Raaj karega Pappu…

India invented the Zero.
Then it re-invented it with Pappu.

Advisor: Every time you open your mouth, we lose 1000 votes.
Pappu: So what do I do now?
Advisor: No problem. You reached zero long back. There’s no negative voting, so lage raho Pappubhai!

The man who is writing Pappu’s speeches is killing him.
If he writes his own speeches then it’s a case of suicide.

In 2009, most constituencies Pappu visited voted for the Congress.
In 2014, most constituencies Pappu will visit will never vote for Congress ever again.

Pappu just gave his greatest speech ever on TV channels.
(Since there was no audio, no-one could quite find any fault with it)

Pappu has set the bar so low for himself that if he becomes PM, then his every little achievement will be celebrated with pomp.
Nice strategy!

Q: Pradhan Mantra kaisa ho?
A: Narendra Modi jaisa ho!
Q: Aur Pradhan Mantra kaisa na ho?
A: Pappu.

Diggy Raja’s foot partially eclipsed his mouth.
If Pappu becomes PM, eclipse will be total!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Pappu will probably boast next…

My great great grandfather founded Congress.

My great grandfather founded India.

My grandmother founded Bangladesh.

My uncle founded the Indian automobile industry.

My father founded the Computer Age.

My mother founded a poverty free India.

I will found Paradise.

The next Nehru-Gandhi generation will found Heaven itself.

© Sunil Rajguru

Mera Pappu mahaan…

Aamir Khan: Papa kehete the…
Pappu: Papa kehete the… Daadi keheti thi… Pardada kehete the… Pardada ke Papa kehete the… Mummy keheti hai…

With his oratory, Pappu set out to better Barack Obama, but ended up surpassing even George W Bush.

Congress election slogan for 2014…
UPA2 to sirf jhaaki hai,
UPA3 abhi baaki hai.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

The consolidated Pappu speech…

The Congress is everywhere, it’s in your shirt, it’s in your pants. It’s bigger than Europe and the US put together. Congress ek soch hai. Congress ek jagah hai… magar Congress ek soch hai. Hence it is also a state of mind, if you have confidence, you will overcome it. Agar desh ko badalna hai, toh pahale Congress ko badalo… (Not happening!) Because to escape from the Congress, you require an escape velocity that is not only greater than that of Jupiter but that of the Sun. Vote for us in 2014 and you will say “I have lost it” and the escape velocity will be then even greater than that of a Black Hole.

This spoof by Sunil Rajguru

Pappu trashes convicted lawmakers ordinance…

In George Orwell’s 1984, there is a scene where a leader is giving a speech to a huge crowd and in the middle of it, he is given instructions and suddenly starts speaking exactly the opposite…
A similar Pappu moment just happened in India in 2014!

Sonia: OK, get ready to sit in the Opposition.
Pappu: I oppose the Government. Nonsense, tear it up…
Sonia: Sigh! That’s not what I meant.

How many Congress leaders must be doing a facepalm behind closed doors saying “Nautanki sala!”?

Advisor: Sir another attack on you!
PM: Who is it this time? Modi? Twitter? Pak?
Advisor: This time it’s Pappu!

The UPA story…
Manmohan: Yes, we can!
Sonia/Pappu: No, you can’t!

Pappu: Aaj kuch toofani karte hai!
Pranabda: Actually that’s called stealing my thunder!

Supreme Court supports Right to Reject.
Pappu Rejects convicted netas Ordinance.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Pappu’s favourite songs…

Kai baar yoon bhi dekha hai,
Ye jo mann ki gareebi rekha hai…

Ye PM ki gaddi mil bhi jaaye to kya hai?

Mera naam Papp-Pappu,
Papp-Pappu baba Papp-Pappu,
Raat chaandni main aur tu,
Hello, voter how do you do?

Kuchh to log Tweet karenge, logo ka kaam hain Tweet karna,
Chhodo bekaar ke trolls ko, kahi beet na jaaye raina…

Mera joota hai politics,
Mere patloon main hain politics,
Sar pe secular topi hai politics,
Aur ye dil bhi hai politics…

Nanhaa munnaa raahi hoo, desh ka sipaahi hoo,
Bolo mere sang, Vote Cong, Vote Cong, Vote Cong…

Suhaana safar aur ye mausam haseen,
Hamain darr hai hum satta kho na jaaye kahin…

Politics ki duniya se ho ke majboor chala,
Main bahut door, bahut door, bahut door chala…

Manmohan teri sarkar maili ho gai,
Paapiyo ke paap dhote dhote…

These versions by Sunil Rajguru