It’s raining scams…

The scams in India just keep piling up. Just when you thought it couldn’t get worse, the CAG presented three scams in a single day including Coalgate, the biggest of them all…

Please sing to the tune of It’s Raining Men by The Weather Girls…

Hi, Hi! We’re your neighbourhood politicians, ah-huh,
And have we got news for you—You better listen!
Get ready, all you lonely citizens,
and leave those scruples at home, alright!
Corruption is rising, morality’s getting low,
According to all sources, the scam’s the way to go,
Cause today for the first time,
Just about 2012,
For the first time in India’s history,
It’s gonna start raining scams.
It’s raining scams! Hallelujah! It’s raining scams! Amen!
These politicos are gonna go out to run and let themselves get
absolutely soaking wet in black money!
It’s raining scams! Hallelujah!
It’s raining scams! Of every shape and size!
Billions, millions, big and small,
Power, coal, spectrum, housing, coffins, oil… they’ve covered them all.
God bless the First Politicians, they knew what to do,
They ripped off all our resources and did what they had to do,
They taught every next politician to live his own black dream,
So that each and every leader could find the perfect scam,
It’s raining scams! Hallelujah! It’s raining scams! Amen!
It’s raining scams! Hallelujah!
It’s raining scams! Ame———nnnn!

(Original Song: It’s Raining Men.
Group: The Weather Girls.
Year: 1982)

This Spoof by Sunil Rajguru

Yet more musings on Coalgate and other scams…

∙ They should call him Sri Prakash Jai-sawal-pe-sawal.

∙ UPA=Unlimited Profiteering Alliance, Utterly Pathetic Alliance, Unaccountable (to) People Alliance, Unashamed Parties Alliance, Unbalanced Power Alliance, Un-Productive Alliance, Unbearable People’s Alliance, Unbelievably Pretentious Alliance, Uncertain Policies Alliance, Ulta Pulta Alliance, Unchecked Power Alliance…

∙ As far as the Congress is concerned, CAG=Campaign Against Government and VR (Vinod Rai) should get VRS. But seriously, CAG=Corruption And Government.

Bharst nazar wale, tera muh kaala, tera spectrum kaala, teri bijli kaali aur koyla hai to kaala hi…

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

More musings on Coalgate and other scams…

∙ Arybhatta invented Zero.
UPA invented hugely multiple Zero scams.
Sibal invented nullify via multiply by Zero method.
They deserve Zero votes in 2014.

Woh tha Raja of 2G.
Manmohan hain Maharaja of all G (Generations of governments).

∙ Progress a la Manmohan
Jitna 1991 main economy ka size tha, us-se bada to scams ka size hain 2012 main!
OR
Yesterday
The turnover of General Motors was greater than the Union Budget of India.
Today
The size of scams is greater than the turnover of General Motors.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Musings on Coalgate and other scams…

∙ The perfect Indian neta brushes his teeth with Coalgate, uses a 2G mobile, is proud of his Army’s Bofors guns, signs all his papers on Telgi stamp papers, has a house in Adarsh, is very proud of our success in the 2010 CWG Games, puts a very high price on his vote, is a loyal Swiss Bank customer, uses palmolein oil at home and loves shady Big Bulls.

∙ UPA logic…
Only a “fraction” of funds reach masses.
Greater the amount of scams, proportionately greater that “fraction”!

∙ The ABC of scam busting
is actually
The CAG of scam busting.

∙ UPA 2.0 means scams in the region of Rs 2.0 lakh crores.
Wait for UPA 3.0!

∙ 2G scam’s No. 1 status up in the air.
Coal scam blacker than the blackest!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

We didn’t start the scamfire…

This could well be in anthem of UPA2.

Corruption, scams and scandals have been around in India for what seems like forever.

Please sing to the tune of Billy Joel’s We didn’t start the fire

Haridas Mundhra & LIC, Pratap Singh Kairon & SC,
Jeep scam, Cycle import scandal, BHU funds misappropriation,
Teja loan and Kaling Tubes, Nagarwala scandal’s on,
Maruti & Kuo Oil, AR Antulay and cement what ho!

