Let him cast the first stone…

They were all about to pelt stones in Parliament…

Then Prophet Sibal came and said, “He that is without corruption among you, let him cast the first stone…”

They all stopped and said “What the hell” and started throwing stones at Sibal himself…

…and Sibal went on the backfoot and Raja went to jail and licenses were cancelled and the PM squirmed and there finally was a JPC probe and…

Moral of the story: There are no morals in politics. So why do some politicians talk, sermonize and preach so much?

© Sunil Rajguru

India’s corruption pyramid…

India has a very elaborate corruption pyramid.

At the very bottom is the largest base: All those millions of corrupt people. From the top politicians with their fancy Swiss bank accounts, down to the peon who’ll take a few notes to make sure you meet the babu.

At the second level are the people you think are corrupt. Whispers surround them, but by and large they lead nice corrupt and peaceful lives for life.

At the third level are people who stand exposed. At the local level everyone knows about them. Complaints have been made to no avail. At the national level, they are the stars of 24X7 news channels.

At the fourth level are those who are actually arrested. Yes, the pyramid is really getting narrower now.

At Stage 5 are parked those arrested corrupt entities who have charge sheets filed against them and actually appear in front of a judge.

Level 6: Long-drawn cases and in the unlikely event of a verdict, appeal and movement to a higher court.

Level 7: Bingo! A corrupt official is actually convicted and goes out to serve his full sentence.
(Of course, if you think 8-10 years in a furnished prison cell with mobiles and TV is enough for swindling thousands of crores, then it’s a success. The concerned person is free to retire to Switzerland to spend comfortable last days there.)
I’m sure there must at least be one really corrupt national politician at the top of this pyramid, though I somehow can’t seem to recall him or her right now.

(P.S. Congratulations former telecom minister Mr Andimuthu Raja, for whizzing from Levels 1 to 4 in a matter of years. Now is the time to relax and maybe retire, for you may be stuck in this level for life! Even the next two levels aren’t that bad, though.)

© Sunil Rajguru

Modern Indian history, according to Rahul beta…

Pre-1947: Motilal Nehru was a great freedom fighter.

1947-64: Pardada is PM.

1964-66: Somebody is PM.

1966-75: Dadi is PM.

1975-77: Chachu running the country the way he wants to.

1977-80: India on Emergency Mode.

1980-84: Dadi is PM again.

1984-89: Papa is PM.

1989-91: Papa is not PM.

1991-98: Mamma is in the wilderness.

1998-Now: Mamma is president of the Congress (India’s most important post).

© Sunil Rajguru

The state of political advisors in India…

Recently, the Chief Minister of Karnataka has been in a spot of bother, seeking advice from his inner circle…

First Advisor: Step down for the good of the party.

Second Advisor: Make sure you and your near ones stay away from all land deals.

Third Advisor: We have a great array of legal options. Don’t worry!

Astrological Advisor: People are doing black magic against you. Do a Suryanamaskar in the buff to counter all that.

CM: What perfect sense my astrological advisor makes! All the others talk such downright nonsense!

© Sunil Rajguru

All you need is 10 years…

(Recently Rahul Gandhi said something to the effect that just 10 years were needed to bring about a change in the country…)

Rahul: Give me 10 years and I will eradicate corruption.

Advani: That’s what I’m saying! We got just 5 years in power, we need just 5 more. Come on! Give it to me!

Yedyurappa: Advaniji, mere to mushkil se teen saal hi ho rahe hai aur aap mujhe jaane ke liye bol rahe ho!

Manmohan: Ye kya anarth ho raha hai! Year 5 tak corruption khatam tha! Years 5-10 main kaise bad raha hai?

Laloo: Accha ab samjha! Everything went wrong in years 10-15!

Nitish: LOL! Maine to paanch saal main hi kaya palat kiya hai!

CPM: Who is this Rahul Baba? He doesn’t know anything! You actually need 40 years! And we have just done 34! Just give us 6 more years!

People: Eh!!! Nehru got 17. Indira got 15. Manmohan is getting 10. Rajiv, Rao, Shastri together got much more than 10 years. What are you saying? You want to be PM for 10 years?

Congress spokesman: Err, are you saying that the term of Lok Sabha and assemblies should be 10 years instead of 5? Please tell fast, today 7 TV appearances!

India: Rahul Beta, call me India or Hindustan or Bharat or what you will, I have been around for thousands of years!

Rahul: Dil to bachcha hai ji!

© Sunil Rajguru

The secret diary of LK Advani…

Still plenty to live for…
Let me review my Vision 2020…

2011: Current Congress government most corrupt in the history of India!
Have to go on the offensive, stall Parliament, organize as many yatras as I can…
Stay in the limelight… stay in the limelight…

2012: Have to push Vajpayeeji for the President’s post when Pratibha madam retires. Only fit man in India to swear me in as PM…

2013: Modi will be sworn in as CM in the beginning of the year.
I have to get him to break Basu’s Bengal record.
Got to keep him away from Delhi… got to keep him away from Delhi…

2014: Anti-incumbency wave will finally hit UPA.
I finally get my dream to be PM!!!

2015: Nitish Kumar has to be pacified.
His re-election will make many NDA allies propose him as PM candidate.
5 cabinet berths for JD(U)? Massive Bihar relief package? Unification plan for Bihar and Jharkhand?

2016: Rath Yatras 17, 18 and 19 will have to be kick-started to maintain popularity.

2017: I will show these jokers how to implement 4G!

2018: BJP’s glorious campaign on Black Money will finally bear fruit, boosting the economy and boosting my popularity too!

2019: On my re-election as PM, I will simply have to appoint my successor, otherwise they will start pulling me down.

2020: Rath Yatras 20, 21 and 22 to celebrate my second term.

2024: Lok Sabha polls? No, no, no… that will be thinking too far ahead!

© Sunil Rajguru