Twisted freedom quotes specifically for the Internet

∙ Freedom is my virtual birthright and I shall have it!

∙ Cyberspace is free speech of the netizens, for the netizens and by the netizens and all the politicians can go jump in a virtual lake!

∙ The Internet did not invent free speech. In a very real sense … free speech invented the Internet.

∙ It is true that in cyberspace you may suppress most of the people some of the time; you can even suppress some of the people all the time; but you can’t suppress all of the people all of the time.

∙ And so, my foolish politicians: ask not what the Internet can do for you – ask what you can do for the Internet.

∙ Politicians do not mistrust the Internet because they are maligned; they are maligned because they mistrust the Internet.

∙ Politicians versus the Internet: First they ignore it, then they try to suppress it, then they fight it, then the Internet wins.

∙ Tum mujhe bandwidth do, main tumhe free speech doonga…

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

The news in statements and mirror statements…

Sibal: Censor cyberspace!
Cyberspace: Censor Sibal!

Singhvi: Lokpal draft finished.
Team Anna: Lokpal finished!

Religious leader to women: Please don’t touch bananas.
Congress woman president to party leaders: Please stop going bananas!

Congress: FDI in Retail.
The Rest: Retail of Foreign Delayed Indefinitely.

Pranab Mukherjee: We are lucky that we are not eating lizards!
Citizen to politician: You lizard!

© Sunil Rajguru

Some highly Sibalized words…

Desibal: The amount of noise Sibal makes when he makes a grand announcement about things like policing the Internet.
1 Desibal = 200 decibels (dB).
Reference: 130dB=Threshold of pain. 194dB=The theoretical limit for undistorted sound.

Invisibal: The unseen logic of all the school of thoughts in the world that do not conform to Sibalism.

Abolisibal: Something that should be totally done away with, like cyberspace and the BJP.

Irasibal: The irritation we feel when we see Sibal and the irritation he feels when he looks down upon us.

Sensibal: What Mr Sibal thinks he is when he is actually nonsensibal.

Coersibal: The force which Sibal thinks he has to coerce us into submission.

Convinsibal: A synonym for unable of being convinced.

Enforsibal: Cyberspace censorship? Ha ha ha!

Forsibal: What we will do if you don’t compy with us.

Permisibal: The condition of only pro-Congress things being allowed in India.

© Sunil Rajguru

The UPA wants the 1984 reality in 2012…

In Steven Spielberg’s movie Minority Report, the pre-crime division arrested people before they committed the crime!
The UPA is working on a similar technology by which all anti-Congress status messages, comments and photographs will be blocked even before they can be put up.
After Spielberg, the UPA is looking to better George Orwell’s Thought Police.
Nineteen Eighty-Four has come and gone, but beware of Two Thousand-Twelve!

The Cybernukkad…
What if a Government official announced at every nukkad in India that speaking against the government was banned?
What would happen?
There would be a revolution all across India!
So then, why are you trying to do the same at all Cyberspace nukkads?

© Sunil Rajguru

Some Kapil Sibal censorship musings…

∙ Diggy Raja to Sibal: Jitni shaurat mujhe politics main chaalis saal main nahin mili, us-se jyaada tumhe cyberspace main ek chaalis minute ke press conference ke baad mili!

∙ Kapil, what you are trying to do on the Internet is imposibal!

∙ Khoob jamega rang, jab mil baithenge teen dost…Sibal, Diggy aur Stupidity…

∙ Sone… <Kapil Sibal joins Facebook>
…pe suhaaga… < Facebook introduces Hate button>

∙ Ab har Mummy apne bete se kahegi…
Log off kar de beta, warna Kapil Sibal aa jaayega!

∙ Saare netizens Darr rahe kyunki Cyber Dada aa raha hai… we are afraid of you K K K K K Kapil!

∙ Google India is thinking that if it can get a cent for every sentence against Sibal on Google, it could substantially increase its revenues.

© Sunil Rajguru

How to douse the fire a la Sibal…

Sibal: Cyberspace main aag lagi hai!
(Bhai sahab ne ek baalti uthai aur uske andar ka samagri ko aag main daal diya…)
Advisor: Sahab, woh baalti main paani nahin tel tha!
Sibal: Oops! I did it again!
Arthath: UPA ka fire-fighting phir tel lene gaya!

Advisor on December 5: Sir, there are about 7.2 million status messages, Tweets and pictures against the Congress!
Advisor on December 7: Sir, there are about 2.4 million status messages, Tweets and pictures against the Congress!
Sibal: So my press conference was a grand success!
Advisor: Errr…. Now there are 934.3 million status messages, Tweets and pictures against you sir!

© Sunil Rajguru