Category Archives: Short Takes

June 2012 Status Updates

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∙ The Phases of Manmohan Singh…
In 1991 he was the New Moon.
By 1996, he waxed to become the Full Moon.
In 2004 he was the New Moon again.
Only to become the Full Moon in 2009.
Now he’s waning towards a New Moon for 2014.

∙ Lukas Rise-ol beats Ra-fell Nadal.
Roger that?

(June 29)

∙ Today’s PJ…
What’s common between the Iron Man and the Iron Pillar of Delhi?
Both the pillar and Advani have been around for donkey’s years confounding experts as they simply refuse to rust!

(June 28)

∙ Dollar to Rupee: Tum kitne gire hue ho!

(June 23)

∙ Like Brangelina, Singur should be renamed Mamatata.

(June 22)

∙ ELEMENTS of Adarsh…
Crores vanished in the AIR as they poured WATER on the dreams of honest defence personnel. Now all evidence has been destroyed in a FIRE and Justice will be forever buried in the EARTH.

∙ Bhrastachaar itna bad gaya hai ki uska naam ab Bharshtapaanch rakhna padega.

(June 21)

∙ Pranabda then and now…
1980s: Main banunga Pradhan Mantri.
Now: Main banunga Madamji ka Rubber Stamp (Pradhan Mantri MMS) ka Rubber Stamp.

(June 20)

∙ It’s called Rashtra“pati” because all husbands are generally useless and don’t have a say in the decisions of the house.

(June 19)

∙ It’s so funny that on Facebook every status sounds grand, every picture looks good, every link sounds important, every friend feels true and every trivial activity is hallowed. All that is ignored in real life mysteriously becomes magnified manifold when made virtual.

∙ Mamata must be really de.prez.d nowadays.

(June 18)

∙ All in a fortnight…
Sania wins French Open.
Sonia wins Presidential Open.
Saina wins Indonesian Open.

(June 17)

∙ The Presidential post is ceremonial.
MMS made the PM’s post ceremonial.
MMS for Prez!

(June 13)

∙ Pranab for Prez talk…
Congress: We would like to do something special for 1 Bengali.
Mamata: First do something special for 9 crore Bengalis.

(June 11)

∙ The Planning Commission is making a lot of illoogical decisions of late.

(June 9)

∙ Indian petrol’s ultimate goal…
Jitne dollars main barrel, utne Rupees main litre.

(June 4)

∙ I just love Aamir Khan’s passion, tears and commitment.
To think he’s just getting a measely Rs 3 crores per episode for doing exactly that.
Dhana Jayate!

∙ PJ of the day…
Why is the UPA like a cake?
Because both are great when fresh, but stink when they’ve been around for too long.

∙ The Congress ate Rs 5.50 from the Rs 7.50 petrol hike and gave back Rs 2 to the common man saying: Tu do kha!

∙ Dost dost na raha, Pyari Pyari na raha...

(June 2)

∙ Annual Appraisal
PM: I have just one question. Is any of us guilty?
CBI: No! You are all innocent.
PM: Your grade is “Outstanding”! Keep it up.

(June 1)

© Sunil Rajguru

May 2012 Status Updates

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∙ Chennai Super Kings lost domestically.
Chennai Super King won internationally.
Vish Chess had more respect in India.

∙ Rebels: Tere baap ka party hai kya?
Naveen: With a name like “Biju” Janata Dal, what else do you expect?

(May 31)

∙ Irony: Mamata celebrating Bengali pride via Mumbai ownership (SRK) and Delhi leadership (Gambhir). (Tata and Sonia must be laughing)

(May 29)

∙ Anagram of “Dhoni” is “hi Don”. So here’s saying Hi to the new Don of IPL!

∙ White Skin and Black Money: The Indian Dream.

∙ The inflation increase from UPA1 to UPA2 is directly proportional to its increase in vote share.

(May 27)

∙ There was this petrol hike (a real pain),
Of the middle class it was the bane,
It came once and again,
And again and again,
And again and again and again…

∙ The Congress is a sinking ship right now.
But listen to their warning to the common man:
Hum to doobenge sanam, par tumko bhi le doobenge.

(May 24)

∙ Lokpal status…
2011: Anna Movement.
2012: Anda (Zero) Movement.

∙ The answers to all the world’s problems seem to be present in the Facebook News Feed.

(May 21)

∙ Indian politicians targeting cartoonists is but natural.
All power centres eventually go after the direct competition.

∙ The CSK-IPL rule…
If CSK plays really badly in any given IPL, then only 3 other teams will be able to play better. The rest will crash for no apparent reason.

∙ Mishti dohi: Famous sweet of West Bengal.
Dimaag ka dahi: When the mind goes kaput.
Maoisti Dohi: What Mamata’s brains have become.

