Category Archives: Indian Politics

The Social Butterfly Effect…

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The Butterfly Effect
The flapping of a butterfly’s wings in Brazil can set off a tornado in Texas.

The Social Butterfly Effect
The flapping of a social butterfly’s wings in Dubai can set off a political tornado in India.

Explanation
A social butterfly flaps her wings in Dubai.
Gets sweat equity in a club cricket team in Kochi.
Leads to the resignation of the Minister of State for External Affairs.
Makes a Maharashtrian central minister squirm along with his colleagues.
Results in unprecedented Income Tax raids at the offices of the premier cricket body.
Checkmates a high-flying cricket club league chairman and commissioner.
Has industrialists scrambling for records of agreements and bids.
Brings to light government eavesdropping on the high and mighty of the land.
Gets the political Opposition screaming and shouting, only to fall flat on a Cut Motion.
Puts the Queen of Uttar Pradesh and the Queen of India together at last.
Ends up in making a Jharkhand politician forget which side he is voting for.
Infuriates a leading political party into withdrawing support to the forgetful politician.
…
Itna political tornado kaafi nahin kya?
…but the effects are still being felt and will be felt for some more time…

© Sunil Rajguru

1000 corrupt politicians sitting on the wall…

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1000 corrupt politicians sitting on the wall,
1000 corrupt politicians sitting on the wall,
And if one corrupt politician should accidentally fall,
There’ll be 1001 corrupt politician sitting on the wall.

1001 corrupt politicians sitting on the wall,
1001 corrupt politicians sitting on the wall,
And if one corrupt politician should accidentally fall,
There’ll be 1002 corrupt politician sitting on the wall.

1002 corrupt politicians sitting on the wall,
1002 corrupt politicians sitting on the wall,
And if one corrupt politician should accidentally fall,
There’ll be 1003 corrupt politician sitting on the wall…

Notes:

1. For every corrupt politician who is exposed or caught in India, two take his place thereafter.
2. India has been playing this game since 1947.
3. If you pay good salaries, you may or may not get corrupt politicians.
If you pay abysmally low salaries, you will definitely get near 100% corruption.
Our founding fathers chose the second option.
Post-1991, the private sector is competing with the world, while the average Indian politician compares nowhere with his Western counterpart.
4. If you pay peanuts, you get monkeys.
If you pay peanuts to politicians, then you get a monkey political system where the common man ends up being the real monkey.

This Version By Sunil Rajguru

Sab ganda hai par dhandha hai ye… (IPL remix)

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Please sing to the tune of Sab ganda hai from Company…

Cricket boat mein note, Modi pe khot, IPL pe chot,
Ghapla baar baar, jhootha hai karobaar, hain ye political war,
Sab ganda hai par dhandha hai ye…
Sab ganda hai par dhandha hai ye…
Sab ganda hai par dhandha hai ye…

Cricket ki sadan, sab kala hai dhan, rivals ki jalan,
Jhoothe hain hote, maange bas note, raho tum lotpot,
Sab ganda hai par dhandha hai ye…

Sab political parties ek, IPL pathshala main classmate, paise hi phek,
Cricket-fixing baar baar, betting ka karobaar, golmaal ka czar,
Sab ganda hai par dhandha hai ye…

Hazaaron hain raaz, dekho aas paas, paise ki pyaas,
Cricket boat mein note, Modi pe khot, IPL pe chot,
Sab ganda hai par dhandha hai ye…
Sab ganda hai par dhandha hai ye…
Sab ganda hai par dhandha hai ye…

Spoof By Sunil Rajguru

(Original song: Ganda Hai
Film: Company
Year: 2002)

What they really wanted to say on Tharoor…

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Laloo: What a loser! The fodder scam was worth thousands of crores and here I’ve heard that only 50-70 crores was involved! And that too not directly attributed to him! (Though I’ve heard he’s marrying her, in that case it’s OK as in politics wives have full access to the husband’s legacy. P.S. Rabri has already been CM so I am no longer interested in the Women’s Reservation Bill)

Mulayam: I hate cricket. I hate IPL. I hate British sports. Ban everything. (Actually the real reason why I want him out is that I’ve been meaning to ban computers and here’s a guy who’s taken Indian politics into the computer! Dangerous!)

Left: We don’t have any real issues and our policies are irrelevant to modern India, but we like protesting, which is on our blood, so we will protest any way. As it is, this guy is our No.1 Enemy as he spends thousands of Rupees on 5-star hotels. (Politicians’ thousands of crores of hidden money doesn’t bother us though)

Pranab: When I talked of austerity, he stayed in 5-star. Serves him right!

Modi: When we are together-together, I am Mr Clean. When we are against-against, I am Mr Shady? What a hypocrite!

Shashank Manohar: Ye IPL ke haath dede mujhe Thakur!

Balasaheb: This is not fair. I’ve been ruling politics for decades. I hate the IPL jamboree but no-one listened to me! Who’s this upstart who hasn’t been in politics even for a year! He’s been more successful than me this year. And he’s making Pawar squirm. That’s my department!

Manmohan: I really like this guy. With all these controversies, is anyone even talking about me? I am quietly doing what exactly I want to do. I’m loving it! I’ll definitely get this guy back when the entire furor ends.

© Sunil Rajguru

You have no moral right…

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BJP to Congress: You have no moral right because of 1984 Sikh Riots.
Congress to BJP: You have no moral right because of Babri Masjid.

Advani to Manmohan: You have no moral right because of you’re spineless.
Manmohan to Advani: You have no moral right because of communalism.

Mulayam to Maya: You have no moral right because of statues and garlands.
Maya to Mulayam: You have no moral right because of criminals.

Detractors to Modi: You have no moral right because of Godhra.
Modi to detractors: You have no moral right because you govern worse than me.

Lalit Modi to Shashi Tharoor: You have no moral right because of Sweat equity.
Tharoor to Modi: You have no moral right because of the way you run IPL.

Politician A to Politician B: You have no moral right because of corruption, nepotism, incompetence and minimal development.
Politician B to Politician A: You have no moral right because of corruption, nepotism, incompetence and minimal development.

For once they are all Right. Nobody really has any Moral Right any more.

In Indian politics, if you’re in the Right, you’re not Morally Right.
If you’re in the Left, you’re Morally Wrong.
Nothing changes even if you move to the Centre.

Elsewhere Great Politicians have achieved Immortality.
Our Politicians have achieved Immorality.

© Sunil Rajguru

Mangetar, Mangetar aur Woh…

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Everyone’s talking about the Sania-Shoiab match. Looks like there are plenty of book and Bollywood movie ideas in the saga…

Some sample titles…

Mangetar, Mangetar aur Woh

Everything but Tennis and Anything but Cricket

Kasab gaya. Shoiab aaya. How to be a famous Pakistani in India.

Work-Life Balance: How to Excel at Match-Fixing Professionally and Personally Too

The Cricketer who Double-faulted and the Tennis Player Who Hit Her Own Wicket

Alternative Reality: Had Sania Won a Grand Slam Early in Her Life, She May Have Led an Anonymous Life

Jab Sania-Shoiab Raazi To Kya Karega Media?

Samjhauta Express Derailed: A Look at The Biggest Indo-Pak Crisis Since Kargil

No Weddings & a Media Funeral

© Sunil Rajguru