Congress is like Internet Explorer.
Nobody wants it, but since it’s the default setting and many people are too lazy to change it or download something else, it still has 30-40% market share.

Jaane kahan mera file gaya jee.
Jaane kahan mera PM gaya jee.
Janne kahan mera Government gaya jee.
Jaane kahan mera desh ja raha hai jee.

Generations to come will scarce believe that a Prime Minister ruled India from 2004-14.
— (If) Albert Einstein (was alive today)

Dear Economy,
Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.
If NREGA don’t get you, Food Bill must.

Old: If you love her, give her diamonds.
New: If you love her, take her on a long drive in your petrol car and make Chicken/Paneer Do Pyaza just for her.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Singh = Sinking.
Sonianomics = Destructonomics.
Politics = Poli tricks.
Governance = Governone.
NREGA = India ka lega.
Food Bill = Final Kill.

The Gayab Sarkar…
Any ghotala: Files are missing.
Prime Minister on key issues: Words are missing.
Pappu during a crisis: His presence is missing.

There is a rumour that Paul McCartney was replaced with a look-alike in 1966.
The same thing may have happened to Manmohan Singh in 2009.

Q1: What do you think of Western civilization?
Mahatma Gandhi: I think it would be a good idea.
Q2: What do you think of Indian Economy?
Manmohan Singh: I think it would be a good idea.

American: Day by day we can buy lesser and lesser stuff with $1.
Pappu: Wow! We are doing much better! In India, day by day you can buy more stuff with $1!

Sonia is totally pro-poor. She doesn’t want the poor to cry.
Proof: Onions have been taken totally out of the reach of poor.
They don’t have to cry while cutting them anymore.

#MMS
Petrol
#TheekHai
Onion
#TheekHai
Rupee
#TheekHai
Economy
#TheekHai
Stock Market
#TheekHai
Food Bill
#TheekHai
Dimaag?
#TheekNahinHai

It should be called IBR because…
India is Banking on its Reserves right now.

The Rupee comforts Indians…
Don’t worry.
I have a very long life.
I can go till 115-120 like some old people.
I am just 65 now.
#Dollar

Foresight…
CoalGate = Rs 2 lakh crore ghotala.
FoodBillGate = Rs 3 lakh crore ghotala potential?

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

His multiple choices …
a) First Manmohan Singh became Economist.
b) Second he became Bureaucrat.
c) Third he became Politician.
d) Finally he became “None of the Above”.

Q: What do you think of the Economy Problem?
Manmohan: Eco-No-My Problem!

The Great Depression has begun in India.
(It’s not just the economy stupid.
Every citizen is greatly depressed with Congress rule.)

In 2011, Congress entered quicksand.
Had they gracefully stayed still, they could have been saved.
But they have been pushing, screaming and kicking to go totally down under.

Citizen 1: There’s no evidence that he’s a politician.
Citizen 2: There’s no evidence that he’s an economist.
Citizen 3: There’s no evidence that he’s the Prime Minister!

Ship India is leaking and instead of plugging the holes, they are trying to plug the mouths of those pointing at the holes.

The 3 Ps of Sonia’s life are Party, Puppet and Pappu.

Like colleges have guest lecturers, India has a guest Prime Ministerial candidate.
#Pappu

The new Panchsheel of RTI…
1. Stall.
2. Refuse point blank.
3. Kill RTI activist.
4. Declare files missing.
5. Dilute with Amendment.

Manmohan Singh: The Father of Polinomics.
Half (Politicize economics)
+ Half (Economize politics)
= Zero.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Files go missing.
Goods go missing.
Grains go missing.
Money goes missing.
Rs 1.76L crore goes missing.
Prime Minister MSingh as good as missing.

Dear Prime Minister,
Tumhaare hazaron scams ke jawabon se damning hai ek scam ki files ki khaamoshi.
#MissingCoalgateFiles

Sign in restaurant…
Please settle all your bills before you leave.
Sign in Indian Parliament…
Please settle all your Bills before you leave.

Mega film Coalgate =
Golmaal + Gayab + Kala Patthar + Koyla + Kaalia + Hera Pheri + How Green Was My Valley + Gunday.

Pluto downgraded. (Planet to Dwarf Planet)
Onion upgraded. (Food Crop to Cash Crop)

Agar koi Snowden-Assange type character Indian politics ke dealings expose kare to poora Encyclopaedia India-na bhar jaayega.

Food Security Bill = Economy Insecurity Bill.

Will the Kasab Biryani Fund now sponsor Abdul Tunda or will we have a new Tunde Kabab Fund?

The IAS should rename itself to the IPS…
Indian Politicians’ Servants.

The Full Circle Man…
When Manmohan entered politics, economy had crashed, now that he’s going it’s crashing again.
When Manmohan entered PM’s chair, Sensex tanked, now he’s going it’s tanking again.

A cat has 9 lives.
Congress has had 10.
(It has won 10 General Elections).
If they win in 2014, then it’ll be the BJP that’ll be dead.

Sholay 2014…
Loha (Congress) garam hai (reeling from scams/economy), maar do hathoda (Modi).

Manmohan: No going back to 1991.
What he meant: We have already passed it and gone into the 1980s.
Now 1970s beckon. (Garibi Hatao, Emergency, Opposition/People backlash, Anti-Congressism…)

These versions by Sunil Rajguru