#‎AdarshLiberals‬ or ‪#‎IntellectualTerrorists‬?

(February 22)

Progress in West Bengal…
First: Congress-CPM clashes.
Then: CPM-Trinamool clashes.
Now: Trinamool-BJP clashes.

(February 19)

1. He’ll never be taken seriously.
2. OK, but he won’t become candidate.
3. OK, but he’ll never make head of State.
Modi passed all 3.
Trump at 3.

Tautology?
BJP ka Shatru BJP ka shatru hai.

(February 17)

Kejri best Delhi CM ever in…
1. Ad spend.
2. Media coverage.
3. Passing the buck.
4. Hope.
5. Nautanki.
6. Illogic.
7. Chicanery.

Fun fact of the day…
Immediately after Independence, CPI President BT Randive publicly called for an armed struggle to overthrow the Government of India.
P.S. CPM emerged from the CPI.

2008: Last year when there was no major ICC trophy.
2009: T20 World Cup, ICC Champions Trophy.
2010: T20 World Cup.
2011: ODI World Cup.
2012: T20 World Cup.
2013: ICC Champions Trophy.
2014: T20 World Cup.
2015: ODI World Cup.
2016: T20 World Cup.

(February 14)

Bradman greatest.
Waugh best in crisis.
Hussey best debut.
Smith greatest promise.
Now Voges has Test average of 100!
‪#‎AussieTestBatsmen‬

#‎GharWapsi‬ begins in Europe too.
Many disillusioned refugees returning to their home countries.

(February 13)

Obama: African American.
Romney: Mormon.
Sanders: Jew.
Cruz: Canadian born.
Rubio: Cuban American.
America finally becoming diverse at the top.

(February 12)

#‎MakeInIndia‬
36-year-old Nehra is nearly 2.5 times more precious than 32-year-old Steyn.
‪#‎IPLAuction‬

(February 6)

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Obama and Trump were rank outsiders a year before their US Presidential campaigns.
Media fell at Obama’s feet while they attacked Trump from Day 1.

(January 29)

Global Citizen Sania Mirza.
Partner from Switzerland.
Grand Slams from US, England, France and Australia.
Dubai residency.
Husband from Pakistan.

Karnataka Government promoting publishing industry and popularizing nature.
You are forced to read books and magazines during the day and take long walks in the evening.
‪#‎PowerCuts‬ ‪#‎PowerlessBengaluru‬

The crowd behaves as if FedEx is a poor talented guy who has never won a tennis Grand Slam and Djoko is an evil genius who should be fixed.
‪#‎AustralianOpen2016‬

FedEx and Djoko have 27 Grand Slams between them.
If you go by the desperation of the crowd, you’d think FedEx had 0 and Djoko 27.
‪#‎AustralianOpen2016‬

(January 28)

The world is a curious place.
Sometimes a million die and no-one gives a shit.
Sometimes with a single death everyone goes batshit crazy.

(January 27)

Globalization…
The French President is in India for our Republic Day.
The Indian cricket team is down under for their Australia Day.

(January 26)

A rich Western Leftist Bengali blaming the Left for chasing away industries from West Bengal.
‪#‎Irony‬ ‪#‎AmartyaSen‬

(January 24)

What do you want?
1990: Roti, Kapda aur Makaan.
2000: Roti, Kapda, Makaan aur Bandwidth.
2016: Roti, Kapda, Makaan aur unlimited 100 Mbps connection without FUP!

(January 21)

George Bernard Shaw said that a man becomes a real adult only at the age of 70.
Pappu takes it very seriously and will be a youth till 69.

The Media Law of Relativity…
When news happens nearby you don’t want to cover, distance expands and time speeds up.
When news happens far away you want to cover, distance shrinks and time slows down.

(January 20)

Sell oil at $50 a barrel.
Just make it buy one get one free.

(January 18)

Today’s India is such that everyone offends everyone.
Taken to the (il)logical conclusion, 1.25 billion would be in jail.

If there’s a military takeover in Pakistan, Nawaz Sharif will have a feeling of Deja Coup.

