Category Archives: Indian Politics

When Manmohan Singh finally spoke…

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MMS speech…
Main #TheekHu
Pappu #TheekHai
UPA #TheekHai
Corruption #TheekHai
Economy #TheekHai
Modi #TheekNahinHai
Vote for Congress in 2014.
UPA3 zindabad!

MMS: I want Pappu to become PM so that history will then judge me as the second worst PM ever and not the worst!
#TheekHai

Q: How do you know Modi will be a “disastrous PM”?
MMS: Well, I’m the best judge as I have been one for 10 years now ain’t I?
#TheekHai

Apparent MMS logic…
Scams of UPA1 are OK because we got re-elected in 2009.
Scams of UPA2 are OK because Modi will be a disastrous PM in 2014.
#TheekHai

Arvind Kejriwal: Yeah! I am finally trending above Narendra Modi!
Alok Nath: Bitch please!
Manmohan Singh: My one boring speech can change that, #TheekHai?

Every night Manmohan Singh stares at the 2009 giant spoof poster “Singh is King” in his bedroom, sighs and goes to sleep.
#TheekHai

MMS statement…
Scams in UPA1 are OK because we got re-elected in 2009.
Corollary…
So if you don’t get re-elected in 2014, then you are guilty of scams of UPA2?

Future tense…
Modi as a PM will be a disaster: MMS.
Present tense…
MMS as a PM is a disaster.
Past tense…
On hindsight, even UPA1 was a disaster.

Manmohan: Pappu beta, tu PM banega?
Pappu: #TheekHai.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Successive annual agenda for Modi haters…

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2002: Modi will be sacked any time now.

2003: How has Modi not been dismissed by now?

2004: NDA has gone—Modi should step down as CM.

2005: Modi will get indicted/chargesheeted any time soon.

2006: Just a matter of time before Modi goes.

2007: Modi will never get re-elected in the absence of polarization.

2008: Modi has no moral authority on the CM’s chair.

2009: Pappu is the next PM, no BJP leader will ever come close.

2010: Modi is finished. The End.

2011: Modi cannot even dream of becoming PM.

2012: Advani will never allow Modi to be PM.

2013: BJP will never announce Modi as their PM candidate.

2014: Kejriwal will split votes and prevent Modi from becoming PM.

© Sunil Rajguru

The difference between Narendra Modi and all the rest…

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Congress leader…
Stage 1: The allegation is wrong.
Stage 2: The chargesheet is wrong.
Stage 3: The trial is wrong.
Stage 4: The verdict is wrong.
Modi…
Stage 0: Whatever allegation you’re going to make is correct. Hang him!

Congress…
They have 1969 (Gujarat riots), 1980 (Moradabad riots), 1983 (Nellie massacre), 1984 (anti-Sikh pogrom) and 1989 (Bhagalpur riots).
Modi…
But 2002 is a greater number than either 1969 or 1980 or 1983 or 1984 or 1989.

Congress…
Emergency, Section 66A, Article 356, Section 144, no elections for the Congress President when a dynasty member is around…
Modi…
Fascist! Dictatorial! No free speech in Gujarat!

Pappu…
What about work experience?
Not required. He is fit to be Prime Minister because he is well-meaning, inclusive and cute.
Modi…
His 11 years’ experience as CM proves that he is unfit to be PM.

Others…
There is no development in a, b, c… States.
Modi…
The development of Gujarat is not inclusive!

© Sunil Rajguru

A day in the life of the average Congress spokesperson…

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1. Get up in the morning and sing, “Saare jahaan se acchha, Pappustan hamara…”

2. Check Sonia Unhappiness Index mobile app.

3. Scan the newspapers for…
a. Congress misdeeds to see how it can all be blamed on Modi.
b. Check how many times Modi has been trashed as a measure of their victory.

4. Tweet silently cursing how the Congress hasn’t conquered Twitter yet.

5. Shout non-stop on TV channels all day.

6. Watch movies like Wag the Dog and wonder at the spin that can be achieved by any government.

7. Try writing books like How To Make Enemies and Still Influence People and hope it will be a best seller.

8. While sleeping, gargle to maintain most precious asset: The voice.

© Sunil Rajguru

When the AAP comes to power…

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Do you want to ban homosexuality in Delhi?
SMS Yes or No to…

Do you want a reduction of power tariff?
Email your response to…

Should the following minister resign on those allegations?
Protest at Jantar Mantar to make your views known…

Is the Delhi GPO doing a good job?
Post your letters to…

Do you want me to step down?
All the above mentioned options are open.

The government is short of funds.
Send in your donations to…

Slogan…
Kar lo governance aam aadmi ki mutthi main.

(But is it AAP democracy or Participative Democracy or Mobocracy?)

© Sunil Rajguru

Many a slip between the Lokpal Bill and Act…

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The Lokpal Bill was presented in Parliament in 1968.

Since then… man walked on the moon, Pakistan was split into two, India and Pakistan became nuclear powers, the PC entered households, BJP created, an Indian entered space, the Russian Communist Empire collapsed, we entered the Internet age, 9/11 happened, India saw 10 more people become PMs, an African American became US President, Anna Hazare brought India to a standstill over the Lokpal Bill, Sachin debuted and scored his 1st and 100th international century and retired, India launched Mars probe…

Alternatively…

When the Lokpal Bill was presented in Parliament, Anna Hazare was in the army.

Since then… Anna served in the 1971 war, quit service, transformed his village Ralegan Siddhi, started a Grain Bank, launched many anti-corruption movements in Maharashtra, was jailed in Yerawada (Pune), got State ministers indicted, spearheaded RTI movement in State, helped pass Act stopping arbitrary transfers of officials, launched a campaign against Pawar, spearheaded August Kranti, was jailed in Tihar, saw the launch and electoral success of the Aam Aadmi Party…

Though some things never change…

In 1968 Pappu didn’t have any achievements because he wasn’t born.
In 2013 Pappu still doesn’t have any achievements.

Theme song…
Aayega aayega aayega aayega Lokpal ek din, aayega..

© Sunil Rajguru