Cricketing Full Forms…

Lalit Modi = Lakhs And Lakhs Initially, Then Millions Of Dollars Income

Shashi Tharoor = Sunanda Has A Sweat Holding in IPL. Tweeting Had A Really Optimistic Outlook Recently.

Sharad Pawar = So Happy And Relaxed At Developments. Personally Am Way Above Recrimination.

BCCI = Board of Control of Cricketing Income

IPL = Infinite Paisa League

© Sunil Rajguru

Things I don’t dig about the IPL

It’s a Mad Ad World
How many ads can a cricket match take? I think this theory has been stretched to the max by IPL. It’s the height of irritation and I am surprised that most of the people are taking it lying down. (But then again, what can we do anyway?) All that is left is for an ad to be shown between a bowler releasing the ball and the batsman hitting it. Then there are those corny sponsored phrases like Citi Moment of Success…

Why is it soooo Loooooong?
In the 1996 ODI WC, there were 12 teams and every team had to play each other. On top of that there were quarter finals. That seemed way to long. In IPL, why does every team play each other twice? (OK, OK, I know: Home and way matches, but still…) But I wonder what will happen next year with nearly a 100 matches. IPL will go on for about 2.5 months. Where will they get the time in the ICC calendar? And will viewer interest continue till the end?

A case of Megalomodimania
Let’s get a few things clear. The English invented T20. The 2007 WC win popularized it in India. The ICL brought T20 club cricket in India. Then the BCCI’s resolve brought about IPL. Lalit Modi has great business acumen, but he happened to be at the right place at the right time. But it looks like Modi invented T20. He’s everywhere on TV and has an opinion on every little thing and looks like a control freak. And why are you telling us so much about the Kochi team on your Twitter account? Didn’t you check properly when you accepted the bid?

Over-the-top commentators
Listening to the commentators, one could be forgiven for thinking that the IPL is actually a World Cup that happens every 20 years. I’ve never seen them so enthusiastic and gush so much at each and every shot. Does the IPL pay far more that other tournaments? Money not only talks, but shouts.

Exorbitant Ticket Prices
Why are the ticket prices so high? Who buys them? And if they are sold out most of the time, then why do we still see empty stands?

© Sunil Rajguru

The A to Z of IPL

IAL: Indian Advertisements League

IBL: Indian Bollywood League

ICL: Indian Controversies League

IDL: Indian Dollars League

IEL: Indian Entertainment League

IFL: Indian Featherbed League

IGL: Indian Greed League

IHL: Indian Hype League

IIL: Indian Injuries League

IJL: Indian Jamboree League

IKL: Indian Kangaroo League (Aussies rule)

ILL: Indian Lalit League

IML: Indian Modi League

INL: Indian Nautanki League

IOL: Indian Outsourced League (Season 2)

IPL: Indian Paisa League

IQL: Indian Quantitative League (As against Qualitative)

IRL: Indian Retirees League

ISL: Indian Sponsorship League

ITL: Indian TRPs League

IUL: Indian Unorthodox League

IVL: Indian Valuable League

IWL: Indian Widening League (10 in 2011, 12-14 thereafter)

IXL: Indian Xerox League (Anyone remember ICL was the original?)

IYL: Indian YouTube League

IZL: Indian Zeppelin League (Blimp ads)

This Version By Sunil Rajguru

How to make a lot out of nothing, Mumbai style…

2008. IPL formed and to invite international stars including those from Pakistan.
Great.
2008. IPL1 features players from Pakistan.
Great.
2009. IPL2 allows players from Pakistan to play but they withdraw due to tensions.
Great.
2010. IPL3 allows auction of Pakistan players but no-one bids for them.
Great.
2010. SRK feels Pakistan players should have played in IPL3.
What? Pakistan players should play in IPL? Sacrilege! Traitor! Nonsense! Humbug!
Protests! Warnings! Extra security! 24X7 News Coverage! Debates!…

1960s: Amitabh from UP acts in Bollywood movies in Mumbai.
1970s: Amitabh from UP acts in Bollywood movies in Mumbai.
1980s: Amitabh from UP acts in Bollywood movies in Mumbai.
1990s: Amitabh from UP acts in Bollywood movies in Mumbai.
2000-07: Amitabh from UP acts in Bollywood movies in Mumbai.
2008: What? The Amitabh who acts in Bollywood movies is actually from UP and lives in Mumbai.
Sacrilege! Traitor! Nonsense! Humbug!
Protests! Warnings! Extra security! 24X7 News Coverage! Debates!…

1950s: Migrants come to Mumbai and take up various professions.
1960s: Migrants come to Mumbai and take up various professions.
1970s: Migrants come to Mumbai and take up various professions.
1980s: Migrants come to Mumbai and take up various professions.
1990s: Migrants come to Mumbai and take up various professions.
2000-07: Migrants come to Mumbai and take up various professions.
2008: What? So many taxi drivers are in Mumbai are from Bihar and robbing the profession of the locals?
Nonsense! Humbug! Protests! Warnings! Extra security! 24X7 News Coverage! Debates!…

Mumbai is really a city of dreams. If you’re a politician, then you can sit in your office and dream up of “any nothing” and make it happen.

© Sunil Rajguru

10 reasons why KKR is at the bottom of the table

1. The day Ganguly was sacked, 80,221,171 Bengalis cursed SRK and that jinxed KKR.

2. Match-fixing! All of SRK’s rivals paid the entire team to throw away matches.

3. The gold in the uniform is distracting and shines too much affecting the fielders and bowlers.

4. Numerologically Kolkata and South Africa are at odds with each other.

5. If you add all the alphabets of all the players and coach and support staff and owners of KKR, then it all adds up to 8, that’s why KKR is 8th!

6. SRK ka bura waqt chal raha hain: Billoo flopped, Aamir’s Ghajini crossed OSO, spat with multiplexes, injury…

7. SRK was tired of fame and went in for notoriety: Multiple-captain theory, losing streak, mystery blogger, racial allegations…

8. Nobody understands either Buchanan’s or McCullum’s brand of English and the players are unable to implement KKR’s brilliant strategies for success.

9. Buchanan is still virulently anti-Indian. He thought: If I can’t bring down India, let me bring down West Bengal at least. Paisa to mere bank main hain, ab kya kar lenge?

10. The team is simply not good enough.

© Sunil Rajguru

Favourite team of a confused IPL Fan

My favourite IPL team is…

Royal Challengers, obviously, as I’ve settled down in Bangalore.

Delhi Daredevils, actually, as I was born in Delhi and began my career there.

Rajasthan Royals, maybe, as I studied in Jodhpur and the people there are great.

Mumbai Indians, should be, as I’m after all a Marathi who studied in Mumbai.

Chennai Superkings, could be, as Mahendra Singh Dhoni is my favourite cricketer.

On second thoughts, Deccan Chargers, Knight Riders and Kings XI Punjab are great teams too.

Actually it’s all too confusing… I think I’ll give IPL a miss…

© Sunil Rajguru