Feroz Shah Kotla Test musings…

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Ultimate irony.
Feroz Shah Kotla stands named Viru 309 & 319 after his blitzes.
AB de Villiers and Hashim Amla pay their respects by scoring super slow 43 off 297 and 25 off 244 in first match after that.

AB de Villiers is the only batsman in the world who can hit both 100 off 30 balls and 30 off 100 balls.
‪#‎IndVsSA‬ ‪#‎FerozShahKotla‬

First Extremist Shastri…
Fast: 200 off 123 balls in a First Class innings.
Slow: 10 off 63 balls in an ODI innings.
Second Extremist ABD…
Fast: 149 off 44 in an ODI innings.
Slow: 43 off 228 in a Test innings.

Green pitch: Bad!
Spinning pitch: Bad!
Dead pitch: Bad!
Great pitch: That which produces result in last over of Day 5.
(Meaning rocket scientists will now have to design Test pitch)

The Test conundrum…
Amla and ABD played brilliant cricket.
It was also a brilliant cure for insomnia.

#‎RohitTalentSharma‬
ODIs: Debuted in 2007, scored 200 in 2013.
Tests: Debuted in 2013, will score 400 in 2019.
Keep the faith!

Unke dus aadmi hamare ek ke barabar hai!
Rahane: Challenge accepted!—127.
South Africa—121.
‪

(Ref: Fourth India-South Africa Test)

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

#‎AdarshLiberals continue to be delusional…

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Go figure…
Most tolerant religion in world
+ Most tolerant country in world
+ World’s biggest election
= Intolerance Unlimited.

I agree intolerance is a huge problem.
Congress, artists, intellectuals, writers, editors, Leftists… growing more and more intolerant.
‪#‎AdarshLiberals‬

National media…
South Indians: It’s North Indian media!
North Indians: It’s Delhi media!
Delhi: It’s Lutyens’ media!
‪#‎AdarshLiberals‬: It’s Modi media! Before they supported us 100%, now only 98%.

The TV show Left, Right & Centre was named wrongly.
When Congress was in power it was…
Left, Centre & Centre.
With BJP in power its…
Left, Left & Left.

In ‪#‎AdarshLiberals‬’ imagination, UPA3 was formed in 2014 with Pappu as Prime Minister and Kejri as Deputy Prime Minister.
Whenever they see Modi, they short circuit.

By 2020, Kejri would have imbibed every bad quality of every bad politician in the country.

Indian economy shows great intolerance and disrespect to Chinese economy by achieving greater growth than it.
‪#‎IntoleranceRising‬

Family planning…
Government: Have 1-2 children. Educate them well.
Laloo: Have many children. No need for education. They can all be accommodated in Jungle Raj.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Congress sinking further musings…

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Congress is a family business.
Pappu is the next CEO.
India is the market.
This business has many clients.
Intense fight will continue till 2019.

Voters showed great intolerance to Congress in 2014.
They are right. Intolerance is rising. It may be worse for them in 2019.

By the time Pappu finally becomes Prime Minister, he will be a frustrated bitter old man.
India’s future is doomed.

Congress gets 44 seats in 2014 polls.
Voter: I bet you can’t go any lower!
Congress: Challenge accepted!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Random political musings of the day…

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Indian economy shows great intolerance and disrespect to Chinese economy by achieving greater growth than it.
‪#‎IntoleranceRising‬

The TV show Left, Right & Centre was named wrongly.
When Congress was in power it was…
Left, Centre & Centre.
With BJP in power its…
Left, Left & Left.

Indo-Pak heads of State have met a million times.
Yet when they meet for the one million and first time, go ballistic by praising or rubbishing the meet.
‪#‎COP21‬

Family planning…
Government: Have 1-2 children. Educate them well.
Laloo: Have many children. No need for education. They can all be accommodated in Jungle Raj.

2011: Main Bhi Anna.
2012: Aam Activist.
2013: Aam Aadmi.
2014: Khaas Aadmi.
2015: His Royal Highness The Supreme Leader Sri Sri Kejriwal.

