Tag Archives: congress

Government end of days musings…

Posted on by
Reply

All Congressmen and beat reporters have a Sonia App on their mobile.
The moment she’s Unhappy, the Status flashes on their screen.

What if in 2014?
The light at the end of the tunnel is actually the headlights of the oncoming Third Front Train.

The Congress general elections trilogy…
1977: Doom 1.
1989: Doom 2.
2014: Doom 3.

Filmi Singh is King released in 2008.
No sequel.
Political Singh is King released in 2009.
No sequel.

Dynasty…
CongRace1: Nehru.
CongRace2: Indira.
CongRace3: Rajiv.
Sonia…
UPA1.
UPA2.
UPA3 ke baad kuch bhi nahin bachega.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Congress and computer musings…

Posted on by
Reply

OK, baba, you win.
Congress is default in India computer.
But computer has crashed.
We are all offline.
Please upgrade wisely in 2014.
#Pappu

Online…
Guy: That web page has been deleted!
Google: Don’t worry, I cached it.
Guy: Thank you!
Offline…
Congress: The CoalGate files are missing!
CAG: Don’t worry, I cached it.
Congress: Shut up!

Pappu logic…
Statement 1: Computer kaun laya? Congress!
Statement 2: India kya hai? Computer?
Inference: India kaun laya? Congress!

Nehru invented newspaper.
Indira invented TV.
Rajiv invented Internet.
Please don’t use all these to criticize Sonia.
P.S. Pappu is inventing the next big media. Please do not disturb.

Indira G and Rajiv G were the most popular leaders of their times.
Pappu G can’t even aspire to be more popular than Parle G.

Cong is seC*ular.
(*C=Communal)
Cong is inclusivE*.
(*E=Elitist)
Cong is D*emocratic.
(*D=Dictatorial)
Cong is soC*ialist.
(*C=Capitalistic)

It is amazing that the League of Extraordinary Fekus decided to confer the title of “Feku” to someone outside their group.
#Pheku #Irony

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

How the Congress will respond to all your requests online with HTTP status codes…

Posted on by
Reply

Can we have someone other than Pappu as PM?
400 Bad Request.

Can you please tell me details of Sonia’s IT returns and foreign visits?
403 Forbidden.

Can you tell me anything about Sonia?
308 Permanent Redirect.

Can you please hand me the relevant CoalGate files?
404 Not Found.

Can you give me the details of the Bofors case?
301 Moved Permanently.

I want to peacefully protest against the government.
401 Unauthorized.

But my method is totally peaceful!
405 Method Not Allowed.

Just a teeny weeny protest?
406 Not Acceptable.

I am going to keep trying.
408 Request Timeout.

Can I contest the elections from the Congress ticket?
402 Payment Required.

It’s a crisis. Please connect me to Pappu.
410 Gone.

Despite what Pappu says, I’m angry.
420 Enhance Your Calm.

When will you remove poverty from India?
102 Processing.

Can you give me all the list of real (not claimed) accomplishments of UPA2?
204 No Content.

How will Pappu solve all the problems of India?
413 Request Entity Too Large.

How are you coping dealing with CoalGate, ThoriumGate…
504 Gateway Timeout.

Some average citizen is criticizing the government. Can you arrest him?
202 Accepted.

Finally during 2014, when the Congress asks for votes, the citizen will say…
426 Upgrade Required.
Or
444 No Response.

© Sunil Rajguru

If Congress were a…

Posted on by
Reply

Computer = An ancient 186 caught in a time warp in 2013.

Operating System = Windows, which keeps hanging all the time.

Browser = IE, a default most people are stuck with.

Software = Malware/Spyware/Virus.

Hardware = An empty cabinet.

Internet Status Code = 404.

Software firm = Microsoft, the hated market leader.

Mobile = A cheap Chinese version which has flooded the market.

Internet Connection = Still dial-up.

Computer game = Ping pong.

Search engine = AltaVista (Defunct).

Email = Hotmail (Hundreds of millions still have it, but no-one really uses it).

Program = Trojan Horse.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Manmohan Singh and state of the nation musings 5…

Posted on by
Reply

Congress is like Internet Explorer.
Nobody wants it, but since it’s the default setting and many people are too lazy to change it or download something else, it still has 30-40% market share.

Jaane kahan mera file gaya jee.
Jaane kahan mera PM gaya jee.
Janne kahan mera Government gaya jee.
Jaane kahan mera desh ja raha hai jee.

Generations to come will scarce believe that a Prime Minister ruled India from 2004-14.
— (If) Albert Einstein (was alive today)

Dear Economy,
Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.
If NREGA don’t get you, Food Bill must.

Old: If you love her, give her diamonds.
New: If you love her, take her on a long drive in your petrol car and make Chicken/Paneer Do Pyaza just for her.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Manmohan Singh and state of the nation musings 4…

Posted on by
Reply

Singh = Sinking.
Sonianomics = Destructonomics.
Politics = Poli tricks.
Governance = Governone.
NREGA = India ka lega.
Food Bill = Final Kill.

The Gayab Sarkar…
Any ghotala: Files are missing.
Prime Minister on key issues: Words are missing.
Pappu during a crisis: His presence is missing.

There is a rumour that Paul McCartney was replaced with a look-alike in 1966.
The same thing may have happened to Manmohan Singh in 2009.

Q1: What do you think of Western civilization?
Mahatma Gandhi: I think it would be a good idea.
Q2: What do you think of Indian Economy?
Manmohan Singh: I think it would be a good idea.

American: Day by day we can buy lesser and lesser stuff with $1.
Pappu: Wow! We are doing much better! In India, day by day you can buy more stuff with $1!

Sonia is totally pro-poor. She doesn’t want the poor to cry.
Proof: Onions have been taken totally out of the reach of poor.
They don’t have to cry while cutting them anymore.

#MMS
Petrol
#TheekHai
Onion
#TheekHai
Rupee
#TheekHai
Economy
#TheekHai
Stock Market
#TheekHai
Food Bill
#TheekHai
Dimaag?
#TheekNahinHai

It should be called IBR because…
India is Banking on its Reserves right now.

The Rupee comforts Indians…
Don’t worry.
I have a very long life.
I can go till 115-120 like some old people.
I am just 65 now.
#Dollar

Foresight…
CoalGate = Rs 2 lakh crore ghotala.
FoodBillGate = Rs 3 lakh crore ghotala potential?

These versions by Sunil Rajguru