Tehelka musings…

Taliban justice…
Sexual harassment = 6 lashes to the back.
Tehelka justice…
Sexual harassment = 6 months leave and I’ll be back.
#TarunTejpal

1983…
Justice Chaudhury: Death to smugglers!
2013…
Justice Chaudhury: Six months leave for sexual harassment!
#Tehelka #TarunTejpal

I apologize and go on 6 months leave.
—Tarun Tejpal.
Dear Tehelka,
Oh, that’s the kind of apology you want from Narendra Modi for Godhra!

For every action (against Modi), there is an equal and opposite reaction (against his detractors).

The hate industry against Modi is far greater than the hate they claim he propagates.

The foundations of the entire anti-Modi alliance are nothing but a pack of cards.
They are destined to collapse sooner or later.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

T-shirt ideas and counter ideas for Modi haters and fans…

Anti-Modi: Modi is a Fascist.
–>Pro-Modi: I am a Modi supporter and I am not a Fascist.

When Modi becomes PM, I’m emigrating.
–>If Modi doesn’t become PM, I’m emigrating.

The M in Modi stands for Murder.
–>The d in Modi stands for development.

Never forget Godhra.
–>They will never let you forget Godhra.

The Gujarat Model will fail in India.
–>Only the Gujarat Model can save India.

If Modi fails in 2014, then he’s finished.
–>If Modi fails in 2014, then India is finished.

What about 2002?
–>What about 1969, 1980, 1983, 1984 and 1989?

Don’t vote for Feku!
–>Can you really vote for Pappu? LOL!

© Sunil Rajguru

10 things that could happen if Narendra Modi became Prime Minister of India…

1. Every price rise, inflationary trend, national tragedy… would be prefixed with “In a blow to Modi…”

2. Every Government scheme would be prefixed with “Sonia unhappy as…” or “Advani disappointed as…” or Rahul angry as…”.

3. Some would be tempted to call him “Alleged Prime Minister”.

4. The media would announce that they are no longer government stooges but “proudly anti-establishment”.

5. The Ministry of External Affairs would hold Passport/Visa Help camps all over the country to help all those people who threatened to quit the country if Modi became PM.

6. The Modi Industry would seek FDI to keep afloat.

7. MPs would petition the Nobel Committee to revoke Barack Obama’s Peace Prize if he invited Modi to the US.

8. Critics would start counting the years in terms of AG (After Godhra).
For example…
Modi became PM of India in 12 AG.

9. His supporters would start calling him Mahatma Modi.
(Jab critics bina wajah ke use gira sakte ho, to fans bina wajah usko chadayenge kyun nahin?)

10. Alternatively, such scenarios could be also become common…
Anchor: And in a blow to Modi…
(Aide whispers into anchor’s ear: Sir no more Bharat Nirman ads. All Congress funding has dried up.
Anchor: Do you think BJP will do the same and oblige us?
Aide: Why not try it out?)
Anchor: And in a blow to Sonia…

© Sunil Rajguru

Anything to get rid of Modi…

They can’t ban Modi.
So they are trying to ban Modi supporters.
They can’t ban opinions.
So they are trying to ban opinion polls.

New Congressi theme song…
Ae mere watan ke logon,
zaraa aankh main bhar lo paani,
jo Modibhakt hue hain unki,
khatam karo poori kahaani…

At any time in a clock it’s either AM or PM.
At any time in the MSM or Social Media, it’s either AM or PM.
(Anti-Modi or Pro-Modi)

#KapilSibal challenges #NaMo to debate.
Problem: Someone in the Light Flyweight category cannot challenge someone in the Heavyweight division.

1977: Anti-Indira.
1989: Anti-Rajiv.
2014: Anti-Modi.
First time a whole election campaign is around the Opposition Leader and not the sitting government.

Modi 24X7, Modi Today, Modi Now, The Times of Modi, Modi Express, The Modi Times, Aaj Modi, Modi India, The Modi…

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

The Chief Minister’s Speech…

In terms of drawing crowds at rallies at least, Modi is a Lakhpati.
Now he has to be a Crorepati at the ballot boxes to come to power.

Blockbuster of 2010…
The King’s Speech.
Blockbuster of 2013-14…
The Chief Minister’s Speech.

Most pro-Modi trolls are anonymous goodness knows who people.
Most anti-Modi trolls are public (and allegedly responsible) figures.

Use Feku kahate hai kyunki usne Pappu ke PM chances ko totally fek diya.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

The politics of India today…

How BJP is more evil than Congress…
90% of scams and riots committed under Congress regimes.
90% of scam and riot coverage given to BJP regimes.

A handful of people will want to leave India if Modi becomes PM.
But if we have a UPA3, then emigration will be the only option for many.

Nitish: We are turning Bihar into US.
Q: How?
Nitish: Well for a start, we are denying Narendra Modi a visa to enter Bihar.

They don’t want to ban Opinion Polls.
They want to ban Opinions.

Within you are the seeds of your own destruction…
soNiA MainO

Manmohan is starring in the reality movie…
Bharat Ko Jalakar Raakh Kar Doonga.

Once a President said that he would sweep the floor for a Madam Prime Minister.
Today a Prime Minister would probably do the same for a Madam President.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru