Utopia to UPAtopia…

Q: How many poor mouths will the UPA feed from now on?
A: None. They will simply shift the poverty line again and declare “Zero” numbers of poor!

Q: How is the middle class doing?
A: Great. They get to eat a full hearty meal in Re 1. That means great savings for everything else.

Q: What about the upper classes?
A: Well since they are still in the upper classes, they are doing pretty well thank you. Why are you asking?

Q: What about the scams, terror threats and enemies like Pakistan and China?
A: Were you sleeping? I just answered the above questions showing that all three classes are doing well! Who’s left? Everyone is happy. If there’s still a further problem, we can declare everything “Zero loss”.

Q: So we have reached Utopia?
A: Yes, you could call it UPAtopia.

(Arthath, “UPA” ne sab ko “topi” pahanaya)

© Sunil Rajguru

Pappu-Modi musings…

How to become PM
Modi: Lifelong struggle up. Develop State. Win 3 mandates. Give rousing speeches. Fight media. Fight 24X7.
Pappu: Get born!

I am a Hindu Nationalist: Modi.
TV news analysis…
I am a: Huge ego.
Hindu: Communal.
Nationalist: Anti-national.
Modi: Hitler.

Modi: Mere paas teen teen mandate hai, development hai, social media hai, brilliant speeches hai, passionate supporters hai… tere paas kya hai?
Pappu: Why do you have so much anger? It must be brought down!

Q: Have you heard the nonsense of Pappu in textbooks?
A: Pappu himself is a textbook case of nonsense.

Sibal rubbishes Gujarat Model.
Simple.
The way he declared “Zero Loss” in 2G scam, all he has to do is declare “Zero Gain” in the Gujarat Model.
Elementary, my dear Sibal!

Think it over…
65 MPs refuse to accept the validity of a thrice elected Indian CM.
But 65 MPs accept the validity of a US President taking action against him.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Ek rupaya main khaana…

Can have full meal in Re 1: Farooq Abdullah.
The real question is whether Farooq has ever seen a one Rupee coin in his entire life.

Price of a meal…
Rs 12: Babbar. (In Mumbai)
Rs 5: Masood. (In Delhi)
Re 1: Farooq. (In Kashmir)
Free: Pappu. (In Dalit home)
Next leader is what? Whenever I eat, please pay me.

When I was in school in the 1980s, a Rs 10 note got me a rice plate, a balcony ticket, one samosa and a return bus ticket.
Then the Congress had LS 416 seats.
Today they have half of that but double the arrogance.

Ek chutki sindoor ki keemat tum kya jano: (Om) Shanti (Om).
Ek rupaye ki keemat tum kya jano gareeb naagrik: (Oh God) Farooq (Oh God).

Sounds like if politicians stopped eating in five-star hotels, then the savings would feed the rest of India and the Food Bill wouldn’t be required.

Real debate…
Politician 1: This scam can be done in 1 lakh crores.
Politician 2: I can do it in 5 lakh crores.
Politician 3: I’ll do it in 12 lakh crores!
(Utne main bhi nahin pet bharega actually!)

All these politicians are bent on feeding us cheap food.
We should get them to eat a large slice of humble pie in the 2014 polls.

Some time back, Pappu offered a Grand Prize for the most idiotic statement.
The poor souls are still waiting for him to end the competition and declare the winner.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Thoda paisa, thoda khaana…

· The Congress couldn’t score enough poverty reduction schemes by 2014, so it introduced the Duckworth-Lewis method to meet its target.

· Very soon the Congress will declare that it is possible to survive on air alone and declare poverty 100% eradicated.

· Politician to self: Rs 1.76 lakh crore? Not enough. Want more.
Politician to citizen: Rs 33? More than enough!

· Once Raj Babbar was seen as the next Angry Young Man.
If he follows his own theories, he will be nothing but a Hungry Old Man.
‪#‎Rs12‬

· UPA sarkaar ke 12 baj gaye.
#‎RajBabbar‬

· The 2014 strategy…
Poor man: I am voting against the Congress.
Congress: But we have officially made you “not poor”, so vote for us now!

· Planner: How do we remove poverty?
Politician: Poverty hatana hamare haath main nahin hain, par poverty line to hai na? Hata do apne jagah se!
Planner: Gareebi hat gayi!
Politician: New slogan!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

The Royal Baby musings…

· Fact of the day…
‪#‎RoyalBaby‬ Prince George is son of Prince William who is son of Prince Charles who is son of Prince Philip who is son of late Prince Andrew.

· Prince Charles is 64 and yet to even start ruling as King of England (an irrelevant post anyway) and they’re already worrying about his grandson.

· Prince? Charming!
Now can we get back to normalcy?
‪#‎RoyalBaby‬

· We have a new hair to the throne!
Hair, heir, here, there, where… do you really care?
‪#‎RoyalBaby‬

· Will = 0.01% relevance to the world.
His marriage to Kate = 0.001% relevance.
Their child = 0.0001%. Coverage = 101%.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru