Tag Archives: Narendra Modi

The biggest question…

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In the last couple of years in politics…

Biggest scam: Coalgate.

Most high profile scam: 2G.

Biggest contradiction: MMS is Coal Minister and economic whiz (2G) and yet not accountable.

Biggest scam to claim a CM: Adarsh.

Most scams: UPA2. (All-time record)

Most powerful person: Sonia.

Biggest irony: Sonia gets minimum blame.

Most narcissist leader: Maya. (Statues! Statues! Statues!)

Most paranoid leader: Mamata. (Maoist! Arrest them! Conspiracy!)

Most arrogant: The average Congress spokesperson.

Most Draconian legislation: Section 66A.

Most idiotic statements: Diggy Raja.

Most reluctant leader: Pappu.

Most high-handed action: Water cannons against the anti-rape protestors.

Most riots: UP.

Most fake encounters: UP.

The biggest disappointment: Akhilesh.

Most irrelevant leader: Advani.

The biggest headaches for the aam aadmi: Economy, inflation, petrol-onion prices, job market, agricultural woes…

The biggest question…
If this is the case, then why is most of the time spent in rubbishing, attacking, maligning and going after Modi?

© Sunil Rajguru

Modi coronation musings…

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Shivraj: Don’t announce before 2013 Assembly polls.
Sushma: Don’t announce before 2014 LS polls.
Advani: Don’t announce before 2019 LS polls!

A: Is Modi peaking too early?
B: Looks like the mud-slinging against him is peaking too early. At this rate they’ll have nothing left by 2014.

Guru: The real enemy is always within and around you.
Modi: I know. Congress ko to main dekh loonga, par ye…

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

How Modi lost debates with every single Congress leader…

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First candidate: Manmohan Singh.

Modi: Question 1…
MMS: Madam se poochke aata hu.
Modi: Question 2…
MMS: Pappu se poochke aata hu.
Modi: Questions 3 to 1002.
MMS: Hazaron jawabon se achhi hai meri khaamoshi.
Modi: I give up!

Candidate 2: Salman Khurshid.

Modi: When I become Prime Minister tomorrow…
Khurshid: Forget tomorrow, I will make your Modi Today as Modi Yesterday.
Modi: When I come to Delhi…
Khurshid: Come to Delhi, but how will you go back?
Modi: That’s the idea, I’ll stay there!
Khurshid: Aaye Delhi par naa jaaye Delhi se to jeet to meri hi hui na?
Modi: Facepalm.

Candidate 3: Pappu.

Modi: Gujarat is a…
Pappu: Beehive!
Modi: When I become PM…
Pappu: Not happening man!
Modi: OK, tell me what you will do when you become PM?
Pappu: But I don’t want to be PM.
Modi: Then what are you doing here?
Pappu: I don’t know, you called me!
Modi: Arrrggghhhh!!!!

Candidate 4: Sonia.

Modi monologues for more than an hour.
Sonia’s secretary: Under RTI, Sonia cannot reveal anything to you. Goodbye!
Modi… speechless…

Candidate 5: Kapil Sibal.

Modi: Gujarat development…. blah blah blah… statistics and figures… blah blah blah… examples and anecdotes… blah blah blah… phew! I’m tired.
Sibal: Into Zero. Everything you have said is zero and hence the Congress party has suffered Zero Loss in this debate. I win. Bye!
Modi: What the…

Candidate 6: Shashi Tharoor.

Modi: 50 crore girlfriend!
Tharoor: She is priceless!
Modi: I have developed thousands of crores blah blah blah…
Tharoor: My contribution is priceless!
Modi: I have great love for this country.
Tharoor: My love is priceless!
Modi: Thanks to the Congress India has lost thousands of crores of Rupees.
Tharoor: But India is priceless! If you take away thousands of crores from something that is priceless, it remains priceless!

Candidate 7: Jairam Ramesh.

Modi: Development…
Ramesh: Fascist!
Modi: Growth rate…
Ramesh: Fascist!
Modi: Congress has ruined…
Ramesh: Fascist!
(Modi to himself: This reminds me of my debate with the mainstream media. Yahan kuch nahin ho sakta.)

