Independence Day Battle of Speeches: Modi vs MMS

Modi doesn’t know what he’s saying before a speech.
(Because it’s extempore.)
Manmohan also doesn’t know what he’s saying before a speech.
(Because someone else has written it and he’s given it at the last moment.)

Modi has earned the right to be called Shadow Prime Minister.
Today the Prime Minister was in Modi’s Shadow.

Ask not what the country can do for you, ask not what you can do for the country, ask nothing, say nothing.
—Manmohan Singh
‪#‎TheekHai‬

Congressman: Sigh! No Independence from Modi even on Independence Day!

Q: Sir what did you think of India’s Independence Day speech.
Manmohan Singh: Theek tha, but he shouldn’t have attacked me so much!
‪#‎TheekHai‬

The problem with watching Manmohan Singh’s speech is that I funnily get the feeling that any time now he’s going to burst into tears.

This is the first time in our history that Prime Minister’s Independence Day Speech was overshadowed in hours.
People even listened to Deve Gowda’s Hindi speech with attention.

Remember the good ole school debating days.
First candidate comes, speaks diffidently, second takes his content and rips it apart.

Why is this being touted as Manmohan’s last I-Day speech?
What if he emerges as a consensus candidate in a badly hung Parliament in 2014?

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

NaMo Hyderabad rally musings…

Hyderabad: Pay Rs 5 for a Modi Express speech and be left speechless.
Rest of India: Pay Rs 500 for Chennai Express and be left brainless.

Modi: Yes we can!
Congressman to Pappu for the umpteenth time: Sir please become our PM candidate and attack Modi head on!
Pappu: No I can’t!

Congress Stage 4 Rocket to attack Modi speeches…
Stage 1: Pata nahin kya bolega aaj!
Stage 2: Sigh! Kitna accha bolta hai ye re!
Stage 3: Huddle. Huddle. Huddle Kuch nahin mila aaj bhi!
Stage 4: Chhodo. Just attack him strongly randomly as usual!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Political musings of the day…

Politicians: Servants of the People.
Government officials: Servants of the servants of the People.
Aam Aadmi: Servants of the servants of the servants of the People.
Note: Who are these mysterious “People” that the Constitution keeps talking about?

Dear Congress,
In the 1970s, the Opposition took to strikes, extreme violence and even bombs.
Aren’t peaceful protests and Internet Humour much better than that?

Congress slogans…
1970s: Gareebi Hatao.
Post-Food Bill: Gareebi Hat Gayi.
Now all the focus can be on: Modi Hatao.

Q: Why’re you issuing Clean Chits to everyone including even Pakistan?
A: Hehe. Sorry. We’ve used up all our Guilty Chits on Modi and have none left!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Modi and the Gujarat Model…

To counter the Gujarat Model, economists are combining the best of secular states like Bihar, Uttarakhand, Delhi, Haryana and Uttar Pradesh.
It will be called the BUDHU Model for short.

Modi is campaign chief and…
Pappu: Don’t want to be PM.
Nitish: Struggling to be CM.
Akhilesh: Just struggling.
Andhra: Does it even have a CM?

Life on the edge!
Take a taxi driven by a Bihari to Aditi Restaurant. Once there, praise Modi and demand that Mumbai separate from Maharashtra!

© Sunil Rajguru

General political musings…

Evolution…
Thousands of years back our ancestors were only interested in survival and nothing else.
Today our politicians are only interested in survival and nothing else.

Action: Kejriwal helped remove Gadkari.
Reaction: Rajnath replaced Gadkari and crowned Modi.
So: In a way, Kejriwal helped Modi?

Great grandfather: When I was small, India had 100s of states (Pre-1947).
Boy: I’m sure the same thing will happen by the time I become old.

If there are 1 lakh Andhra Style Restaurants in India, will about 40,000 of them rename themselves as Telangani Style Restaurants?

Telangana…
Said: Change is inevitable. Change is good. You can’t fight change.
Unsaid: Change=17 Lok Sabha seats.

CBI and BCCI are the ultimate Laundromats.
Kitni bhi gandi chit pakda do, first class dhulai karke clean bana dete hai.

Schrödinger’s Encounter: Any encounter can be both fake and real at the same time.

Laloo: I will give you zero governance!
Voter: Delivered on his promise! Give him 3 terms!
Vajpayee: I will give you great governance.
Voter: It was “good”, but not “great” so let’s boot him out.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Eerie similarities…

BJP Campaign: India Shining.
Congress Campaign: Poverty Shining.
Congress Campaign: Ho Raha Bharat Nirman.
BJP Campaign: Ho Raha Modi Nirman.

Nitish: Yaar this Modi is giving me a splitting headache!
Solution: Split from the BJP.
Result—Modi: Yaar mera headache suddenly chala gaya!

Sonia: This Andhra Pradesh Lok Sabha tally is giving me a splitting headache.
Solution: Split Andhra Pradesh.
Result—India: Bhai mera headache suddenly bad gaya!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru