World: The best and worst of 2013
India: The best and worst of 2013
2013: Annus horribilis for Indian mainstream media
Cricket India: The best and worst of 2013
World Cricket: The best and worst of 2013
2013: Best year for Team India ever
Deepika Padukone creates the Rs 1000 crore club!
2013: The year Congress totally lost it
The Internet was the wonder of the last century. Many countries are now going in for 100% broadband penetration. India on the other hand recently just managed to touch double figures in Internet penetration. So for the 90-odd per cent…
…they are living in the 20th Century.
Most of the West was electrified in the 20th Century. Two-thirds of India still doesn’t have electricity…
…they are living in the 19th Century.
The Industrial revolution flourished in the 19th Century, but many areas in India are yet to see industrialization…
…they are living in the 18th Century.
The practice of female infanticide may have begun hundreds of years ago. But it is still rampant in India today…
…they are in some vague century in the Middle Ages.
The Indian Constitution granted equality in 1947. However still in many parts of India inter-caste marriages are not allowed by society and there are even killings over it…
…they are still in some vague century BC when Manusmriti was written.
Some sort of writing may have begun in the world many thousands of years ago. One-fourth of India is still illiterate…
…they are in some vague millennium BC.
So which century is India really in?
© Sunil Rajguru
∙ People calling on the phone and asking, “Who’s speaking?”
“Man you called! Introduce yourself!”
Best repartee suggested by a friend: “Who’s listening?”
∙ People getting into the lift even as I’m trying to get out.
What do they want? A lift with two doors: One for in and one for out?
∙ Strangers asking me, “What’s your caste?”
“Man! I don’t want to tell you and I don’t give a damn whether you have a caste or not!”
∙ People yelling and screaming on TV debates.
The weaker the argument, the louder the voice.
∙ People never coming to a meeting on time.
Einstein was right. Time is relative… for every Indian.
∙ People overtaking my car from the left side on the roads.
Right is always right and left is always wrong. But if there’s a mishap, you’ll be the first one to come and argue with all guns blazing!
∙ People honking their extra loud honks all the time.
What do you expect me to do? Turn my car into a plane and fly over the traffic jam?
Best quip by a foreigner: If you’re deaf then you can’t drive on Indian roads.
∙ TV news sensationalism.
Millions of TV bytes over a single meaningless story and yet no end result.
∙ The chalta hai policy.
Chal nahin raha hai, hum chala rahe hai…
© Sunil Rajguru
This could well be in anthem of UPA2.
Corruption, scams and scandals have been around in India for what seems like forever.
Please sing to the tune of Billy Joel’s We didn’t start the fire…
Haridas Mundhra & LIC, Pratap Singh Kairon & SC,
Jeep scam, Cycle import scandal, BHU funds misappropriation,
Teja loan and Kaling Tubes, Nagarwala scandal’s on,
Maruti & Kuo Oil, AR Antulay and cement what ho!
Bofors mega scam, St Kitts’s forgery and Airbus,
Palmolein Oil Import Scam in Kerala hai hai!
Harshad Mehta’s here now, the stock market’s got a new king,
Sugar import, preferential allotment, Meghalaya forest bye bye.
We didn’t start the scamfire,
It was always burning,
Since the world’s been turning,
We didn’t start the scamfire,
No we didn’t light it,
And we didn’t fight it…
Purulia arms drop, Fertilizer import uff oh!
CR Bhansali and Sukh Ram, Laloo’s fodder’s the big bloc.
SNC lavalin power project scam and Hawala’s on,
UTI almost falls, Cricket match-fixing around the clock.
Ketan Parekh, Barak Missile, and Kargil coffin scam,
Bihar land trouble and even a Cobbler scandal, India is a scamland,
PF, HUDCO, Taj corridor,
Navy war room spy scam, Trouble with Mr Telgi.
We didn’t start the scamfire,
It was always burning,
Since the world’s been turning,
We didn’t start the scamfire,
No we didn’t light it,
And we didn’t fight it…
Gegong Apang and PDS, Bihar flood relief scam,
Oil for food, Uttar Pradesh ayurveda and IPO.
Kerala ice cream parlour sex and Scorpene Deal,
White money homicide, Children of corrupt politicians.
Punjab city centre project scam, all sorts of mafia,
Haryana Teachers’ recruitment scam, Clean projects are a no-go.
Satyam not so true, State Bank of Saurashtra is in it too,
Jharkhand medical equipment scam, Cash for votes in Parliament also.
We didn’t start the scamfire,
It was always burning,
Since the world’s been turning,
We didn’t start the scamfire,
No we didn’t light it,
And we didn’t fight it…
Army ration pilferage, Ultra corrupt in the corrupt land,
Hasan Ali, Gujarat sugarcane, Emmar, Total scam invasion.
Coal, Tarta, CWG, LIC, Belikeri, Scam media mania,
ISRO S-Band, KG Basin oil, Goa SEZ, UP MGNREGA.
Adarsh, NHRM, IPL, Madhu Koda, ND Tiwari sex,
2G Rs 1.76 lakh crore, what else do I have to say?
We didn’t start the scamfire,
It was always burning,
Since the world’s been turning,
We didn’t start the scamfire,
No we didn’t light it,
And we didn’t fight it…
No control, Punjab paddy, Anna Hazare back again,
Flying club frauds, many scams in J&K too what rot.
Highway and HP pulse scams, Trouble on the airline,
Gujarat PSU irregularities, Sukhna, All’s sinking in scamistan.
Andhra also has a land scam, might as well commit suicide,
Karnataka Wakf Board Land, Maharashtra stamp duty.
President Patil land grab, Mines are under jungle law,
Congress and BJP wars, I can’t take it anymore.
We didn’t start the scamfire,
It was always burning since the world’s been turning,
We didn’t start the scamfire,
But when we are gone,
It will still burn on, and on, and on, and on…
We didn’t start the scamfire,
It was always burning,
Since the world’s been turning,
We didn’t start the scamfire,
No we didn’t light it,
And we didn’t fight it…
We didn’t start the scamfire…
(Original Song: We didn’t start the fire.
Singer: Billy Joel.
Year: 1989.)
This Spoof by Sunil Rajguru
America-Pakistan: It’s Complicated.
(Where US=Husband)
India-Pakistan: Divorced in 1947, still awaiting final settlement.
America-China: It’s Complicated.
(Where US=Wife)
Russia-America: It’s so funny how we don’t talk any more.
Brazil-Argentina: Relationship? Depends whether it’s on the football field or off it!
Afghanistan-Pakistan: Separated at birth, hyphenated in the 2000s.
(Af-Pak)
India-China: Married. (To the concept of being the next Superpower)
Israel-Palestine: Separated at birth, united in conflict.
South Korea-North Korea: Brothers. (In Arms)
England-France: Neighbours. (Thank God for the Channel!)
China-Taiwan-Tibet: What relationship? We are One. (Or so says every schizophrenic)
© Sunil Rajguru
Reference: Second Test between India and West Indies at Eden Gardens, Kolkata, November 14-17, 2011…
Lord of the Cups: The Return of the King, MS Dhoni
Lord of the Spins: The Two Towers, Pragyan Ojha and R Ashwin
Bbuddah… Hoga Tera Baap, Rahul Dravid
Mission Impossible 100, Sachin Tendulkar
Players of the Caribbean: At Wit’s End, the West Indies team
One Wedding and Four Batting Funerals, R Ashwin
Vidarbha Express, Umesh Yadav
The Exile, Harbhajan Singh
These Versions by Sunil Rajguru