Only two commodities in media…
1. News.
2. Opinion.
And both have become indistinguishable from each other.

(January 13)

India: Ball is in Pakistan’s court.
Arre baba, ball went into Pakistan’s court in 1947!
Tabe se wahin pade dhool khaa raha hai!

Progress…
In the future, you will be able to pack today’s 71.4 Twitter statuses into a single one.
‪#‎140To10000‬

(January 8)

The times they are a changing…
In 1958, Hanif Mohammad hit 337 runs in 970 minutes.
In 2016, ‪#‎PranavDhanawade‬ hit 1009 runs in 395 minutes.

Barack Obama…
Becomes US President in January.*
Gets really cracking on gun control in December .**
*2009
**2015

Saudi Arabia vs Iran.
Turkey vs Russia.
ISIS captures Iraq/Syria/Libya/Lebanon land.
Saudi Arabia strikes in Yemen.
US-Israel no longer the enemy?

(January 5)

© Sunil Rajguru

1947-2014—Years of Tolerance (As we tolerated ‪#‎AdarshLiberals‬).
2015—Year of Intolerance (As we finally refused to tolerate them).

Aap kitna bhi wish kar lo par 2016 main Pappu, Kejri, Akhilesh, Lalu aur Mamata nahin sudharne waale hai!

(December 31)

West Punjab became Punjab.
East Punjab became Punjab.
East Bengal became East Pakistan.
East Pakistan became Bangladesh.
West Bengal remains West Bengal.

(December 26)

Always Bush vs Bill…
1992: Bush I loses to Bill Clinton.
2000: Bush II beats Bill’s deputy.
2016: Bush III can’t even compete with Bill’s wife.

(December 24)

If a tennis player thrashes someone 6-0 6-0 in 25 minutes, is it the court’s problem or the loser’s?
Why blame the Nagpur pitch if South Africans played crap?
#TestCricket

(December 22)

Dilwale Box Office Le Jaayenge.
Par Bajrangi Bhaijaan Aur Prem Ratan Jyaada Dhan Payo.

You may have heard of 2-minute noodles.
Well Miss Columbia was a 2-minute Miss Universe.
‪#‎MissUniverse2015‬

New opening strategy…
Gambhir, tu Jaitley ko defend kar aur Sehwag, tu unke opponents ko attack kar!

(December 21)

Indian selector…
Ashish Nehra ko retire karwana
+ Rohit Sharma ko drop karna
mushkil hi nahin, naamumkin hai.
‪#‎IndVsAus‬

(December 19)

Dear celebrity,
If you think that the number of trolls is greater than the number of genuine users then maybe you are the actual troll.

(December 17)

3 Principles of Pakistani foreign policy…
1. Hate India.
2. Do whatever America says.
3. That’s it.

It is nothing but the union of Union Carbide and DuPont with zero justice to the victims of the Bhopal Gas Tragedy.

Ek fighter jet ki keemat tum kya jaano Erdogan Babu!
—Vladimir Putin in “No Shanti No”.
‪#‎RussiaTurkeyCrisis‬ ‪#‎ISIS‬

(December 4)

South Africa continues to show supreme intolerance to Rohit Sharma’s immense talent.
‪#‎IndvsSA‬ ‪#‎4thTest‬

(December 3)

The money spent on all these climate conferences is probably 10 times greater than all money spent on flood relief.
‪#‎COP21‬ ‪#‎TamilNaduRains‬

Tests!
No results in 5 days = Problem.
Result in 3 days = Problem.
Green pitches = Problem.
Crumbling pitches = Problem.
Dead pitches = Problem.

(December 2)

#‎SaveWhitefield‬ (from traffic)
‪#‎SaveBengaluru‬ (from garbage and power woes)
‪#‎SaveKarnataka‬ (from plummeting governance)

Indo-Pak heads of State have met a million times.
Yet when they meet for the one million and first time, go ballistic by praising or rubbishing the meet.
‪#‎COP21‬

(December 1)

These versions by Sunil Rajguru