Cook: I doubt my captaincy and batting.
Ali: I doubt my spin.
Bell: I doubt everything after the Ashes whitewash
Team India: Don’t worry, we’ll help you all!

When an Indian batsman hits a century, he thinks he can relax for 10 matches.
When Team India wins an overseas Test, it thinks it can relax for 10 matches.

(July 31)

Sir, acche din kab aane wale hai?
Modi: Arre! Mere aur mere party ke to kab ke aa gaye!
Aap ko bas thoda intezar karna padega!

Bihar’s new Trimurti…
Congress: Creator of State’s problems.
Laloo: Destroyer of Bihar.
Nitish: Preserver of the above two.

Dabangg Salman…
His story writers need a huge Kick, but his fans are ever Ready to watch him.
If you criticize him, you’ll need a Bodyguard.

What is the capital of Israel?
Israeli: Jerusalem.
Palestinian: Tel Aviv.
When you can’t even agree on that, what chance peace talks?
#Gaza

(July 30)

Choices for Congress President…
Bad: Sonia.
Worse: Pappini Vadra.
Worst: Pappu.
Dare to think beyond the dynasty?

Indian citizens want a new slogan…
Saste din aane wale hai!

(July 29)

Most Indians starting blasting Manmohan some 7 years after he took over as Prime Minister.
Many didn’t give Modi even 7 days.

South Africa played a great knock of 159 off 111 to become ICC No. 1.
(Not 159 runs off 111 balls in an ODI.
But 159 runs off 111 overs to draw a Test.)
#SAVsSL #Colombo

(July 28)

Narasimha Rao Liberalized India.
Manmohan took full credit.
Sonia Lobotomized India.
This time, Manmohan refused (dis)credit.

(July 25)

At the stroke of midnight on August 14, 1947, all Pakistanis had been born in India.
Aur agar apne hi Janmabhoomi ko gaali dete rahoge to yahi haal hoga desh ka.

When a man who married an Italian can become Prime Minister without ever contesting an election, why can’t a woman who married a Pakistani be a Brand Ambassador? Too much fuss.

(July 24)

Currently Rohit Sharma thinking…
I underperform for 6 years and stay in the team.
I hit an ODI 209 + Test 177 and I’m out of the team in 6 months!
#IndVsEng #Lords

Fact of the day…
Of the 11 Indian team players, Virat Kohli has faced the least amount of balls in the England Test series so far.
#IndVsEng

(July 23)

Throwing BRICS at the World Bank.
#NDB #NewDevelopmentBank

(July 19)

Sourav Ganguly.
Entertaining as a batsman.
Entertaining as a captain.
Entertaining as a commentator.

(July 18)

They think that any controversy with Vedic or Vaidik in it has to be the BJP’s fault.

Post Lok Sabha polls…
Love him or hate him you simply can still ignore him.
#ArvindKejriwal

(July 16)

Not German footballers.
Not Brazilian footballers.
It appears that the Brazilian fans are the most famous people of FIFA 2014.
Thousands of miserable fan photos are still circulating millions of times.

(July 10)

Maybe…
99% Tweets/articles blasting Brazil.
Just 1% praising Germany.
#FIFA2014

Hamas: We are defending ourselves.
Israel: We are defending ourselves.
Moral of the story: In West Asia, Defence is the best form of Offence.

(July 9)

Queen Sonia.
OHMS: On Her Majesty’s Service.
Despite 44 Lok Sabha seats and National Herald scam, they are still strongly defending her.

(July 4)

I think by now every second Bollywood producer, director, hero, heroine, villain, comedian… has a Rs 100 Crore hit.

(July 2)

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

In a few years the Rs 100 Crore Club will have at least 100 of the crappiest Bollywood movies of all time.

(June 28)

1989: Narmada Bachao Andolan launched.
2014: Medha Bachao Andolan launched along with…
Congress/NGO/Communism Bachao Andolans.

(June 23)

Happy Birthday to Pappu the “Boy Wonder”.
(“Boy”, he’s still “Wonder”ing what to do with his life!)
#PappuDiwas

(June 19)

Arvind’s Alone (in this) Party.

Mani Shankar Aiyar is India’s biggest argument against education.

(June 6)

The Irony…
The Left has been suppressing Right speech for 67 years.
The Left has been abusing Right figures for decades.
Now they’re suddenly worried about Freedom of Speech.

Mulayam to Akhilesh 2012…
Main Khiladi PM candidate, tu Anari CM.
Akhilesh to Mulayam 2014…
Main Anari, tu bhi Anari.

(June 4)

The problem with Twitter is that thanks to their content, you can no longer differentiate between real accounts and spoof accounts.
(Especially for India.)

BJP and Shiv Sena should contest exactly 144 Assembly seats each in Maharashtra elections.
Whoever gets more seats gets the CM’s post. Simple.

(June 2)

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

It seems…
Media houses being taken over by politicians are by and large OK while those taken over by big businessmen are a threat to free speech.

Hollywood…
Poor Little Rich Girl.
Bollywood…
Poor Little Rich and Powerful Girl starring Priyanka Vadra.

(May 31)

While India strives to go forward in the 21st century, some of it is still stuck in the pre-industrial age, some in the medieval ages and some in the dark ages.

Pre-May 16…
Pappu was Leader of Opposition to Manmohan Singh.
Kejri was Leader of Opposition to Narendra Modi.
Post-May 16…
The terms of both leaders has expired.

(May 29)

The Bihar Cong-JDU-RJD dilemma.
United we fall, divided we fall.
But which fall is less?

(May 22)

In 2007, Dhoni superseded Team India seniors.
In 2013, Modi superseded Team BJP seniors.
So will Modi be as successful as Dhoni?

(May 14)

This is a binary election.
1 — Vote for Modi.
0 — Don’t vote for Modi.

(May 12)

Train disaster—Shastri quit.
Ferry disaster—South Korean PM quit.
UPA2 1001 disasters—Manmohan: Mannu kee?
#TheekHai

Kejri on his current media coverage…
Itna sannata kyun hai bhai?

Selfies are nothing but trouble.
#Obama #NaMo

(May 1)

These versions by Sunil Rajguru