It should officially be called FoSaM.
(Freedom of Speech against Modi)

Why are all United Nations Climate Change Conferences called COP1, COP2, COP3…
Because they are nothing but a series of cop-outs!
‪#‎COP21‬ ‪#‎Paris‬

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

#‎SaveWhitefield‬ musings…

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#‎SaveWhitefield‬ (from traffic)
‪#‎SaveBengaluru‬ (from garbage and power woes)
‪#‎SaveKarnataka‬ (from plummeting governance)

This is probably a conspiracy by the Karnataka Government and BBMP to prevent more outsiders from coming and settling in Bengaluru.
‪#‎SaveWhitefield‬ ‪#‎Garbage‬ ‪#‎Power‬ ‪#‎Traffic‬

With the way population is increasing, most Indian cities don’t require infrastructure but infrasuperstructure.

Pappu fails to climb Mount Carmel.
Bengaluru fails to climb Mount Garbage.
Whitefield fails to climb Mount Traffic.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

November 2015 Status Updates

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I will save the world through a Status Message.
—Motto for the 2010s.

(November 30)

It’s Australia all the way…
First Test: Australia versus England.
First ODI: Australia versus England.
First Day/Night ODI: Australia versus West Indies.
First international T20: Australia versus New Zealand.
First Day/Night Test: Australia versus New Zealand.

(November 29)

Movies on Swamy’s life…
The Lone Ranger.
Akeyla.
Main Aur Mrs Gandhi (1975-2015).

(November 27)

1. Syrian Government: Wrong.
2. Syrian Rebels: Wrong.
Two wrongs don’t make a right.
All these strikes: Wrong.
Three wrongs will finish off Syria outright.

One day they will declare…
Oh sorry! He is the universe’s typing error.
‪#‎BritishBuddhu‬

Maybe “President of Britain firm” became “Firm resident of Britain”.
‪#‎TypingError‬ ‪#‎BritishBuddhu‬

Pakistan tourism USP…
Kucch din to guzaaro Pakistan main.
Kya pata, kal ye desh ho ya na ho.
‪#‎Balochistan‬ ‪#‎PoK‬ ‪#‎RogueNation‬

Kejri’s ultimate U-turn…
Then: I will put every corrupt politician in jail.
Now: I will hug and do business with every corrupt politician

(November 27)

For India, ISI is more dangerous than ISIS.
Misguided youth support the latter.
Misguided celebrities support the former.

Bangalore’s theme song this month…
November Rain.
(But as sung by the pop group “Garbage”)

(November 22)

If nobody hates you, you’re doing something wrong.
—Dr House.
Corollary…
Everybody is right on Twitter.

One man’s freedom fighter is another man’s militant and another man’s terrorist and yet another man’s “victim”!
‪#‎CantEvenDefineTerror‬

(November 20)

Shahrukh Khan and Kajol starring in Dilwale.
Sequel will be Dulhania.
Threequel will be Le Jayenge.

Whole of Bengaluru will now have to start singing…
BESCOM waale babu yahan power chala do, power chala do!
‪#‎DarkCity‬

(November 10)

Mid-way through results, every TV channel showing trends from different parallel universes.
‪#‎BiharResults‬

Forget Modi, even Amit Shah has more achievements than Sonia, Pappu and Kejri put together and hasn’t even got 10% of their media praise.

Opinion polls made against Modi to sway undecided voters.
Exit polls made against Modi to indulge in bashing till counting.

(November 8)

Q: Who won? ‪#‎AwardWapsi‬ or ‪#‎SammanWapsi‬?
Sir Ravindra Jadeja: My ‪#‎FormWapsi‬ of course!
‪#‎IndVsSA‬ ‪#‎Mohali‬

Tired of losing, Kohli launches ‪#‎HaarWapsi‬ campaign.
SA meanwhile successfully conclude their first ‪#‎WicketWapsi‬ campaign.
‪#‎IndVsSA‬ ‪#‎Mohali‬

(November 7)

ICHR…
Indian Communist Historical Research till 2014.

Partition.
British wanted it.
Jinnah did it.
Mahatma allowed it.
Nehru didn’t care.

The number of schemes-institutes named after Nehru-Indira-Rajiv is 10 times more than the number of MPs the Congress has in the Lok Sabha.

Once it was called the Fifth Column.
Today it has become the Filth Column.

(November 2)

These versions by Sunil Rajguru