the party.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Diggy Raja musings…

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IPL player: I’m a millionaire!
Business tycoon: I’m a billionaire!
Indian economy: I’m a trillionaire!
Diggy Raja: I’m so full of air!
(The need to say something to anything thrown at him)

The conundrum…
Who was he first to make his millionth inane TV byte?
Diggy Raja or Suhel Seth?

What if there were no TV news channels?
Diggy Raja: Well then, I’d be unemployed!

In the US there are millions of conspiracy theories spread via newspapers, magazines and the Internet.
In India we have a one-man industry called Diggy Raja.

© Sunil Rajguru

The fringe shall inherit the Earth…

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· Taliban: Can you imagine anything more dangerous than a girl with a schoolbook?
Kashmiri hardliner: Yes, a girl with a guitar!

· Right now a very dangerous Quit India movement is going on.
Freedom of Speech is being asked to Quit India.

· Old saying: The crying baby gets the milk.
New saying: The “offended” baby gets the cream.

· New Secularism Slogan: Have you made your State Rushdie free yet?
Rajasthan did so in 2012 and West Bengal in 2013. What about you?

· All the fringe groups have just moved to the centre of society in India.

· They would have us believe…
It’s OK for boys to play with guns and bombs, but not OK for girls to use schoolbooks and guitars.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Vishwaroopam musings…

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· Krishna to Arjun: Come I’ll show you my Vishwaroopa.
Kamal Haasan to Tamil Nadu: Come I’ll show you my Vishwaroopam.
Jaya: Hold it right there, you’re no Krishna!

· Instead of saying “Jai ho!” Kamal Haasan will have to start singing “Jaya ho!”

· A Tamil superstar’s film can be released anywhere in the world except Tamil Nadu.
An Indian-born writer can travel anywhere in the world except India.

· Too much democracy in India: Every citizen is becoming a Censor Board, moral policeman, judge and jury.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

If the Congress had their way…

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…the Kumbh Mela would be declared the biggest terrorist camp in the whole world.

…they would revert to a Monarchy and declare Sonia Empress.

…all TV channels save Doordarshan would be banned.

…all TV debates would feature only Congress spokespersons.

…the BJP would be declared a terrorist organization.

…they would clone multiple Rahuls to energize the whole country.

…Gujarat would be declared a breakaway country because of Modi.

…Section 66A would apply to the offline world too.

…Section 144 would apply to the whole country.

…the word “corruption” itself would be banned.

…it would be illegal to even have a Twitter or Facebook account.

…the CBI would be renamed the Congress’ Bureau of Investigation.

…Anna Hazare would be force-fed rich food all the time.

…Arvind Kejriwal would be force-fed mangoes all day.

© Sunil Rajguru