Tag Archives: congress

The wisdom of the UPA…

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It’s the economy stupid!=Economist Manmohan Singh made Prime Minister.

Love your enemy=No strong action taken against terrorists; China threat ignored.

Youth is the future=Rahul Gandhi is future PM.

Think before you speak=Kapil Sibal’s pre-screening of Internet content.

Speech is silver=Diggy Raja, Manish Tiwari & Co.

…and silence is golden=Manmohan Singh & Sonia Gandhi.

Black is beautiful=Refusal to expose Swiss Bank accounts.

With great power comes great responsibility=PM: Actually I have no real power and hence I have no real responsibility.

The importance of woman power=Sonia Gandhi president of the Congress party for record 13-years and counting, more than Mahatma Gandhi or Jawaharlal Nehru; dynamic Pratibha Patil made President of India; Sheila Dixit continues despite CWG blot.

Only the great defy gravity=Thanks to us you have continuous inflation, petrol hikes…

Get everyone on board before making a decision=Nobody is coming on board only nowadays! So from now on there will be no major decisions.

Albert Einstein said, “…the fourth world war will be fought with sticks and stones.”
If we have no breakthrough in the December agitation, then the fourth Lokapl war will also be fought with sticks and stones!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

UPA2 preparing for UPA3…

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Many successful schemes in UPA1 led to the reality that is UPA2.

Now UPA2 is going all out to ensure there will be a UPA3.

Some of the schemes on the anvil…

NREGA2: After the Mahatma Gandhi NREGA, now we will soon have the Rahul Gandhi NREGA or Net Regulation Employment Guarantee Act where millions of unemployed urban youth will be hired to pre-screen millions of Facebook, Twitter and Orkut accounts along with tens of thousands of prominent websites and blog.

RTI2: The RTI Act Part 2 will cover the politicians’ Right to Information related to our online accounts, logins, passwords, identities etc. Now the Internet companies will simply have to provide whatever Information that the politicians feel they have a Right to.

New States Re-organisation Bill: The UPA will come out with a bill to divide India into 50 states to pre-empt moves like Telangana, Vidarbha and the splitting UP. It will also go well with the party’s “Divide and Rule” policy.

4G: To bring in much-needed extra revenue for the government’s coffers. A Raja is likely to make a spectacular comeback.

Cyber Communal Violence Bill: The Communal Violence Bill will be modified for cyberspace and instead of State governments, the Centre will be able to dismiss Internet companies that don’t co-operate with it.

© Sunil Rajguru

Grand achievements of the Union Cabinet of Ministers…

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Manmohan Singh: I nearly Nuked the government once and almost did it again with the Foreign (DI) Hand.

P Chidambaram: I converted the Ministry into “Home” operations for the party.

Pranab Mukherjee: I brought about tremendous Financial growth in inflation and hikes.

Kapil Sibal: I mastered Miscommunication and Misinformation and turned politics into a “legal” Technology.

A Raja: I converted Telecom into Telecon and pulled Rs 1.76 lakh crore magically out of thin air (spectrum).

Abhishek Manu Singhvi: I single-handedly converted the Lokpal into a Netapal.

Praful Patel: I laid the seeds of Aviation becoming less Civil.

S Jaipal Reddy: Thanks to me, Petroleum is full of Gas.

Ambika Soni: I Broadcast Misinformation.

MK Azhagiri: I Fertilized the DMK.

Suresh Kalmadi: I showed how any Common Wealth could be turned into a financial Game for any politician.

Sharad Pawar: I made sure that all political Food was Consumed by the UPA and facilitated for political and private (non-Public) Distribution.

© Sunil Rajguru

The Theory of Lokpal Relativity…

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Classic Saying: Delhi door hai.
Anna Saying: Delhi paas hai.

Congress: Lokpal paas hai.
Anna: Lokpal door hai.

Congress: Bhrashtachar door hai.
Anna: Bhrashtachar (tumhare) paas hai.

Congress: RSS (tumhare) paas hai.
Anna: RSS door hai.

Anna: Hamare paas Lok taqat hai.
Congress: Tumse door Lok Sabha hai.

Anna: Aam aadmi (tumhare) paas nahin hai.
Congress: Aam chunav door hai.

© Sunil Rajguru

The United Prisoners’ Association

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With so many of the UPA’s ministers in jail, FIRed or facing allegations of impropriety and their nemesis Subramanian Swamy breathing down their necks, very soon UPA could well stand for the United Prisoners’ Association!

Fire in the UPA belly…

A Raja, Suresh Kamladi, M Kanimozhi, Shashi Tharoor…. Fired!
SM Krishna, Dharam Singh… “FIR”ed!
P Chidambaram, Manmohan Singh, Sonia Gandhi… Facing the Subramanian Swamy Fire
All other Ministers firefighting all the time on all sorts of issues, the latest being Kapil Sibal…

You’re Blind without Vision…

Mamata Banerjee became the General Secretary of the Congress in West Bengal in 1976.
After that the Congress never came to power in the state till date.

She joined the NDA alliance in 1999.
That Central government got voted out in the very next elections.

She joined the UPA in 2009 as Railways Minister.
Both the UPA and the Railways have been in decline since then.

Now she’s become the Chief Minister of West Bengal.
Dear West Bengal. Best of Luck! You’ll need it.
Just because you voted out a really bad government is no guarantee that the next one will not be much worse.

50% Firebrand + 50% Absolute Sincerity + 0% Strategy and Vision = Still 100% Disaster.

© Sunil Rajguru

Understanding the current UPA strategy…

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Once a consultant visited Congress headquarters.

A worker banged his head against the wall and kept shouting that he couldn’t get his mind off the pain.

The consultant stomped the worker’s foot.

As the worker hopped in pain, he yelled at the consultant, “What did you do that for?”

The consultant said, “How’s your head pain?”

The worker said, “I can’t feel it!”

The consultant said, “The body can handle only one pain centre at a time!”

One leader found this quite amusing and wondered if the same experiment could be applied to the nation.

Nation reeling from scams.

Bam! Arrest Anna Hazare.

Nation reeling from high-profile arrests.

Bam! Rahul Gandhi talks utter nonsense!

Nation still reeling from scams.

Bam! FDI in retail.

Nation reeling from inflation, petrol price hikes.

Bam! Censor cyberspace!

Next Bam! Is what?

© Sunil Rajguru