Pappu: Where is my mobile? Is it in my shirt? Is it in my pant?
Chamcha: Wah! Wah! Bahut khoob! How poetic!
Pappu: Really? Let me use it in a speech!
Next day…
“Politics is in your shirt! Politics is in your pant!”

Chamcha on looking at Modi on TV: Wah! Sarkar ne aaj suit boot pahana hai!
Pappu: Ye suit-boot ki sarkar hai!

Pappu: Kaise ho?
Villager: Mera Bharat Mahaan!
Pappu: Bharat kaun hai aur mahaan kyun hai!
Villager: Par aap sab log to us pe raaj kar rahe hai!
Pappu: Hai! I deny these allegations.
Villager: Par Chacha Ne…
Pappu: Aapke Chacha?
Villager: Nahin aapke pari…
Pappu: Sanjay Gandhi Chachaji?
Villager: Jawaharlal Nehru.
Pappu: Par woh to mere naani ke papa the!
Villager: Jaanta hu!
Pappu: To bakwaas kyun kar rahe ho?
Villager: Par… par… par… eh… eh…
Pappu: Modi’s rule has already melted these poor people’s brains!

Advisor: The US-Saudi Arabia partnership is the main one of the 21st century. We should replace them.
Pappu: India is the Saudi Arabia of the 21st century!

Advisor: I think you should put your mind on the State of poverty in this country.
Pappu: Poverty is a state of mind!

Advisor: Sir. If there are 10 youths in Punjab, then 7 are addicted to drugs.
Pappu: 10 out of 7 youths in Punjab are addicted to drugs!

© Sunil Rajguru

2015: We will remove corruption from New Delhi.
2020: We will remove corruption from AAP.

2015: We will end VVIP culture.
2020: We will end AAP-VVIP culture.

2015: We will bring law and order under control in New Delhi.
2020: We will abuse Delhi Police regularly to bring law and order under control in New Delhi.

2015: We will give you free power.
2020: We will give you free candles.

2015: We will give you free water.
2020: We will give you free buckets to help you stand in the long lines for water.

2015: We will give you free WiFi.
2020: We will try to give you some power.

2015: We will open 500 new schools and 20 new colleges.
2020: We will open the 500 new schools and 20 new colleges we promised in 2015.

2015: We will install 10,000 CCTVs.
2020: We will install the 10,000 CCTVs we promised in 2015.

2015: We will fight for Delhi Statehood.
2020: We will continue the fight for Delhi Statehood.

2015: Sheila ne New Delhi ko barbaad kiya, hum theek karange!
2020: Modi ne New Delhi ko barbaad kiya, hum theek karange!

© Sunil Rajguru

Five Point No-one: What Not To Do at Parliament.
(Movie: 1 Idiot.)

One Night Dinner @ The Dalit Hut.
(Movie: Goodbye.)

The 3 Thousand Mistakes of My Life.

2 Countries: The Story of My Vacations.

Revolution 4040: That’s How Many Years It’ll Take.

What Rural India Wants: Visiting Dinner Guests and Padyatras.

Half Politician (Or Maybe Just One-tenth).

Bonus film…
Kick: How the Electorate Treated Me in 2014.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Governance Kejri style…
Delhi Govt—Less money.
AAP—Power subsidy.
Delhi Govt—Practically no money.
AAP—Water subsidy.
Delhi Govt—No money!
AAP—Subsidised AAP canteens all over!
New Delhi to be renamed New Subsidy.

Spot the difference…
We will protect Muslims—Sonia.
We will protect lower castes—Laloo.
We will protect middle class—Kejri.

By 2019, the bankrupt Delhi government coffers will get to know of a new term.
‪#‎AAPrupt‬‬‬‬

Kora kaagaz tha ye mann mera, likh diya uspe naam tera.
Kejri to corruption, nepotism and dirty politics.

Imran Khan’s PTI should rename itself to…
Aam Aadmi’s PTI.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Q—How does a Greek say EU?
A—Ewwww!!!!

In cricket, the umpire gives Out.
In EU, the umpire gives BailOut.

Are you worried about Climate Change?
Greece—No, Currency Change is more frightening!
‪#‎Greekment‬ ‪#‎ThisIsACoup‬‬‬‬‬‬‬

The G in Greece now stands for Germany.
The e in Germany stands for Euro.
And how long the Euro will stand no-one knows.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Indian Paupers League.

Chennai Super Paupers.
Rajasthan Commoners.
Deccan Discharged.
Kochi Detusked Kerala.
Pune Absentees India.
Next is what?

IPL—Have brand new teams every year.
Loads of money and no need to ban wrongdoing teams.

What may happen…
India Cements changes name to Chennai Cements.
Chennai Super Kings changes name to Chennai Sooper Kings.
Srinivasan also changes name.
IPL 2016: All Izz Well!

After Tests, will you retire from IPL too?
Dhoni—I think the IPL just got retired!
‪#‎IPLVerdict‬‬‬‬

From 2008-15, more than 500 IPL matches were played while Team India played only 44 international T20s.

BCCI = Betting Corruption Cash IPL.
The remaining is a Tiny TOT.
(TOT = Tests ODIs T20 internationals)

A brief history of IPL…
IPL founder fled India.
Half of owners arrested/being probed.
5 teams out.
Many match-fixing plus other scandals.

What’s the IPL score?
8 for 5.
8 = Seasons of IPL.
5 = Wickets (teams) down.
1. KTK.
2. DC.
3. PWI.
4. CSK.
5. RR.

Srinivasan’s son-in-law=Guilty.
Srinivasan’s team=Guilty.
Srinivasan’s fiefdom=Guilty.
Srinivasan=Squeaky clean.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru