(When two elephants fight on the cricketing grass, both slip and fall down and flatten Indian cricket)
Ring a-ring o’ roses,
Pocketsful of paisa.
a-tishoo!, a-tishoo!.
They both fall down.
Brand name in the water,
Brand name in the sea,
Will it all righten up…
With a one-two-three?
Picking up the pieces,
picking up the pieces,
Atishoo!, Atishoo!
We all cover up.
Ring a-ring o’ roses,
Pocketsful of paisa.
a-tishoo!, a-tishoo!.
And cricket falls down…
This Version By Sunil Rajguru
Please sing to the tune of Sab ganda hai from Company…
Cricket boat mein note, Modi pe khot, IPL pe chot,
Ghapla baar baar, jhootha hai karobaar, hain ye political war,
Sab ganda hai par dhandha hai ye…
Sab ganda hai par dhandha hai ye…
Sab ganda hai par dhandha hai ye…
Cricket ki sadan, sab kala hai dhan, rivals ki jalan,
Jhoothe hain hote, maange bas note, raho tum lotpot,
Sab ganda hai par dhandha hai ye…
Sab political parties ek, IPL pathshala main classmate, paise hi phek,
Cricket-fixing baar baar, betting ka karobaar, golmaal ka czar,
Sab ganda hai par dhandha hai ye…
Hazaaron hain raaz, dekho aas paas, paise ki pyaas,
Cricket boat mein note, Modi pe khot, IPL pe chot,
Sab ganda hai par dhandha hai ye…
Sab ganda hai par dhandha hai ye…
Sab ganda hai par dhandha hai ye…
Spoof By Sunil Rajguru
(Original song: Ganda Hai
Film: Company
Year: 2002)
Lalit Modi = Lakhs And Lakhs Initially, Then Millions Of Dollars Income
Shashi Tharoor = Sunanda Has A Sweat Holding in IPL. Tweeting Had A Really Optimistic Outlook Recently.
Sharad Pawar = So Happy And Relaxed At Developments. Personally Am Way Above Recrimination.
BCCI = Board of Control of Cricketing Income
IPL = Infinite Paisa League
© Sunil Rajguru
It’s a Mad Ad World
How many ads can a cricket match take? I think this theory has been stretched to the max by IPL. It’s the height of irritation and I am surprised that most of the people are taking it lying down. (But then again, what can we do anyway?) All that is left is for an ad to be shown between a bowler releasing the ball and the batsman hitting it. Then there are those corny sponsored phrases like Citi Moment of Success…
Why is it soooo Loooooong?
In the 1996 ODI WC, there were 12 teams and every team had to play each other. On top of that there were quarter finals. That seemed way to long. In IPL, why does every team play each other twice? (OK, OK, I know: Home and way matches, but still…) But I wonder what will happen next year with nearly a 100 matches. IPL will go on for about 2.5 months. Where will they get the time in the ICC calendar? And will viewer interest continue till the end?
A case of Megalomodimania
Let’s get a few things clear. The English invented T20. The 2007 WC win popularized it in India. The ICL brought T20 club cricket in India. Then the BCCI’s resolve brought about IPL. Lalit Modi has great business acumen, but he happened to be at the right place at the right time. But it looks like Modi invented T20. He’s everywhere on TV and has an opinion on every little thing and looks like a control freak. And why are you telling us so much about the Kochi team on your Twitter account? Didn’t you check properly when you accepted the bid?
Over-the-top commentators
Listening to the commentators, one could be forgiven for thinking that the IPL is actually a World Cup that happens every 20 years. I’ve never seen them so enthusiastic and gush so much at each and every shot. Does the IPL pay far more that other tournaments? Money not only talks, but shouts.
Exorbitant Ticket Prices
Why are the ticket prices so high? Who buys them? And if they are sold out most of the time, then why do we still see empty stands?
© Sunil Rajguru
1. Anil Kumble
Why: Because you cannot take winning at home for granted.