Candidate 8: Manish Tewari.

Tewari: Holistic… moral… fascist… dictatorial… Nazi… holistic… empowerment… holistic…
Modi: Bhaaago!!!! Isko koi dus second bhi kaise jhel sakta hai, bhagwaan jaane!

Candidate 9: Diggy Raja.

Diggy: 2002!
Modi: 1984!
Diggy: Yes, 1984 was orchestrated by RSS, so I lead 2-0!
Modi: Economy!
Diggy: Actually ruined by the RSS’ influence on the makhauta that was Vajpayee from 1998-2004.
Modi: Pakistan, China, scams, Vadra, arrogance…
Diggy: All RSS!
Modi: What do I have to do to get a proper debate out of you without you mentioning the RSS?
Diggy: Travel back in time and don’t join the RSS!
Modi: Tu jeeta. Absolutely no-one can counter your RSS*!
(*=Really Stupid Statements)

Candidate 10: Renuka Chowdhury.

Modi speaks for an hour and all that while Renuka in turns looks away, looks haughtily, looks bored, looks at Modi with great disgust…
At the end of Modi’s monologue he looks at her and says: Your turn.
Renuka remarks: Main kya koi tota hu kya, ki Modi ne bola bol aur main bolu? Bye!

Candidate 11: AK Antony

Antony comes, looks at Modi and says: This is not Modi, but someone dressed as Modi, so I am walking out…

© Sunil Rajguru

Independence Day Battle of Speeches: Modi vs MMS

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Modi doesn’t know what he’s saying before a speech.
(Because it’s extempore.)
Manmohan also doesn’t know what he’s saying before a speech.
(Because someone else has written it and he’s given it at the last moment.)

Modi has earned the right to be called Shadow Prime Minister.
Today the Prime Minister was in Modi’s Shadow.

Ask not what the country can do for you, ask not what you can do for the country, ask nothing, say nothing.
—Manmohan Singh
‪#‎TheekHai‬

Congressman: Sigh! No Independence from Modi even on Independence Day!

Q: Sir what did you think of India’s Independence Day speech.
Manmohan Singh: Theek tha, but he shouldn’t have attacked me so much!
‪#‎TheekHai‬

The problem with watching Manmohan Singh’s speech is that I funnily get the feeling that any time now he’s going to burst into tears.

This is the first time in our history that Prime Minister’s Independence Day Speech was overshadowed in hours.
People even listened to Deve Gowda’s Hindi speech with attention.

Remember the good ole school debating days.
First candidate comes, speaks diffidently, second takes his content and rips it apart.

Why is this being touted as Manmohan’s last I-Day speech?
What if he emerges as a consensus candidate in a badly hung Parliament in 2014?

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

NaMo Hyderabad rally musings…

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Hyderabad: Pay Rs 5 for a Modi Express speech and be left speechless.
Rest of India: Pay Rs 500 for Chennai Express and be left brainless.

Modi: Yes we can!
Congressman to Pappu for the umpteenth time: Sir please become our PM candidate and attack Modi head on!
Pappu: No I can’t!

Congress Stage 4 Rocket to attack Modi speeches…
Stage 1: Pata nahin kya bolega aaj!
Stage 2: Sigh! Kitna accha bolta hai ye re!
Stage 3: Huddle. Huddle. Huddle Kuch nahin mila aaj bhi!
Stage 4: Chhodo. Just attack him strongly randomly as usual!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Modi and the Gujarat Model…

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To counter the Gujarat Model, economists are combining the best of secular states like Bihar, Uttarakhand, Delhi, Haryana and Uttar Pradesh.
It will be called the BUDHU Model for short.

Modi is campaign chief and…
Pappu: Don’t want to be PM.
Nitish: Struggling to be CM.
Akhilesh: Just struggling.
Andhra: Does it even have a CM?

Life on the edge!
Take a taxi driven by a Bihari to Aditi Restaurant. Once there, praise Modi and demand that Mumbai separate from Maharashtra!

© Sunil Rajguru