Random Thoughts 19

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• I’ve just completed another revolution around the Sun. Is that cause for celebration? Hum yuhi suraj ke chakkar kat-te rahate hain zindagi bhar aur khush rahate hain. Rotation + Revolution = Illusion that you are progressing meaningfully.

• They say that God makes someone for everyone. In India, there are 944 females for every 1000 males. Does that mean there’s no-one for 56 males out of every 1000? Or is that some kind of Gay indicator?

• When India loses miserably and they show the subsequent Highlights, shouldn’t they be called Lowlights instead?

• There’s a gastronomical gap in my life. My stomach can never keep up with my mouth.

• Don’t worry too much about your roots. You always carry them with you and can plant them wherever you want.

• If you take morning walks in India with a “Sar utha ke jio” attitude, then you’re sure to step on dog poop and other dirt or trip over something.

© Sunil Rajguru

Overheard 3…

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2008: Kasab should be hanged.
2009: Will Kasab be hanged?
2010: Kasab will be hanged!
2011: Will Kasab really be hanged?
2012-2020: When will Kasab be hanged?
2021-Onwards: I don’t think Kasab will ever be hanged.

Mamata: Tata!
Buddha: Don’t raise old issues. That’s dead in Bengal and gone to Gujarat.
Mamata: Who’s talking of Ratan or Singur? Me and the State are saying tata to you and your party!

Caller: Regarding the IPL…
Pawar: What’s that?
Caller: The Indian Premier League…
Pawar: Never heard of it!
Caller: But you set it up, you’re the cricket badshah…
Pawar: The ICC has nothing to do with other boards and leagues.
Caller: But Modi said…
Pawar: I have no truck with Narendra Modi.
Caller: I give up.
Supriya: See! I told you it’s so easy!

© Sunil Rajguru

Status Updates May 2010

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· Success = 3 Timely Good Hot Meals + 1 Good Night’s Sleep (Every Day)

(May 25)

· It’s high time India, Pak built an Imaginary Wall: No talks, no ties, no trade, no nothing… politicians can’t do a thing… one day the people will themselves tear down the wall… till then stop wasting time…

· When 1 billion people take more than 10-20 years to hang a single person, it’s time to abolish the death penalty.

· Looks like Mamata has Left the Railways. God save us passengers!

· The Terrorist bans Life. The Pak Govt bans Virtual Life. Acchi jugalbandi hain!

· Modi & Modi. Politics & Cricket. Top Performers. Top Targets. Top Hates. Best & Worst together. What would we do without them?

· Pak fan’s diary: Pak maintains 100% victory record in 2010 too. Won 60% matches. Out of 40% matches lost, all were fixed.

(May 22)

· India and Pak are best of friends and believe in sharing! Apart from a shared heritage and culture, they also share Kashmir, bullets and terrorism…

(May 20)

· Unusual marriage vows: Do you Sunanda give up your IPL team? I do! … Do you Shashi give up your Govt Ministry? I do!

· Aman ki Asha = Chaman ki Bhasha.

· Newscast: Here is today’s news, weather, stock quotes and the latest Facebook Privacy settings.

· Facebook is a big fan of Heraclitus, who said: Nothing is permanent except change. That’s why they keep changing Privacy Settings every day.

(May 19)

· Is tiring a bit of T20. It’s like a long Bollywood movie. Can’t wait for International T10. That’ll be more like a Hollywood thriller!

· Rain rain don’t go away,
and still come again another day,
keep at it if you may,
I never believed in making hay…

· Brevity is the soul of wit. Lengthy is the soul of a twit. (Reference: Lalit Modi’s 15000 page reply)

· Saving (Un)Private Facebook

· High time they had parties, tamasha, bollywood stars, hype, team cheerleaders… in world cups and Tests. That’s the only hope of being taken seriously by Indian players.

· Next group to target Modi. Environmentalists. 15000 pages of paper in a paperless era, I tell you! How many trees did he butcher?

(May 16)

· Old Age Saying: The Joke’s on you. New Age Saying: The Joke’s your deputy.
(Courtesy: David Cameron)

(May 13)

· The grass is always greener on the other side = The ball is always shorter on the other side of Indian Cricket.

(May 12)

· I admire people like Shashi Tharoor and Jairam Ramesh. They challenge the absolutely “Fake Public Consensus” that India is steeped in.

(May 11)

© Sunil Rajguru

The truth about kid shows…

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Tom & Jerry: The ultimate ROI in history. Take the same episodes and telecast them a few thousand times over a few hundred channels and they still stay fresh. It was first made when my father was born. The same episodes I saw as a kid and the same episodes my son still watches and laughs non-stop.

Power Rangers: How to take the same ancient old wine and pour it into a different bottle season after season after season and still be a hit with kids…

Doraemon: How to have the coolest robot and the greatest gadgets in the whole planet and still emerge as the biggest loser (Nobita) in your neighbourhood.

Shinchan: God! Do such families actually exist? Or did the cartoonist make this character to make every parent good about his or her child?

Amar Chitra Katha: My favorite cartoon strip becomes a TV serial for my son. That’s progress, I guess!

Mr Bean: It’s OK for your kid to watch Mr Bean 100%, but not OK if your child behaves like Mr Bean even 1%.

Perman: With great power comes great idiocy.

Boobah: If you got high on grass and wanted to make something for 3-year-olds, then this would be it. The Pink Floyd of the toddler world.

Titeuf: If ever any cartoon deserved an X-Rating, then this is it.

Oggy and the Cockroaches: A favorite show to watch while eating? OK, I am old!

© Sunil Rajguru

So very typically Indian…

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• An organizing official comes at the centre of a busy traffic intersection and says, “Great. This is the perfect place to hold the function and set up a pandal.”

• A political party secretary receives a criminal charged with murder, kidnapping and looting and says, “Finally, a serious candidate for the elections.”

• The power company official comes out and smells wet soil and says, “Ah! The smell of incoming rain! It’s time to shut power for this area!”

• An employee who comes exactly on time, leaves exactly on time and spends the weekends with his family is frowned upon: We “unofficially” want slaves who will be camped in office all day and at our beck and call on weekends!

• The Prime Minister is about to hire a minister when he is told that he is computer literate, internet savvy and active on sites like Twitter. “Change of decision, we don’t want troublemakers!”

• A politician is ostracized by his community for not being corrupt: He doesn’t fit into the scheme of things and will throw a spanner in the perfectly functioning works.

• All the movies released are full of songs and focus on romance in some form or the other and yet all of them claim to be different.

• Thinking out of the box will make you out of sync with the people around you and eventually you will be out of the general scheme of things.

© Sunil Rajguru

Random Thoughts 18

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• Six Degrees of Separation just got promoted to Five Degrees of Separation thanks to social networking!

• No matter which religion you follow in this world, there will be more people who do not follow that religion. So relax and make peace with your own God and live your own Life.

• Recently people are scared that Man created Life. But the biggest threat remains that of Man destroying Life.

• The only thing protected by Privacy is Facebook’s Privacy Laws—they are so obscure, dynamic and long that no-one actually knows what they are.

• Every poster remembering a politician has the phrase: “His vision lives on”. Yeah, that’s because no vision ever gets fulfilled in this country and continues to live on indefinitely…

© Sunil Rajguru