The Anna Hazarical group of companies…

Posted on December 26, 2011 by Sunil Rajguru

Social activist Anna Hazare has spawned a group of services all across India and is doing a lot of things for a lot of people…

Anna Political Opposition Services
Have you been a poor Opposition and been unable to stand up to the Government of the day? Have you been ineffective and invisible for too many years? Then never fear! Anna will do your dirty work for you!
Clients: BJP and other Opposition parties.

Anna Legislative Consultancy Services
Have your bill drafts been weak and unable to gain wide acceptance of the masses? Have you been unable to pass a particular bill for four odd decades? Well then, Anna will help you on your way!
Client: Congress and Lok Sabha. (Unwillingly)

Anna TV Programming Services
Tired of showing the same ole shit related to Bollywood, cricket and other mundane happenings of India? Anna will provide you with enough TV content to last 25 hours comfortably, if ever the day was to be extended.
Clients: All Indian TV news channels.

Anna Image Management Services
Do you want to be political stars without being politicians? Simply join our team!
Clients: Kiran Bedi, Arvind Kejriwal, Prashant Bhushan, Kumar Vishwas…

Anna Alcoholics Anonymous
Do you want to give up your drinking habit for good? Well, step this way please! We will flog you within an inch of your life and you will be too scared to look at a single peg in your entire life!
Clients: The anonymous alcoholics of Ralegaon Siddhi.

Anna Recruitment Agency
Have you been unable to hire an effective Lokayukta for your states? Are all your prospective candidates jinxed? Don’t worry: Team Anna will give you a workable list and push hard in the public domain.
Client: Karnataka Lokayukta (trial in progress).

Anna International Services
Coming Soon.

Anna Catering Services
Disclaimer: Please simply go on a fast!

Some Anna Hazare musings…

Posted on December 26, 2011 by Sunil Rajguru

∙LM Singhvi: I gave birth to the Lokpal Bill.
Abhishek Manu Singhvi: That’s nothing. I killed its effectiveness.
Anna: Wait for the Second Coming.
Lokpal Terminator: I’ll be back!

∙ Sonia: Now I’m ready to fight for the Lokpal Bill!
Anna: OK, wear the boxing gloves and let’s get in the ring.
Spokesperson: No. No. No. That’s against our sanskriti. What it means is that when someone else writes a speech, she reads it out and when she writes a statement, someone else reads it out. It’s nothing more than that!

∙ Maybe it’s all a problem of numerology while naming it the Lokpal.
Some alternative names…
Latepal… Lamepal… (go jump in the) Lakepal… Mockpal… (chaaku ki) Nokepal… Roke(sako to rok lo)pal… Tokepal… (un)Luckypal… Netapal… Votepal… Waatpal… Quotapal… (zero+joke)Zokepal…

The vision of various Prime Ministers …

Posted on December 17, 2011 by Sunil Rajguru

Jawaharlal Nehru: Mujhe sau saal aage ka dikhayi deta hai…

Lal Bahadur Shastri: Main kaise mara, aaj tak kisi ne nahin dekha.

Indira Gandhi: Maine sab ko dikha diya! Koi nahin tika mere saamne!

Morarji Desai: …aur maine Indira ko hi dikha diya…

Charan Singh: As a PM, maine Lok Sabha ko dekha hi nahin!

Rajiv Gandhi: Hame dekhna hain…

VP Singh: Maine Rajiv ko dikha diya! Bas yahi mera maqsad tha!

Chandra Shekhar: Mujhe bas PM ban-na tha aur maine sabko dikha diya!

PV Narasimha Rao: Dekhte dekhte mere paanch saal nikal gaye!

Deve Gowda: Mujhe kuch dikhai nahin de raha hai! (Oh sorry! Aankhe band the, main so raha tha!)

IK Gujral: Mujhe kisi ne dekha kya?

AB Vajpayee: Hamari popularity chali gayi, aur mujhe dikhai nahin diya, aur general elections prepone kiya aur haar gaya!

Manmohan Singh: Sab kuch dikhai de raha hai, phir bhi chup baithna pad raha hai…

The wisdom of the UPA…

Posted on December 15, 2011 by Sunil Rajguru

It’s the economy stupid!=Economist Manmohan Singh made Prime Minister.

Love your enemy=No strong action taken against terrorists; China threat ignored.

Youth is the future=Rahul Gandhi is future PM.

Think before you speak=Kapil Sibal’s pre-screening of Internet content.

Speech is silver=Diggy Raja, Manish Tiwari & Co.

…and silence is golden=Manmohan Singh & Sonia Gandhi.

Black is beautiful=Refusal to expose Swiss Bank accounts.

With great power comes great responsibility=PM: Actually I have no real power and hence I have no real responsibility.

The importance of woman power=Sonia Gandhi president of the Congress party for record 13-years and counting, more than Mahatma Gandhi or Jawaharlal Nehru; dynamic Pratibha Patil made President of India; Sheila Dixit continues despite CWG blot.

Only the great defy gravity=Thanks to us you have continuous inflation, petrol hikes…

Get everyone on board before making a decision=Nobody is coming on board only nowadays! So from now on there will be no major decisions.

Albert Einstein said, “…the fourth world war will be fought with sticks and stones.”
If we have no breakthrough in the December agitation, then the fourth Lokapl war will also be fought with sticks and stones!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Real to reel and back to real…

Posted on December 13, 2011 by Sunil Rajguru

A dam appeared on the silver screen.

That gave a totally new insight to people around the dam.

On one side, the dam looked totally new.

But from the other side, it looked old and dilapidated.

From a few thousand kilometres up North, it couldn’t even be seen.

And nobody could see under the ground to check if seismic waves would rise up and disrupt the structure.

The heat is rising all around and two states are heading towards troubled waters.

Sometimes real life inspires reel life and then than reel life escapes back into real life.

Damn!

Some slogans to live and die by…

Posted on December 13, 2011 by Sunil Rajguru

The Bible: Live and Let Live.

James Bond: Live and Let Die.

Suicide Bomber: Die and Let Die.

India’s Terrorist Policy: Die and Let Live.

∙ New brand ambassador for Maharashtra Tourism: Kasab.
Catchline: Come visit us, you’ll love this place so much that we’ll never let you leave!
(No spelling mistake. It can’t be “we’ll never let you live” as death is reserved only for common citizens and not hardened terrorists.)

P.S. Delhi could say the same for the Kashmiri who visted them: Afzal Guru.