Manmohan: That 90s Show. (Economy going back there)
Mani: That 80s Show. (Ah! Rajiv! Rajiv! Rajiv!)
Sonia: That 70s Show. (Garibi Hatao + Emergency)
Pappu: That 60s Show. (I wasn’t even born then—Bliss!)
Congressmen: That 50s Show. (Party in power in all States)
Diggy: That 40s Show. (RSS was banned then!)
RSS: That 30s Show. (Akhand undivided Bharat!)
Left: That 20s Show. (CPI formed, Communism will rule the world!)
These versions by Sunil Rajguru
How foreign currencies discuss the Rupee…
US$: Maine half-century maara.
Euro: Main century maarne wala hu.
UK Pound: Main nervous nineties main hu.
Kuwati Dinar: LOL! Maine kab ka double century maara!
Yesterday the Sensex said…
Bahut hua samman!
Netalog, Rupee sab gir rahe hai, main bhi girta hu!
Duck Tales…
2009-11: Duck Soup government.
2011-13: Lame duck government.
2013-14: Dead duck government.
2014: Sitting Duck for polls?
#UPA
These versions by Sunil Rajguru
First candidate: Manmohan Singh.
Modi: Question 1…
MMS: Madam se poochke aata hu.
Modi: Question 2…
MMS: Pappu se poochke aata hu.
Modi: Questions 3 to 1002.
MMS: Hazaron jawabon se achhi hai meri khaamoshi.
Modi: I give up!
Candidate 2: Salman Khurshid.
Modi: When I become Prime Minister tomorrow…
Khurshid: Forget tomorrow, I will make your Modi Today as Modi Yesterday.
Modi: When I come to Delhi…
Khurshid: Come to Delhi, but how will you go back?
Modi: That’s the idea, I’ll stay there!
Khurshid: Aaye Delhi par naa jaaye Delhi se to jeet to meri hi hui na?
Modi: Facepalm.
Candidate 3: Pappu.
Modi: Gujarat is a…
Pappu: Beehive!
Modi: When I become PM…
Pappu: Not happening man!
Modi: OK, tell me what you will do when you become PM?
Pappu: But I don’t want to be PM.
Modi: Then what are you doing here?
Pappu: I don’t know, you called me!
Modi: Arrrggghhhh!!!!
Candidate 4: Sonia.
Modi monologues for more than an hour.
Sonia’s secretary: Under RTI, Sonia cannot reveal anything to you. Goodbye!
Modi… speechless…
Candidate 5: Kapil Sibal.
Modi: Gujarat development…. blah blah blah… statistics and figures… blah blah blah… examples and anecdotes… blah blah blah… phew! I’m tired.
Sibal: Into Zero. Everything you have said is zero and hence the Congress party has suffered Zero Loss in this debate. I win. Bye!
Modi: What the…
Candidate 6: Shashi Tharoor.
Modi: 50 crore girlfriend!
Tharoor: She is priceless!
Modi: I have developed thousands of crores blah blah blah…
Tharoor: My contribution is priceless!
Modi: I have great love for this country.
Tharoor: My love is priceless!
Modi: Thanks to the Congress India has lost thousands of crores of Rupees.
Tharoor: But India is priceless! If you take away thousands of crores from something that is priceless, it remains priceless!
Candidate 7: Jairam Ramesh.
Modi: Development…
Ramesh: Fascist!
Modi: Growth rate…
Ramesh: Fascist!
Modi: Congress has ruined…
Ramesh: Fascist!
(Modi to himself: This reminds me of my debate with the mainstream media. Yahan kuch nahin ho sakta.)
Candidate 8: Manish Tewari.
Tewari: Holistic… moral… fascist… dictatorial… Nazi… holistic… empowerment… holistic…
Modi: Bhaaago!!!! Isko koi dus second bhi kaise jhel sakta hai, bhagwaan jaane!
Candidate 9: Diggy Raja.
Diggy: 2002!
Modi: 1984!
Diggy: Yes, 1984 was orchestrated by RSS, so I lead 2-0!
Modi: Economy!
Diggy: Actually ruined by the RSS’ influence on the makhauta that was Vajpayee from 1998-2004.
Modi: Pakistan, China, scams, Vadra, arrogance…
Diggy: All RSS!
Modi: What do I have to do to get a proper debate out of you without you mentioning the RSS?
Diggy: Travel back in time and don’t join the RSS!
Modi: Tu jeeta. Absolutely no-one can counter your RSS*!
(*=Really Stupid Statements)
Candidate 10: Renuka Chowdhury.
Modi speaks for an hour and all that while Renuka in turns looks away, looks haughtily, looks bored, looks at Modi with great disgust…
At the end of Modi’s monologue he looks at her and says: Your turn.
Renuka remarks: Main kya koi tota hu kya, ki Modi ne bola bol aur main bolu? Bye!
Candidate 11: AK Antony
Antony comes, looks at Modi and says: This is not Modi, but someone dressed as Modi, so I am walking out…
© Sunil Rajguru
Modi doesn’t know what he’s saying before a speech.
(Because it’s extempore.)
Manmohan also doesn’t know what he’s saying before a speech.
(Because someone else has written it and he’s given it at the last moment.)
Modi has earned the right to be called Shadow Prime Minister.
Today the Prime Minister was in Modi’s Shadow.
Ask not what the country can do for you, ask not what you can do for the country, ask nothing, say nothing.
—Manmohan Singh
#TheekHai
Congressman: Sigh! No Independence from Modi even on Independence Day!
Q: Sir what did you think of India’s Independence Day speech.
Manmohan Singh: Theek tha, but he shouldn’t have attacked me so much!
#TheekHai
The problem with watching Manmohan Singh’s speech is that I funnily get the feeling that any time now he’s going to burst into tears.
This is the first time in our history that Prime Minister’s Independence Day Speech was overshadowed in hours.
People even listened to Deve Gowda’s Hindi speech with attention.
Remember the good ole school debating days.
First candidate comes, speaks diffidently, second takes his content and rips it apart.
Why is this being touted as Manmohan’s last I-Day speech?
What if he emerges as a consensus candidate in a badly hung Parliament in 2014?
These versions by Sunil Rajguru
60 is the retirement age.
Chalo 65 maan lete hai.
Independence ke baad Congress ke 66 years ho gaye hai.
Retire kar do!
1977: Opposition booted out the Congress.
1989: Mainstream media booted out the Congress.
2014: At least the Social Media is giving a good fight!
We (Nehru)
shall (Indira)
definitely (Rajiv)
solve (Sonia)
Kashmir (Rahul)…
We (Nehru)
shall (Indira)
definitely (Rajiv)
reduce (Sonia)
poverty (Rahul)…
We…
These versions by Sunil Rajguru
Right to Ignorance: We cannot know anything about them.
Right to Idiocy: They can say anything they want.
Right to I: I, me and myself, the ego.
Right to Incite (violence): All across the country.
Right to Idealism: It stops at that. No action.
Right to Ideology: Even if it’s disruptive.
Right to Idleness: In Parliament, that is.
Also means…
Right to Ignominy, Illogicality, Immorality, Irresponsibility…
© Sunil Rajguru