By this time Kalmadi-Raja should have been peesing chakki in jail,
Instead, their lawyers have prepared advance papers for bail,
With everything in India on fully fully sale,
The common man in India is fully fully fail,
Come people, let’s all modern Indian democracy hail.
© Sunil Rajguru
Latest sayings…
• You are the onion of my eye.
• You are worth your weight in onions.
• Show me the onions!
Caution!
• An onion a day gets the taxman to visit your doorstep.
Most popular non-vegetarian dishes…
• Chicken no Pyaaza
• Pyaaza raha gaya mutton
New election slogan…
• Hum aapko denge Roti, Kapda, Makan, Bandwidth aur Pyaaz!
Hit songs…
• Pyaaz, pyaaz na raha, lahsun, lahsun na raha, zindagi hame tera aitbaar na raha
• Goro ki na kaalo ki, ye duniya hai onionwalo ki
Onionology:
• The study of Onion Economics, Onion Politics, Onion Cycles and Onion Trade.
The Indian Institute of Onions will also roll out Onion Management courses.
The first Onion Billionaires are expected soon.
Hindi usage…
• Mujhe pyaas lagi hai! (A quenchable thirst)
Mujhe pyaaz lagi hai! (An unquenchable thirst)
Latest role models…
• Jains.
They have been doing away with onions and garlic for millennia!
Proposal…
• After the Stock Exchange and Metal Exchange, the government is considering a Vegetables Exchange for rare and precious vegetables.
Love boasts…
• Jitne tumhe aasman main tare nazar aa rahe hain, utne main tumhe pyaaz laake doonga agar tum mujhse shaadi karogi!
• My love for you is as deep as there are layers in an onion.
This version by Sunil Rajguru
Step 1: Take a celebrity or a superfair model.
Step 2: Darken his or her face via make-up or Photoshop.
Step 3: Get him or her to act really really gloomy.
Step 4: Show your product to the public.
Step 5: Get back to the original fair face.
Step 6: Watch your sales soar even though everyone on Earth knows that the celebrity or model didn’t even sniff your fairness cream.
© Sunil Rajguru
BJP: BSY kab jayega? Hame Congress se corruption pe ladna hai…
Andhra Congress: YSR kyu hame chhod ke chale gaye?
Congress: Ye SC, ED sab kyu peeche pade hue hai?
Media: NDTV main khot hai, baaki sab saaf hai...
SC: HC main khot hai
Kalmadi: Ye CWG kab mujhe chhodega?
For everyone else, it’s the attack of the G+G (Sorry, 2G)
© Sunil Rajguru
Opposition holds Parliament to ransom. No proceedings for weeks.
What it really means: Is there any change in the functioning of the country? No. We are irrelevant and the country’s on auto-pilot. All we are interested is in making money and that is going on without any stalling, thank you very much.
I am innocent. You have no right to accuse me. I only believe in the judicial system. Let the courts decide.
Meaning: Hahaha! They’ll take a few decades by which time nobody would know what the real issue was. I love judicial delay!
Raids conducted at the premises of top leaders all over the country.
Meaning: This is just to shut you up. Kuch hone nahin wala. Even if charges are filed, look at the “Meaning” right above this one.
Today a rally is being held in the city to protest against the corrupt state government.
Meaning: To add to your woes of corruption, let’s add some big traffic snarls today.
We will hold a bandh today to protest against the economic conditions of this country.
Meaning: To solve big economic problems, let’s give a lot of little economic problems to the traders and people.
© Sunil Rajguru
1980. Bhagalpur Blindings: The entire police force is brutal.
1987. Bofors: All governments are corrupt.
1992. Harshad Mehta: Everyone in the stock market is a crook.
1997. Match-fixing: All cricketers are interested in only making money.
2001. Bangaru Laxman: All politicians accept bribes regularly.
2002. Godhra: Everyone in the BJP is a mass murderer.
2010. Swami Nityanand: All swamis are frauds.
2010. CWG: All sports heads are master swindlers.
2010. Adarsh: Top Armymen are as corrupt as politicians.
2010. Radiagate: All journos are crooks.
2010. Raja: Bhagwan bachaye… is desh ka kuch nahin ho sakta!
© Sunil Rajguru