Bofors mega scam, St Kitts’s forgery and Airbus,
Palmolein Oil Import Scam in Kerala hai hai!

Harshad Mehta’s here now, the stock market’s got a new king,
Sugar import, preferential allotment, Meghalaya forest bye bye.

We didn’t start the scamfire,
It was always burning,
Since the world’s been turning,
We didn’t start the scamfire,
No we didn’t light it,
And we didn’t fight it…

Purulia arms drop, Fertilizer import uff oh!
CR Bhansali and Sukh Ram, Laloo’s fodder’s the big bloc.

SNC lavalin power project scam and Hawala’s on,
UTI almost falls, Cricket match-fixing around the clock.

Ketan Parekh, Barak Missile, and Kargil coffin scam,
Bihar land trouble and even a Cobbler scandal, India is a scamland,

PF, HUDCO, Taj corridor,
Navy war room spy scam, Trouble with Mr Telgi.

We didn’t start the scamfire,
It was always burning,
Since the world’s been turning,
We didn’t start the scamfire,
No we didn’t light it,
And we didn’t fight it…

Gegong Apang and PDS, Bihar flood relief scam,
Oil for food, Uttar Pradesh ayurveda and IPO.

Kerala ice cream parlour sex and Scorpene Deal,
White money homicide, Children of corrupt politicians.

Punjab city centre project scam, all sorts of mafia,
Haryana Teachers’ recruitment scam, Clean projects are a no-go.

Satyam not so true, State Bank of Saurashtra is in it too,
Jharkhand medical equipment scam, Cash for votes in Parliament also.

We didn’t start the scamfire,
It was always burning,
Since the world’s been turning,
We didn’t start the scamfire,
No we didn’t light it,
And we didn’t fight it…

Army ration pilferage, Ultra corrupt in the corrupt land,
Hasan Ali, Gujarat sugarcane, Emmar, Total scam invasion.

Coal, Tarta, CWG, LIC, Belikeri, Scam media mania,
ISRO S-Band, KG Basin oil, Goa SEZ, UP MGNREGA.

Adarsh, NHRM, IPL, Madhu Koda, ND Tiwari sex,
2G Rs 1.76 lakh crore, what else do I have to say?

We didn’t start the scamfire,
It was always burning,
Since the world’s been turning,
We didn’t start the scamfire,
No we didn’t light it,
And we didn’t fight it…

No control, Punjab paddy, Anna Hazare back again,
Flying club frauds, many scams in J&K too what rot.

Highway and HP pulse scams, Trouble on the airline,
Gujarat PSU irregularities, Sukhna, All’s sinking in scamistan.

Andhra also has a land scam, might as well commit suicide,
Karnataka Wakf Board Land, Maharashtra stamp duty.

President Patil land grab, Mines are under jungle law,
Congress and BJP wars, I can’t take it anymore.

We didn’t start the scamfire,
It was always burning since the world’s been turning,
We didn’t start the scamfire,
But when we are gone,
It will still burn on, and on, and on, and on…

We didn’t start the scamfire,
It was always burning,
Since the world’s been turning,
We didn’t start the scamfire,
No we didn’t light it,
And we didn’t fight it…
We didn’t start the scamfire…

(Original Song: We didn’t start the fire.
Singer: Billy Joel.
Year: 1989.)

This Spoof by Sunil Rajguru

The amazing Raja-Sibal jugalbandi…

∙ God created air.
The ICT industry invented the mobile.
Raja pulled Rs 1.76 lakh crore out of thin air via the mobile market.

∙ Houdini made things vanish.
Goebbels mastered propaganda.
Sibal used propaganda to make the Rs 1.76 lakh crore vanish.

∙ BJP created a telecom policy.
Raja created a telecom scam.
Since the term “telecom scam” begins with telecom, it all started with the BJP.

∙ Lessons for corporate India…
Manager created mega scam.
CEO sacked manager.
CEO is 100% clean by virtue of the “Manmohan Principle”.

∙ The corrupt politician’s slogans…
Tum mujhe ghoos do, main tumhe license doonga.
Black money is my birthright and I shall have it.
The common man’s counter-slogans…
One de Maar-tamacha.
Inquilab Jootabad.

© Sunil Rajguru