Monthly Archives: April 2016

The #PanamaPapers

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Panama canal: A conduit to carry black money.
Panama disease: A financial disease involving offshoring.
Panama hat: Income Tax department ko topi pahanana with offshoring firms.
Panama cocktail: To mix white and black money in your financials.

1996: The Tailor of Panama.
20 years later…
1996: The Launderer of Panama.

Hamaam main sab nanga goes international.

Picchle saalo main itna leak ho chuka hai ki samundar bhar gaya hai, par mushkil se boond bhar arrests hi hue hai.
‪
Looks like a lot of people are more interested in shouting Panama Mata ki Jai.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

#BharatMataKiJai @ #NITSrinagar

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The irony…
JNU students raised anti-India slogans and were arrested after due procedure.
NIT students raised pro-India slogans and were beaten up.

BJP leaders goofing up day in and day out. Alarming part is that they still look dazzlingly brilliant when compared to AAP-Congress leaders.

New term: “Mild lathi charge”.
Was the lathi mild?
Was the police charge mild?
Did they hit the students mildly?
‪#‎NITSrinagar‬

Bharat tere tukde honge = FoE = Freedom of Expression.
Bharat Mata ki Jai = FoE = Fascism of Extremists.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

The latest round of Modi musings…

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Supporters of Sonia: Neutral.
Supporters of Kejri: Neutral.
Supporters of Lalu: Neutral.
Supporters of Modi: Fill in blanks with expletives.

Who is greater? Sachin or Kohli? At least that’s a debate.
What of ‪#‎AdarshLiberals‬ who still think Pappu-Kejri-Kanhaiya each is greater than Modi?

Pappu will challenge Modi! (44 LS seats)
No Kejri will challenge Modi! (4 LS seats)
Errr Kanhaiya will challenge Modi! (CPI 1 LS seat)

The man* who does things makes many mistakes, but he never makes the biggest mistake of all: Doing nothing**!
—Benjamin Franklin
*Modi **MMS

Media…
Before: Don’t put caste or religion in headline, makes it look bad.
Now: Don’t put caste or religion in headline, unless it makes Modi look bad.

Modi to launch Stand Up India.
Pappu launched Stand Up Comedy India many years back.

Most ‪#‎OpinionPolls‬ in…
2002: Modi will lose.
2004: NDA will win.
2007: Modi will lose.
2009: UPA-NDA neck and neck, UPA slightly ahead.
2012: Hung Assembly in UP.
2014: BJP will not get 272.
2015: Some polls said Mahagatbandhan would win clearly. Some said NDA would win clearly. One gave such a range that MGB win, NDA win and hung Assembly was in a single poll!
Yet we fall for them every time.
Every single time!
#99%Failure

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Political musings of the day…

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Lalu is India’s worst politician.
Kejri is Junior Lalu.
Kanhaiya is Junior Kejri.

India—Pappu se chahiye azaadi.
Bihar—Lalu se chahiye azaadi.
WB—Jungle Raj se chahiye azaadi.
JNU—Kanhaiya se chahiye azaadi.

The Rolling Stones debuted when Nehru was Prime Minister.
With the way they’re going, they might be performing even (if and) when Nehru’s great grandson becomes PM.

Nitish…
P for Prohibition.
P for Peace.
Jungle Raj criminal…
B for Bihar.
B for Bootlegging.

Lalu ne Bihar ki waat laga di.
Ab gham main daru bhi nahin pee sakte wahan ke log!
‪#‎JungleRajWithProhibition‬

Empty vessels (bartan) make loud noise.
Pori-bartan makes even louder noise with its empty promises.
‪#‎WBPolls2016‬

Congress totally destroyed West Bengal by 1977.
Since then, for the last 39 years, it has been “Under Construction”.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

#2016T20WorldCup musings

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Glory days of West Indies cricket of the 1970s-80s in ODIs and Tests won’t return, but they’ve come back at least in international T20s!

Dhoni has been doing unconventional things for 9 years.
With that he’s won 3 ICC Trophies and 2 Asia Cups.
So you can’t say that he’s gone wrong suddenly.

Sehwag didn’t get his 3rd Test triple.
Dhoni isn’t getting his 3rd World Cup.
But Rohit will get his 3rd ODI double.

1975-Hockey-Indira.
1983-ODI-Indira.
2007-T20-Manmohan.
2011-ODI-Manmohan.
All 4 World Cups under Congress Prime Ministers.

1983 World Cup final…
183 in 60 overs enough with West Indies.
2016 World Cup semi-final…
192 in 20 overs not enough with West Indies.

1979—Eng-WI final.
Since then from 1983-2015 all World Cup (ODI + T20) finals (14 in all) had at least one team from Australasia
Full circle…
2016—Eng-WI final.

Greatest fighter: Bruce Lee.
Greatest villain: Christopher Lee.
Greatest cricketer: Virat Koh Lee.

Teacher…
Every day is not a Sunday.
Kohli…
Every day is an MC-BC chakka-chauka maaro day.

Kohli ko neend main se utha ke bat thama do to fir bhi kisiko bhi 6 maarega.

The England riddle…
Great Test and T20 team.
Rubbish ODI team.

Sachin was declared a better batsman than Gavaskar.
ODIs had a great role in that.
Kohli will surpass Sachin.
iT20s will ensure that.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

March 2016 Status Updates

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Strange…
The foreign media appears more shocked over the protests against the terror attacks rather than the attacks themselves.
‪#‎Brussels‬

(March 28)

Yesterday…
This is life. We are all just passing time here.
Today…
This is the Internet. We are all just passing time here.

(March 27)

You don’t need a Home Page any more.
A website can post just links of its articles via social media and still go viral and get a zillion hits.

(March 26)

No one ever really dies on X-Files.
Afridi never really retires.

If Tintin was a real person, he would go after all the terrorists and catch them one by one.
He wouldn’t be crying like that cartoon which went viral.
‪#‎Brussels‬

(March 25)

Pakistan’s golden age with cricket against India started with Miandad’s last ball 6 in Sharjah in 1986 and ended with the 1992 World Cup loss at Sydney.

(March 20)

English schoolkids wore ties.
Indians copied them.
Most English schoolkids stopped wearing ties.
Indian schoolkids still wear them.
(Despite India being much hotter than UK!)

Madame Tussauds made a statue of Manmohan Singh but it was immediately transferred to another Madam who used it to run the nation for 10 years.

(March 19)

The Left may kill a million and at the same time scream from the rooftops over an alleged unproven act of violence by their opponents.
‪#‎LeftistTerror‬

Ministers make editorial changes in their documents.
Editors make political changes in their reports.
‪#‎Ishrat‬

We are exercising our FoE¹.
—Kanhaiya and students.
We are also exercising our FoE².
—JNU authorities.
¹=Freedom of Expression.
²=Freedom of Expulsion.

(March 15)

They should just rename the Newshour to APL or Arnab Premier League.
Arnab wins every time.
Other 10 participants to battle for Runners Up trophy.

(March 12)

Maal-laaya.
Maal-liya.
Maal-le gaya.

RJ: Rich Joke
MCJ: Middle Class Joke
PJ: Poor Joke
RPJ: Really Poor Joke
BPLJ: Below Poverty Line Joke
DCJ: Destitute Class Joke

The exact yoctosecond you were born, you held the world record for being the youngest human being on Earth.

(March 10)

SWAK = Sealed With A Kiss.
SWAS = Sealed With A Six.
‪#‎Dhoni‬ ‪#‎AsiaCup‬ ‪#‎6KaBadshaah‬

(March 7)

These versions by Sunil Rajguru