Robert Frost in the 21st Century…

The woods are lovely, dark, and deep,
But I have many Facebook profiles to peep,
And so many emails all in a heap,
Science has taken such a gigantic leap,
For its rewards I have to stay up 24X7 to reap,
I also have so many silly little promises to keep,
(Sleep? My alarm clock keeps going beep beep,
And then I just feel like going weep weep…)
And I have miles of virtual words to key in before I sleep…
And miles to go (in circles I think) before I sleep.

With due apologies to Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening

This Spoof by Sunil Rajguru

The day Indira Gandhi died…

radio-2224443_640“Where were you when… such and such a thing happened?” is such a cliché.

But you still want to task that question.

Today is October 31, the day Prime Minister Indira Gandhi was assassinated.

I was a school student when it happened in 1984, and certain things still stick to this very day…

AIR revives Indira: In the ghastly act, her guards pumped 30 bullets into her body at about 9.30 in the morning. She was officially declared dead by the doctors an hour later. But since President Zail Singh was out of the country, the government didn’t declare the news before evening time.

Doordarshan kept saying that she was “serious” all day. One All India Radio broadcast in the afternoon even said something to the effect of: According to unconfirmed sources, she may have regained consciousness!

Such a media blackout is unthinkable in today’s Twitter Age where everything breaks instantaneously and universally. Of course everyone knew the truth in India through word of mouth, but there were still many who thought she would survive till the official confirmation finally came.

The Kid on the Bike: The moment we got the news, one of my school seniors and neighbours screamed “Indira is dead: Now Vajpayee will be Prime Minister!” After that he cycled all day in the neighbourhood shouting “Vajpayee for Prime Minister.”

To me it seemed quite bizarre considering the fact that I had heard Vajpayee’s name for the first time in my life. But his words became prophetic as Atal Bihari Vajpayee did indeed become PM after 12 years.

The Fateful Speech:Mere khoon ka ek ek katra is desh ke liye kaam aayega,” (Every drop of my blood will serve the nation) is a popular statement she made in a political rally days before she died.

This was the talking point for everyone for months on end after Indira’s death.

But when I entered journalism, some seniors told me that she never made such a statement.

It was a figment of the Congress’ imagination and part of their propaganda!

Seven Years Later: In 1991 Indira’s son, former PM Rajiv Gandhi, was also assassinated. But this time it was after 10 in the night when half of India was either asleep or blissfully unaware of the tragic news.

I fell into the latter category. I took my morning walk and when I returned home I saw (what was to me at least) the most shocking “Breaking News” ever.

“Rajiv Assassinated” was above the Times of India masthead.

My late sister’s journalism teacher had told her that such an event was a rarity and happened very few times in a newspaper’s lifetime.

Of course, now the times have really changed.

Today if you are a rich industrialist with a few crores to spare, then you may be able to announce your son’s birthday above the Times of India masthead, with the way it’s going!

© Sunil Rajguru

Ra.One: Just one question for every one…

Dear Shahrukh Khan,
Have you ever played with a single video game in your entire life?

Dear SRK’s son,
Beta, are you aware that your father made a movie just for you and got the whole country to pay for it?

Dear Anubhav Sinha,
Are you aware that unless you tell SRK to act, he doesn’t?
(The same goes for Kareena.
And Priyanka, were you high during the shoot?)

Dear Shekhar Subramanium,
How come you have such a fake Tamil accent while speaking in English and none when mouthing Hindi wisdom?

Dear Ra.One,
“Waaah!!! I wanna finish my game. Waaah!!! I wanna finish my game. Come back or else…”
Are you for real?

Dear Kareena,
When is your next movie with SRK?
(Asoka was in 2001.
Ra.One in 2011.
Hope the next one isn’t before 2021.
Somehow you bring out the worst in him)

Dear Story Writer,
Do you exist?

Dear Special Effects Team,
Hollywood is impossible, but couldn’t you have at least come somewhere near Krrish or Enthiran?

Dear Marketing Team,
Who was the movie’s target audience?
(If it was for adults, then it’s way too childish.
If it was for children, then the language and one-liners are way too offensive)

Dear Prudes,
When any non-offensive movie comes, you go over the top protesting it all the same. Here’s a movie that is offensive towards Tamilians, Chinese, Gays… not to mention “sick sexual jokes in a kid’s movie” and there’s just a faint murmur.

Random Access One? Even if I Randomly Access all my memories, then I can’t think of One redeeming point!

© Sunil Rajguru

Strange co-incidences of the Nehru-Gandhi dynasty…

After Prime Minister Jawaharlal Nehru, members of the ruling Nehru-Gandhi dynasty were born on different days of the week…

Indira Gandhi… November 19, 1917… Monday.

Raihan Vadra… August 29, 2000… Tuesday.

Priyanka Vadra… January 12, 1972… Wednesday.

Feroze Gandhi… September 12, 1912… Thursday.

Rahul  Gandhi… June 19, 1970… Friday.

Sanjay Gandhi… December 14, 1946… Saturday.

Rajiv Gandhi… August 20, 1944… Sunday!

Interestingly, Feroze, Indira, Sanjay and Rajiv all died on different days too!

The world is full of such co-incidences, though no-one quite knows what they mean.

(Note: Feroze and Indira’s two sons were Rajiv and Sanjay. Rajiv’s two children are Rahul and Priyanka. Raihan is Priyanka’s eldest child. Rahul is unmarried.)

These calculations by Sunil Rajguru

News in Limericks 4

There was this movie called Ra.One,
Which was worse than this film called Raavan,
But it made its crores n crores n crores,
Despite all its bores n bores n bores,
Aur abhi viewers ka aa gaya hai maran!

There was this concert of Metallica,
That finally hit New Delhi in India,
But it quickly became a no show,
And the fans just didn’t want to go,
Aur sab ne mil kar stage ka barricade ko hi phod diya!

There was this Team of the Anna,
Jiska unity gaya khaane ganna,
One talked Kashmir and two did quit,
The others didn’t like it one little bit,
Aur ab credibility solah aane se ho gaya chaar aana!

There was this man called Diggy Raja,
Jiska jab dekho bajta tha baaja,
He talked n talked and talked,
And talked n talked and talked,
Hey Bhagwan Bharat ko kyun dee itni badi saza!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

The A to Z of Facebook

ADHDbook

Boastbook

Commentbook

Dataminebook

Egobook

Friendbook

Gargantuanbook

Hollowbook

iBook

Jokebook

Kaleidoscopicbook

Likebook

Mentalbook

Nonprivacybook

Openbook

Plagiarizingbook

Quackbook

Rantbook

Stalkbook

Timewastebook

Unconstrainedbook

Voyeurbook

Wackobook

Xenocraticbook

Yourbook

Zeitgeistbook

This version by Sunil Rajguru