Musings on Indian politics…

• Only in India: A party playing minority politics calls itself secular (Congress), a party with an ultra-Left outlook calls itself anti-Left (TMC), a party that championed reforms is opposing FDI (BJP) and a party which bemoans the caste system uses caste as its sole idenitiy (BSP).

• Sonia: If only I could speak like her. Sushma: If only I had her power.
Rahul: If only I had his personality. Modi: If only I had his destiny.

• Communal BJP is opposing FDI.
Therefore FDI becomes secular.
Hence it should be supported.

• The Congress started the Swadeshi Movement in 1905 and the Videshi Movement in 1991.

• Group A: Best Hindi orator Sushma + Best English orator Jaitley + Popular PM choice Modi + Best CM Nitish.
—Will lose in the elections to—
Group B: Sonia can’t speak for nuts + Rahul can’t think for nuts + Manmohan can’t govern for nuts.
Welcome to India. Barack Obama would lose his deposit here.

• The UPA is a lame duck government, but it still manages to give a solid kick with its good leg.

• When a secular wants to criticize a Muslim, he criticizes a Hindu first to show balance.
When Arvind Kejriwal wants to attack the Congress, he attacks the BJP first to show balance.

• England has the concept of Shadow Prime Minister.
India has the concept of Shadow Allies. (SP & BSP)

• Sholay, FDI remix: SP-BSP apne MPs se kehti hai, bhaag ja warna communalism aa jayega.

Hamaam main sab nanga. Sirf main kapde pahan ke nahata hu: Arvind Kejriwal.

• Our netas understanding of issues…
Q: FDI kya hai?
SP: BJP.
Q: Nahin, iska matlab kya hai?
SP: Communalism.
Q: Matlab, support kyun nahi kar rahe?
SP: BJP.
Q: Matlab, danger kya hai?
SP: Communalism.
Q: To phir abstain karke pass kyun karwaya?
SP: BJP aur communalism.

• Congress party ke do hai rakshak,
Hamesha bachate hai, bhale hi kare pahale bakbak,
Maya Didi aur Mulayam Chacha, hai koi shak?

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

November 2012 Status Updates

∙ Egypt’s journey, 1922 to now…
Imperial Dictatorship to Royal Dictatorship to Military Dictatorship to Civil Dictatorship.

(November 28)

∙ FDI = Finally DMK In.

∙ 2014 main UPA ka hat-trick ball aa raha hai. Lag gaya to BJP clean bowled, all down aur retire ho jaayega.

∙ Arvind Kejriwal: Mere paas paisa hai, shaurat hai, scoops hai, support hai, political party hai, 24X7 media coverage hai, tere paas kya hai?
Kiran Bedi: Mere paas Anna hai!

(November 27)

∙ After Kejriwal’s “Mango people” Aam Admi Party, banana republican Vadra will probably want to launch Kela Logon ka Political Dal or KLPD.

∙ Kejriwal’s party is Aam Aadmi Party or AAP.
Other parties not impressed, say…
AAP yaha aaye kis liye? AAP ka kuch nahin ho sakta!

(November 24)

∙ Egypt’s many springs…
1922 Spring: Britishers ousted. 1953 Spring: Monarchy ousted. 2011 Arab Spring: Dictatorship ousted. 2012 protests: Another spring?

∙ Pre-1947: Congress fought war of Independence against the British.
Now: Congress fighting war of Independence against CAG, CEC, courts and all Independent bodies.

∙ RP Singh’s economy rate: -1.74 lakh crore Rupees.
Wickets: 1, Vinod Rai. Or so says Third Umpire Congress.

∙ Indian team main ek RP Singh fast bowler tha.
CAG team main ek RP Singh spinner hai.

(November 23)

∙ Trust Arvind Kejriwal to spoil Congress’ 26/11 party.
NSG = “Not So Great” treatment of our heroes.

(November 22)

∙ After hanging Kasab, there’s one less Pakistani terrorist, we’ve helped our neighbour. But the number of Indian criminals remains exactly the same.

(November 21)

∙ Fiscal cliff. Republican partisan mountain. Iran nuke canyon. Petraeus gorge. Israeli ties plateau. Afghan precipice. China currency fault lines…. Rocky second term for Barack Obama.

(November 16)

∙ Rahul Gandhi=Peter Pan of India. Never grows up. Ungrounded: Flies in the air. Looks like he believes in magic. Doesn’t live in India, but his own Neverland.

(November 14)

∙ Adpapers: The Ads of India. Adistan Times. The Ad.
Ad channels: AdTV. CNN-AdBN. Ads Now. Ads 24X7.
Adazines: Adlook. Ads Today. Adfare.

(November 11)

∙ Congress leaders are absolute masters of the PDA: Public Display of Arrogance.
∙ Right now the time is 10.18 AM and the date is 11-11-2012. This happens only once in eternity. Wow!

∙ If there’s a right-wing Hindu within your office network, is he called an Intranet Hindu?

∙ Kejriwal has shamed them!
Khurshid: A sub-1 crore scam!
Vadra: I’m nothing in front of Raja!
Ambani: Rs 100 crore! Never seen such a low amount!

(November 9)

∙ Politicians are doing the role of businessmen and businessmen that of politicians.
Activists are doing the role of journalists and journalists that of PR professionals.

∙ Indian Railways’ Cursed Ticketless Corporation.

∙ 2012 sounded more like the second coming of Christ than the election of the US President.

∙ Maybe the Times of India can come out with a main edition called Ads and a supplement called News.

(November 9)

∙ Chinese leadership change slogans…
Change the party can believe in.
Audacity of hopelessness.
One couple one child zero vote.
No you can’t!

∙ 1971: Ram ka naam badanaam na karo.
2012: Radha ka naam badanaam na karo.

∙ Like Naughty@40, LK Advani is PMHopeAlive@85.

∙ LK Advani still blows out all the candles of his birthday cake, closes his eyes and wishes to be Prime Minister.

(November 8)

∙ The 3 Holy Ss of India…
Sonia—cannot be investigated.
Sachin—cannot be questioned.
Scam accused—cannot be convicted.

∙ Old biblical saying… And the meek shall inherit the Earth.
Ancient Indian saying… And the corrupt shall inherit the land.

∙ Old: Ek machhar aadmi ko hijda bana deta hai.
New: Ek Tweet aadmi ko criminal bana deta hai.

(November 1)

© Sunil Rajguru