Category Archives: Virtual World

Real requirements versus virtual

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How requirements differ in the real world and the virtual…

Offline Friends Required: One good one will do.
Online Friends Required: At least 1000 please!

Offline Mails: So nice to get a nice letter once in a while!
Online Mails: You’re a total non-entity if you don’t get at least 50 emails a day.

Offline Likes: Some appreciation once in a while will be appreciated.
Online Likes: What? I got 10 Facebook likes? I wanted 20!

Offline Followers: Hahaha, do you think you can get even one???
Online Followers: Ha! 1000 people follow me on Twitter!

Offline requirements for communication: Just the five simple senses will do.
Online requirements for communication: Desktop, laptop, mobile, any other gadget welcome and all require a great broadband connection and all are upgradeable frequently.

© Sunil Rajguru

Spotted on a Facebook Deewar

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Mere paas gadi hai, bangla hai, bank balance hai… tumhare paas kya hai?
Mere paas Facebook account hai.

Followed by…

Bhai tum login karoge ya nahi?
Haan, main login karoonga, lekin main akela login nahi karoonga… main sabse pehle login nahi karoonga…. jao pehle us aadmi se login karao, jisne mere baap ko Facebook addict banaya tha; pehle us aadmi se login karao jisne meri maa ko Orkut par anshan comments likhe the aur har ek social networking site se nikal diya tha; pehle us aadmi ka login karao jisne mere haath pe ye ye (“Mera baap Facebook addict hai”) likh diya tha. Uske baad… uske baad, mere bhai, tu jitne baar Facebook pe login karne ko bolega, main karunga…

(This Version: Sunil Rajguru)

The Facebook Champi Song

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(Please sing to the tune of Pyaasa’s Sar Jo Tera Chakraaye, made immortal by the sublime Johnny Walker)

Sar jo tera chakraye,
Ya dil dooba jaaye,
Aaja pyaare paas hamare,
Kaahe ghabraye,
Kaahe ghabraye.

Site mera hai masti,
Duniya ka No. 3 basti,
Jis ke dil main jadu phira doon,
Hardam timewaste ho uski.

Sun sun sun, arre beta sun,
Is Facebook main bade bade gun,
Sun sun sun, arre beta sun,
Is Facebook main bade bade gun,

Lakh comments ka ek tareeka hai,
Kyu na aazmaye, kaahe ghabraye.

Life jo tera chakraye,
Ya career dooba jaaye,
Aaja pyaare login karle, kaahe ghabraye.

Pyar ka hove jhagda,
Ya office ka non-stop ragda,
Sab lafdon ko public kare jab,
Limelight milega tagda.

Sun sun sun, arre beta sun,
Is Facebook main bade bade gun,
Sun sun sun, arre beta sun,
Is Facebook main bade bade gun.

Lakh comments ka ek tareeka hai,
Kyu na aazmaye, kaahe ghabraye.

Naukar ho ya malik,
Leader ho ya public,
Apne aage sabhi jhuke hain,
Ab raj karega Facebook.

Sun sun sun, arre beta sun,
Is Facebook main bade bade gun,
Sun sun sun, arre beta sun,
Is Facebook main bade bade gun.

Lakh comments ka ek tareeka hai,
Kyu na aazmaye, kaahe ghabraye.

This Spoof By Sunil Rajguru

(Original Song: Sar Jo Tera Chakraaye
Film: Pyaasa
Year: 1957)

The Facebook Friend Joke

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Why don’t you add XYZ…

XYZ is a person you may know…

You and XYZ have 35 mutual friends, you’ve got to add…

People You May Know –> Add XYZ as a friend

People You May Know –> Add XYZ as a friend

People You May Know –> Add XYZ as a friend

…

OK, you finally succumb to the temptation.

Result…

Do You really want to add XYZ as a friend?

(After all the soliciting, the doubt?)

XYZ will have to confirm that you are friends.

(Yes I know you Facebook application blockhead, just send the request)

Please enter the two barely legible words in the box, you may be a bloody spammer for all I know.

(Sigh is it worth adding friends anymore?)

Sorry, the person has too many users.

(Arrggghhh!!! Thanks for the suggestion anyway, I think)

Logout. Login again, to be greeted by the very same message:

Why don’t you add XYZ…

XYZ is a person you……

Deja Vu anyone?

© Sunil Rajguru

The final status message…

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Nowadays it’s become fashionable to log out of Facebook.
Some possible parting lines…

• How does one leave behind 1346 friends, 767 status messages, 143 likes, 2437 comments, 1887 causes and 234 quiz personality results? It is with a heavy heart that I consign all that to the dustbin of cyberspace. COL! (Crying Out Loud!)

• I am suffering from wristitis and fingeritis of the Facebook and have decided to quit on medical grounds.

• The day came when I just couldn’t write a Status Message anymore and I knew that it was time to go.

• This social networking ID has just checked out of the Facebook neighbourhood.

• Those all-day virtual Facebook parties have taken a toll on me. I quit.

• I would like to thank you for all the friend requests, comments, likes, support encouragement and requests for groups, activities, causes, events etc, but it is time for me to move on into the real world. I wish all my Friends the very best in Facebook.

• Facebook hai hai, anti-privacy hai hai!

• Jab tak suraj chand rahega, Facebook tu to nahin rahega…

• Fire, water and Facebook are good servants, but bad masters. I thought that I could master Facebook, but it has mastered me so I want out.

• I have found that it is next to impossible to delete my Facebook account, so I am changing the password and forgetting it. I don’t care if this account gets hacked.

• One day I noticed that my wife and kids weren’t there. Then the neighbours informed me that they had left for good 3 months back. Facebook you thief! I knew that I had to leave you then!

• So long, thanks for all the Likes!

• Oh God! I am still scarred from that virtual invasion of privacy. I need out.
(I almost felt like a celebrity.)

• It was like being a virtual fish in a virtual fishbowl while it lasted.

• For two years all of you virtually heard me out, gave me support in the form of likes, comments, causes and quizzes while we shared all the little little facets of each others lives. I will never ever forget you, but I have to leave you.

• Put a video link of the final scene of Terminator 2, where Arnold Schwarzenegger’s screen goes blank.

© Sunil Rajguru