Political parties’ series…
DMK = Daddy Misses Kanimozhi.
ADMK = Amma Despises Muthuvel Karunanidhi.
BSP = Builders of Statues & Parks.
NCP = National Cash-cow for Pawar.
INC = Indian Network of Corruption.
BJP = Busted Jaded Party.
CPI = China Please Instruct.
CPM = Chillar Party of Marxists.
TRS = Train-roko. Raasta-roko. Strike-karo.
JD = Just Dead.
UPA = Unilaterally Pissing-off Anna.
NDA = Never-say Die Advani (for PM).
SP = Sinking. Perishing.
These versions by Sunil Rajguru
Pakistan to US: We have nukes, don’t mess with us.
India to Pakistan: We also have nukes, but we allow you to mess with us, don’t we?
China to world: Nukes gaye tel lene, we’ll mess with who we please.
Russia: We have thousands of nukes and nobody even notices us anymore.
Britain & France: What about us, we’re invisible nuclear powers too!
Israel, North Korea, Iran…: Me too! Me too!
US: Bachha log jhagadna band karo. We rule the world without using a single nuke.
(Hiroshima and Nagasaki happened in the last century).
Japan: Besharmo, ek nuke ka kya asar hota hai, koi hamse poochho!
Terrorists: Bhagwan ke naam pe ek nuke dede re baba.
Moral of the story: Everbody loves Dr Strangelove and they have learnt to stop worrying and love the bomb.
This version by Sunil Rajguru
∙ Yesterday: Friend, Philosopher and Guide.
Today: Friend, Subscriber and Liker.
∙ Yesterday: You’ve got mail.
Today: You’ve got notifications.
∙ Yesterday: Stop bugging me.
Today: Stop poking me.
∙ Yesterday: Main aur meri tanhai…
Today: Main aur mera status message…
∙ Yesterday: If you have 5 true friends, it’s enough.
Today: If you have 500 Facebook friends (true or false, who cares), it’s enough.
∙ Yesterday: The more books you read, the more your brain will develop.
Today: The more friends you have on Facebook, the bigger your brain size.
This version by Sunil Rajguru
Technology…
The Book of Jobs.
Blackoutberry.
Google-.
National…
Roamfree.
Infoprez.
Rath Race.
Loktaal.
Plants Nuked.
Mine’s all Mine.
International…
Iran=Ikill.
On its Haqqaknees.
Sports…
Still on its Dhoknees?
Crum-ble.
This version by Sunil Rajguru
Journalist: Wanted someone who can fabricate stories and make mountains out of molehills and vice versa without a conscience.
PR: Do you have a bit of Niira Radia within you?
Banker: If you can ensure your salary and bonus for just one year and have great short-term financial goals (the overall economy and Sensex be damned) then please apply.
Banking Consultant: If you are a small-time goonda, here’s your chance to become a respectable recovery agent.
Lawyer: Just head to any political party after your law degree. Most of them end up there anyway.
Commercial Pilot: Just make sure you have enough money to buy a fake degree.
Sales Job: But can you lie 24X7 and be confident about it?
Accountant: Knowing all the rules and being good with numbers is not enough. Apply if you can manipulate rules at will and make numbers dance in any way you want.
Real Estate: Do you have it within you to handle the land mafia to make it big?
Army: Adarsh hai to wahan pe apply karo…
Politician: If you have all the above mentioned skills, then we already welcome you to the wonderful world of Indian politics.
© Sunil Rajguru
1963: Lokpal Version 1.0.
Creator: Papa Singhvi. PM: Pardada Nehru.
1968: Version 2.0.
Introducer: Papa Bhushan. PM: Dadi Gandhi.
1971: v3.0. 1977: v4.0.
1985: v5.0. PM: Papa Gandhi.
1989: v6.0. 2001: v7.0. 2005: v8.0. 2008: v9.0.
2011: v10.0 not cleared by Parliament.
Rejoice!
v11.0 now to be branded as Lokpal Strong Ultra Version 11.0.
Dramatis personae & Descandants, circa 2011…
Beta Singhvi (Head of Standing Committee), Mamma Gandhi (Congress President), Beta Bhushan (Team Anna) and Mahatma Gandhi Version 2.0 (a.k.a. Anna Hazare).
Lonely Lokpal’s song…
Saare bhrastachariyo ka bojh hum uthate hain,
Sarkare aate hain, sarkare jaate hain,
Par hum yahin pe khade raha jaate hain…
Burning Question…
Will Beta Gandhi finally manage to make it a reality when he finally becomes Prime Minister one day?
Inscription for all those staring at the Lokpal Hell Gate…
Abandon hope all ye who enter here!
This version by Sunil Rajguru