Ref: Fourth India-Australia Test at Sydney, January 6, 2015.

Australia series captaincy report…
Dhoni: 1 loss, 1 draw, loves Raina, can’t control bowlers.
Kohli: 1 loss, 1 draw, loves Raina, can’t control bowlers.
It’s a tie!!!

Happy days are here again…
1990s: I know India is losing Test upon Test, but I’m enjoying Tendulkar’s century upon century.
2010s: I know India is losing Test upon Test, but I’m enjoying Kohli’s century upon century.

India-Australia series report…
We crossed 400 in every first innings.
We were never bowled out for less than 200 in any second innings.
Three of our batsmen were in the region of 400 runs.
Three of our bowlers took more than 10 wickets.
Bottom line: Still can’t win a single Test!

Starc and Hazlewood together give less runs in an hour than Umesh Yadav gives in a minute.

Parity…
Australia: 40 overs 251 runs.
India: 40 balls 1 run. (Overs 13.2 to 19.4).

After Indian innings…
Umesh to Raina: I can bat better than you!
After Australian innings:
Raina to Umesh: I can bowl better than you!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Ref: Fourth India-Australia Test at Sydney, January 6, 2015.

Post 0-8, India’s foreign Test campaign can be called Runs ‘n Ruins.
Runs for the batsmen. Ruins for the bowlers.

If you went to the bathroom when Suresh Raina came in to bat, then you missed his entire Test career post-2012.

New era in Indian Test captaincy.
Before…
Dhoni: I have bad bowlers.
Now…
Kohli: I have really bad bowlers.

T20s: Raina the Rock.
ODIs: Boom Boom Raina
Tests: Aaya Raina Gaya Raina.

Indian fast bowler careers…
Kapil Dev: 16 years.
Manoj Prabhakar: 12 years.
Zaheer Khan: 12 years.
Javagal Srinath: 11 years.
Nowadays it’s tough to find even one who can survive for 1 continuous year in international cricket.

Why does it feel like…
Weee!!! I made 400 runs in the series, let me get out! (Vijay)
Weee!!! I finally made a 50, let me get out! (Rohit)
Weee!!! I made a maiden century, let me get out! (Rahul)
Weee!!! I’m in the Test team, let me get out! (Raina)
Kohli: FML!
Dhoni: LOL!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Ref: Fourth India-Australia Test at Sydney, January 6, 2015.

Speed of delivery…
Kapil: Fast.
Zaheer: Faster.
Ishant: Fastest.
Speed of getting wickets…
Ishant: Slow.
Rest of Indian pace attack: Slower.
Indian spinners: Slowest.

If the Indian bowlers won’t let you off the hook, the slip fielders will.
If the fielders won’t let you off the hook, Indian batsmen will.

In a timeless Test on foreign soil, the probability of the opposition getting 1000 runs twice is greater than Indian bowlers getting 10 wickets twice.

The ideal Test Playing XI for India on foreign pitches…
6 batsmen, 4 bowlers and 1 mental conditioning coach.

New Year.
New captain.
New team.
New slip fielders.
Day 1: So far exactly the same.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru