May 2016 Status Updates

Royal “Challengers” Bangalore.
They will always remain challengers.
A name change is required for IPL10.
But IPL Sunrise for Sunrisers Hyderabad.

(May 29)

When it comes to broadband connections, FML means…
FUP My Life!

(May 25)

The Left worship mass murderers Mao and Stalin and claim without proof that their opponents worship Hitler.

Prohibition merely means replacing…
“White money high quality alcohol market”
with
“Black money low quality alcohol market”
(with bootlegging criminals as a an added bonus.)

Pakistan Cricket Board punishes players for not winning World Cup.
Windies board punishes players for winning World Cup.
BCCI doesn’t care either way.
It’s too busy counting the moolah.

Steve Jobs once came to India on a spiritual tour.
40 years later his successor Tim Cook came to India on a material tour.
‪#‎ChangingIndia‬

(May 21)

Entry thanks to JP politics.
Cabinet Minister thanks to BJP.
Bihar Chief Minister thanks to BJP.
Bihar Chief Minister again thanks to RJD.
On his own he’s nothing.
‪#‎NitishKumar‬

(May 20)

These elections are 12345th ‪#‎Test4Modi‬
If he loses, it’ll be 234567th ‪#‎Blow2Modi‬
and proof that ‪#‎ModiWaveEnded‬ and hence ‪#‎ModiMustResign‬

Hotter? Global Warming!
Colder? Climate Change!
Drier? Man creating drought!
Wetter? Climate Change!
The same? Wait for the future!
‪#‎CantWin‬

(May 16)

When onions touched Rs 100 a kg in late 1990s, farmers were selling at 50 paise a kilo.
Cut to 2016, farmers are still selling at 50 paise a kilo.

This is Akshay Kumar’s father-in-law… this is Saif Ali Khan’s mother… this is Kareena Kapoor’s grandfather… this heroine is the co-owner of Rajasthan Royals/Kolkata Knight Riders…
Me answering my son’s “Who’s that” questions while watching ole Bollywood songs.

(May 13)

The moment the Muggle Prime Minister found Hermione Granger’s name in ‪#‎PanamaPapers‬, he felt safe and emboldened to blast corruption in Nigeria and Afghanistan.

At this rate we’ll have an Indian Rio Olympics’ Goodwill Ambassador’s Playing XI…
‪#‎Salman‬ ‪#‎Sachin‬ ‪#‎Bindra‬ ‪#‎Rahman‬

(May 12)

Saudi Aramco is a Trillionaire.
Saudi Royal Family is a Trillionaire.
Poor Billionaires!
‪#‎AramcoIPO‬

(May 11)

By 2027 we will have an Avengers Versus Justice League movie with 147 superheroes fighting 43 supervillains across 11 parallel universes.

I never thought I’d ever see a film with about a dozen superhero/villains with Spider-Man being the least prominent. Spider-Man was once emperor of Marvel.

(May 7)

White money India is a trillion dollar economy.
Black money India is also a trillion dollar economy.
‪#‎ScamIndia‬

(May 6)

Ramdev and Lalu getting together to launch Patanjali products is a real Mahagatbandhan advertising strategy that will popularize the products in Bihar.

He won’t be taken seriously.
He won’t be able to compete.
He’ll withdraw from the race.
He can’t win the nomination.
He can’t be President.
‪#‎Trump‬

Alfred Nobel was nicknamed The Merchant of Death.
Why so much anguish over The Merchant of Death Peace Prize?

Perfect Establishment = Hillary.
Perfect Anti-Establishment = Trump.

(May 4)

#‎NitishKumar‬
First term: Governance and development.
Second term: Politics and ambition.
Third term: Jungle Raj and disaster.
Fourth term: Dissolution of Bihar?

(May 2)

These versions by Sunil Rajguru