∙ Anyone remember Didi’s Comedy Show on Doordarshan in the 1990s?
Well, it’s back in West Bengal 24X7.

(May 20)

∙ In Bangalore, it’s always raining. (Thanks to 2 monsoons)

In RCB, it’s always raining 6s. (1 Gayle monsoon is enough)

(May 17)

∙ Son to ND Tiwari: Tu jaanta nahin mera baap kaun hai?

∙ Bakwaas 2G Shaayari…
Raja ki aa gayi hai baraat,
Honi thee yahi baat,
2G probe ki lag gayi vaat,
Bharat ke kuch aise hi halaat,
Sab neta logo ko maaro laat…

∙ The world economy has been hit by Greeced lightning.

∙ Mayawati has a greater ROI than Jaya.
Newspaper ads will be trash tomorrow, but Statues are forever.

(May 16)

∙ Tihar Jail ka Raja-yoga khatam ho gaya hai.

∙ India has achieved Six Sigma Rating in Corruption.
We have less than 3.4 convictions per million corruption cases.

∙ R.I.P. 2G Scam 2007-12.
Thanks for the seemingly 1.76 lakh crore media bytes, status messages, Tweets etc.

∙ The breaking news is actually that A Raja was sentenced to 15 months in a Rs 1.76 lakh crore corruption case and that sentence is now complete.

∙ First A Raja & All: Jail.
Then it’s inevitable: Bail.
Finally corruption case: Derail.
Indian system: Fail.

(May 15)

∙ On retrospect, the Lokpal sense of the house was nonsense. The government should be renamed Anna as they got their way like Big Brother.

∙ Aman ki Asha sounds like a love story with Aman as the boy and Asha as the girl.

(May 9)

∙ Congress to Pranabda…
You are too ripe for the government.
You are too raw for Prime Ministership.
But I think you’re just right for Rashtrapati Bhawan!

(May 4)

© Sunil Rajguru

Consolidated petrol price hike musings…

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∙ Ye bechara petrol price ka maara,
Ise chahiye Congress se chutkara.

∙ Petrol prices in India don’t need Viagra.
They keep rising all the time no matter what…

∙ Akkad pakkad petrol go, assi nabbe poore sau,
Sau pe keemat lagega jab, sarkar nikalke bhaagega tab.

∙ Overheard…
First person: Someone hit a 6 in the Indian Premier League!
Second person: That’s nothing. The Indian Petrol League just hit a 7.5.

∙ Our demand in one word…
Petrollback!

∙ Ye government sasura bahut eco-friendly hai.
Their aim is to keep as many vehicles off the road as they can.

∙ India’s new mascot is Johnnie Walker.
And hence the new slogan is “Keep Walking”.

∙ Old: Don’t Drink and Drive.
New: Drink, but don’t Drive.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Random IPL & SRK controversy musings…

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∙ Shah ruk!
Nahin rukunga!

∙ I love you K K K K K K Kiran!
I hate you C C C C C C C Controversies!

∙ SRK vs KKR: Dada! Dada! Dada!
SRK vs RR: Smoking case at Jaipur stadium.
SRK vs MI: Ban at Wankhede stadium.
Next match is what?

∙ Citi should instead make a charitable contribution for every IPL controversy and they’d go bankrupt in no time.

∙ It is difficult to tell whether the IPL has more controversies or 6s by Chris Gayle.

∙ If the TRP ratings for IPL matches is 4, then similar ratings for IPL controversies is probably 40.

© Sunil Rajguru

Little things that irritate me in India…

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∙ People calling on the phone and asking, “Who’s speaking?”
“Man you called! Introduce yourself!”
Best repartee suggested by a friend: “Who’s listening?”

∙ People getting into the lift even as I’m trying to get out.
What do they want? A lift with two doors: One for in and one for out?

∙ Strangers asking me, “What’s your caste?”
“Man! I don’t want to tell you and I don’t give a damn whether you have a caste or not!”

∙ People yelling and screaming on TV debates.
The weaker the argument, the louder the voice.

∙ People never coming to a meeting on time.
Einstein was right. Time is relative… for every Indian.

∙ People overtaking my car from the left side on the roads.
Right is always right and left is always wrong. But if there’s a mishap, you’ll be the first one to come and argue with all guns blazing!

∙ People honking their extra loud honks all the time.
What do you expect me to do? Turn my car into a plane and fly over the traffic jam?
Best quip by a foreigner: If you’re deaf then you can’t drive on Indian roads.

∙ TV news sensationalism.
Millions of TV bytes over a single meaningless story and yet no end result.

∙ The chalta hai policy.
Chal nahin raha hai, hum chala rahe hai…

© Sunil Rajguru