6 things washed in my washing machine…

…apart from clothes, that is…

1. USB Drive: Came out sparkling clean. Still working perfectly.

2. Son’s Watch: Fell to pieces. Watch repairer fixed it. Looks brand new. Still ticking away.

3. Umpteen Currency Notes: They look a little bleached, but shopkeepers accept them anyway.

4. Chocolate Eclairs: Came out intact. On opening the wrapper, the éclair looked OK too. But why take a chance? Straight to the dustbin.

5. Paper: Grade Two Disaster. Goes to pieces. Sticks to the clothes. Difficult to get off.

6. Coins: Grade One Disaster. Machine Stopper. Got stuck somewhere and brought the machine to a standstill. Serviceman’s comment: Why do you waste Rs 350 service charge on a one-rupee coin? Point taken. Coin looks somewhat like another coin that I had kept over a railway track and let a train run over it.

Moral of the story: Check your pockets thoroughly before you put your clothes in the machine.

© Sunil Rajguru

Ji Huzoor…

Centre: Hum weak ho rahe hain!
Advisor: To phir regions ko aur bhi weak kardo!
Centre: Us-se kya hoga?
Advisor: Aap bahut strong ho jaoge.
Centre: Kya bakwas kar rahe ho! Regions weak ho jaayenge to hum bhi weak ho jayenge.
Advisor: Einstein ka naam nahin suna?
Centre: Kis kambhakt puraane British politician ka naam le rahe ho?
Advisor: Woh… chodo… Relativity kahata hain ki agar doosre weak hote jaate hain to aap relatively strong hote jaate hain…
Centre: Einstein ko maaro goli, ye Relativity bhai sahab bahut acche lagte hain.
Advisor: To amal kiya jaaye… regions ko chote chote tukdo main baat do.
Centre: Todo, todo, regions ko todo… as a first step… us ka Fast todo.
Advisor: Ji huzoor.

(Moral of the story: In 1947 there were 17 provinces in India. In 1975 there were 21 states. Today there are 28. Tomorrow there will be 35. First thoda resistance and finally our kids will mug up the new names quietly for their GK test and we’ll happily help them.)

***

Hamare batsman acche hain, Rules se bowlers ki jaan lelo
Ji huzoor…
Ye
Chucker ka chakkar chodo
Ji huzoor…
Woh
Pak nahin khelega..
Ji huzoor…
Hame
T20 nahin khelna hain…
Ji huzoor…
Chalo
T20 khel hi lete, domestic bhi
Ji huzoor…
Acha chalo do aur
Test hi khelte hain…
Ji huzoor…

(Moral of the story: Who cares about the ICC Test/ODI/T20 rankings when India has been the undisputed No. 1 in the Unofficial Cricket Power Rankings for ages now and continue to do so)

© Sunil Rajguru