BJP: Tu Tu Main Main.
Mulayam: Kabhi Ha Kabhi Na.
DMK: Hum (scam main) Saath Saath Hai.
Mamata: Pehele Inkaar Phir Pyaar.
The Dynasty: Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi.
India’s resources: Phir Hera Pheri/Golmaal Returns.
Voters: On election day—Maine Vote Kiya. Later —Maine Vote Kyun Kiya?
These versions by Sunil Rajguru
Sonia: Out of your coverage area.
Rahul: Network error.
Spokespersons: Voice with no data.
PM: Silent mode.
Spokespersons: Loud ringtone and vibrate mode.
SMS: Something that spreads baseless rumours.
MMS: Parody of the original MMS! Ban it!
Mobile Internet: Twitter! Facebook! Ban it!
International roaming: If it concerns the dynasty, then RTI doesn’t apply.
Talk time: If it’s Congress spokespersons, 24X7. All others: Zero.
EDGE: Enhanced Dynastic Rate for Gandhis’ Evolution.
Voice over Internet Protocol: Can we actually yell at people while they surf the Internet!
1G: Motilal Nehru, first generation Nehru-Gandhi dynasty.
2G: Spectrum for scam allocation.
3G: Future scam potential spectrum.
4G: Sonia, fourth generation dynasty.
5G: Rahul, fifth generation dynasty. And like 5G (the technology), is very undercooked and years away from maturing and hitting the market.
These Versions by Sunil Rajguru
∙ Mera sarkaar paanch lakh crore ka ghotala karne aaya hai, aur us main se mere jeb me paanch phooti kaudi bhi nahin jaayegi!
∙ To BJP: Aapne apni paanch din na de kar aapne Lok Sabha ke 5 crore gumaye hai.
∙ To people demanding his resignation: Jisne har roz apne government ko thoda thoda marte dekha ho, us-se maut se dar nahin lagta.
(Trishul)
∙ To BJP: Ye tumhare baap ka ghar nahin, Lok Sabha hai, is liye sidhi tahrah khade raho.
(Zanzeer)
∙ To BJP: Uff tumhare usool, tumhare adarsh. Kis kaam ke hai tumhare is usool jo ek waqt ki sarkar tak nahi bana sakta?
∙ Rahul ki maa, tu khush to hai na.
∙ Nahin Rahul ki maa, main kuchh bhi galat kaam nahin kar raha.
(Deewar)
∙ Ye sarkar kal chalegi, har haal pe, har keemat pe.
∙ Aap dekh sakte hain hum der se kyun aaye he. Shaher main ek bhi naaka nahin tha, ek bhi chok, gali nahin thi, jahan hum pe shabdo ki goliyon ki barsaat nahi hui.
∙ Pehle to mai aap ko ek PMO ke Twitter account pe haath daalne ke liye giraftar kar sakta hoon.
∙ Rishte me to hum tumhare PM hote hain, naam hai Manmohan.
(Shahenshah)
∙ PM ka resignation ka intezaar toh baarah rajyo ki parties kar rahi hai, magar PM ko resign karwana mushkil hi nahi, namumkin hai.
(Don)
∙ Ye 2G bhi ajeeb cheez hai: Sarkar sochta kuch hai, bolta kuch hai, aur karta kuch hai.
(Agneepath)
∙ Jise PM ban-na hai, woh sab line laga kar saamne khada ho jaye.
(Satte Pe Satta)
∙ UPA woh kutte ki dum hai, jo baara baras nalli ke andar daal ke, nalli tedi hoti, UPA sidha nahin hota!
(Laawaris)
∙ UPA ki imaarat ki neev itni majboot hai ki koi BJP hothon pe slogan aur chehre pe nafrat liye uski ek bhi eent hilane ke liye kadam nahi rakh sakta.
(Mohabbatein)
∙ Tumhara Naam kya hai, 2G?
∙ To BJP: Ghadi ghadi drama karta hai, saala.
(Sholay)
∙ Us aurat ka to bahut bada ehsaan hai. Kyun ki, us aurat to us waqt meri madad ki thi, jab mere apne party ne mooh pher liya tha.
(Shakti)
· In the 1980s, Bofors gave the Opposition an orgasm.
That way, this is a multiple orgasm government.
· UPA’s favourite movie is Black. Black money. Black coal. Power Blackout. Net blackout. Black future. Blackguards all.
· Dhanteras comes every year.
For the Congress Kaladhanteras comes every day of the year.
· Yesterday…
Madam you are just like Indira!
No, her father was Nehru, mine wasn’t.
Today…
Madam you are just like Indira!
No, she could impose Emergency and I can’t!
· Crores of Indians have Congrage right now and want to overthrow the government in anger.
· Itna zero loss no loss kar rahe hai ye log that the UPA score is now Rs 5 lakh crore for no loss.
· UPA: Manufactured in 2004.
Expiry date: 2012.
Will decompose and stink the longer it stays.
· The Congress was Created by a foreigner.
At this rate, it will be Destroyed by a foreigner too.
These versions by Sunil Rajguru
· Government guidelines…
$1billion in Swiss Bank Account: Safe.
Hate article in fringe publication: Safe.
Formation of violent fringe group: Safe.
Twitter Account: Dangerous!
· US: Wag the Dog. India: Wag the Virtual Dog.
· During appraisal, it was found that real PMO Twitter account was trending last among all PMO accounts.
They just decided to kill the competition, that’s all!
· Obama WikiLeaks ke peeche, Manmohan Twitter ke peeche.
World War 3 will be fought in Cyberspace.
These versions by Sunil Rajguru
· 1975: Emergency. 2012: e-mergency.
(e=electronic, a la “email”)
· Hindi-Chini bhai-bhai,
Censorship ki ek hi ladai.
· While Congress is the Chief Online Blocker, Mamata is the Chief Offline Blocker.
Ram milaaye jodi, ek andha (can’t see the reality) aur ek behari (doesn’t listen to anyone).
· Congress Pre-1947: We will give you freedom.
Congress 2012: We will take away your Internet freedom.
· The UPA has finally implemented Right to Reject and Right to Recall.
Only it refers to rejecting and recalling websites on the Net.
· Twitter: A social networking platform.
Tweeple: People who Tweet.
Twits: Those who want Twitter banned.
This version by Sunil Rajguru