Kumble’s greatest curse was that we took him for granted. Always. India wins at home. We have spinning tracks. We will win no matter who comes and who plays. It’s not as easy as that. We still have to go and take 20 wickets every match. If you sit and count the number of Test matches each player has won for his country, then Kumble would have a lion’s share. A victory is a victory no matter where it comes from. And for the record, before he retired, he improved his performance on foreign soil too. Then there’s also his record 10-wicket haul in an innings.
2. Rahul Dravid
Why: Because he was always there in India’s most critical moments.
Kolkata 2001. Leeds 2002. Adelaide 2003. Rawalpindi 2004. Kingston 2006. Perth 2008.
Some of India’s finest victories and Dravid made his contribution in all of them. Ask anyone to make a list of their greatest victories and chances are Dravid will feature heavily in most of them. To keep veering your team to historic wins is a sign of true greatness.
3. Sourav Ganguly
Why: Because he changed the way India played.
Aggression. Professionalism. Self-belief. Faith. These are not just words. They have the power to turn ordinary teams into great ones. And this came just on the heels of the match-fixing scandal and the mediocrity that the Indian team was wallowing in. Had Ganguly not let his guard down and relaxed during the latter part of his tenure, he would have played many more matches and plotted many more victories.
4. Virendra Sehwag
Why: Because he changed the way the game is played.
How many Test cricket openers play as if they are in an ODI match? Sehwag has a phenomenal strike rate of 80%. To put that in perspective, big hitter Test openers Chris Gayle and Mathew Hayden both stand at around 60%. (Kapil Dev and Adam Gilchrist usually used to come down the order.) I remember in school it used to be a rare sight when India’s Test run rate would cross 3 runs per over. Recently, we almost touched 6 on the opening day. Sehwag has single-handedly changed the way India plays Test matches. He can still be the first man to hit 3 Test Triples. And for the record, he rocks in ODIs and T20s too.
5. Mahendra Singh Dhoni
Why: Victory. Victory. Victory.
A T20 World Cup. More than half a dozen bilateral ODI series victories. A world record of being undefeated in his first 10 Tests. World No. 1 in Tests. World No. 1 in ODIs. Dhoni has already boldy gone where no India captain has gone before and he’s just started. For detractors who say a captain is only as good as his team, the nucleus of the team was playing cricket for 5-10 years even before Dhoni made his debut. What changed now? The answer is Dhoni. Victories beat records any day and Dhoni so far has proved to be a Victory Magnet. A point also missed is that he has also been the No. 1 ODI batsman for a record number of weeks now.
© Sunil Rajguru
Sachin enters the pitch.
Commentator: And this is the 50,000th time Sachin is entering a cricket pitch!
Sachin waits at the non-strikers end looking at Sehwag.
Commentator: And this is the 250th time Sachin is at the non-striker’s end!
Sehwag hits the ball and Sachin runs.
Commentator: And this is the 15,000th time Sachin is running a run for his partner.
Sachin plays a dot ball.
Commentator: And this is the 20,000th dot ball Sachin has played in his life!
Sachin hits a 4.
Commentator: And this is his 2000th ODI 4 and 3000th overall!
Sachin takes a single.
Commentator: And this is his 5000th single, what a record! What a player!
Sachin sips water from a bottle.
Commentator: And my statistician has just informed me that Sachin has just completed 20 years, 20 weeks, 20 days, 20 hours and 20 minutes of his international career! Wow! Gush!
Sehwag hits a 6.
Second Commentator: And what a glorious shot! Whenever…
Our original commentator cutting him short: …Sachin plays alongside him, Sehwag plays his best! What an inspirational player Sachin is!
Sachin…
Commentator…
Moral of the story: Most surveys will show Sachin Tendulkar to be the greatest cricketer of all time. But there are other not so invisible players who do great deeds and a team’s victories are greater than the sum of all records.
© Sunil Rajguru