Looks like Ekta Kapoor is the new consultant for the Nehru-Gandhi dynasty…
Indira ki bahu ro padi…
Rajiv ka beta chilla chilla ke Uttar Pradesh-waasiyo ke liye insaaf maang raha hai…
Priyanka ke do masoom bacche stage par…
Patidev Raabert desh ki janata ki sewa karne ke liye tayyar hai…
Zaalim opposition… Jhoothi Maya… Dhongi Akhilesh… Congress ki praja ke aankhon main aasu…
Yesterday: Hamaam main sab nanga…
Today: Hamaam ka sabun ka ek badiya soap opera bana do…
© Sunil Rajguru
Thousands of politicians swindle crores. Get away.
But common citizens get caught for paltry financial crimes.
Millions of common citizens watch porn regularly in office. Get away.
Ministers seen watching a few minutes of porn. Resign.
So there is some “perverted” sense of justice in this world!
∙ The CMP (Common Minimum Programme) that now defines the Karnataka BJP…
Corruption. Mining. Porn.
∙ In other countries, there’s a race to gain the higher moral ground.
In India, the race between all the parties is to see who gains the lower moral ground.
∙ Overheard in UP…
Who are you voting for? The 2G scamsters, the porn stars, the statue builders or the criminal backers?
© Sunil Rajguru
∙ God created air.
The ICT industry invented the mobile.
Raja pulled Rs 1.76 lakh crore out of thin air via the mobile market.
∙ Houdini made things vanish.
Goebbels mastered propaganda.
Sibal used propaganda to make the Rs 1.76 lakh crore vanish.
∙ BJP created a telecom policy.
Raja created a telecom scam.
Since the term “telecom scam” begins with telecom, it all started with the BJP.
∙ Lessons for corporate India…
Manager created mega scam.
CEO sacked manager.
CEO is 100% clean by virtue of the “Manmohan Principle”.
∙ The corrupt politician’s slogans…
Tum mujhe ghoos do, main tumhe license doonga.
Black money is my birthright and I shall have it.
The common man’s counter-slogans…
One de Maar-tamacha.
Inquilab Jootabad.
© Sunil Rajguru
∙ IPL: Auction.
Indian Cricket: Uski bhi nilaami ho raha hai.
∙ T20% of revenues coming in only nowadays.
∙ ODI = One Day India (were champions, but not today).
∙ Dhoni is the new Nehru-Gandhi dynasty type icon: There is no alternative.
∙ BCCI theme song…
Mujhe teri sponsorship ka Sahara mil gaya hota, agar toofan nahi aata…
∙ Meanwhile the UPA is also going in for a BCCI type board of its own…
Board of Control of Corruption in India.
When pointed out that this misses out Swiss Bank accounts, then the name ICC was suggested…
International Corruption Council.
© Sunil Rajguru
The Army Chief and the government are in dispute over whether the General’s official date of birth is May 10, 1950 or May 10, 1951.
Some possible solutions…
1. The General be promoted to Field Marshall, thereby solving the problem of retirement and succession.
2. The two agree that the date of birth touch the half-way mark and be fixed at November 10, 1950. A perfect compromise!
3. The government work on a time machine. Even if the contraption is built after hundreds of years, it can first visit 1950 and 1951 to ascertain the truth, then come back to 2012 to pass on the information and go back to the future from where it came from.
4. The retirement ages of everyone in the Army be pushed ahead by a year. When the General retires in 2013, then the Chief’s retirement age can be pushed ahead by 1 year too. As it is the average retirement age in Europe has crossed 65 and we are way behind on that count.
5. Parliament passes a Constitutional Amendment saying that handwritten applications take precedence over matriculation certificates.
6. The UPA government resigns and calls for Lok Sabha elections. This is the last straw in their beleaguered plate.
These versions (With due respect to the respected armed forces) By Sunil Rajguru
(Team India wins an international cricket match on foreign soil after more than 7 months. After failing to register a single victory in 17 international matches (Test+ODI+T20) we finally win at Melbourne.)
MS Dhoni: I think I’ll finally quit captaincy. Nothing is better than going out on a high!
Brett Lee: We are stunned! We never thought the Indians could actually win anything abroad! Nothing beats the Poms: They didn’t concede a single defeat last year.
Mickey Arthur: We were planning to rest before every ODI match with India in the upcoming triangular series, but I think we will now have to revise our strategy.
Virender Sehwag: The six I hit in my innings is the most significant one in my life and could well prove to be a major turning point in my career.
Gautam Gambhir: This is my third fifty that has revived Indian cricket. The first was in the 2007 T20 WC final. The second was in the 2011 ODI WC final.
Virat Kohli: The run out in my over was the turning point of the match. I think I’ll become a full-time all-rounder. Also, in the last series we won at Perth because of monkeygate. This time it’s because of fingergate.
Rajeev Shukla: The energetic fielding won us the match. The last time I saw so much energy in the team was when they went go karting. I recommend many more such sessions!
Duncan Fletcher: I was planning to retire, but I think this win may just have saved me.
Suresh Raina: When I retire, I’m going to settle down in Melbourne.
Rahul Sharma: I couldn’t believe we had won. I had to pinch myself. And I didn’t even have to bat!
Rohit Sharma: India now have a win for every ball I have faced on this tour.
Praveen Kumar: I would like to dedicate this victory to Sachin Tendulkar.
Sachin Tendulkar: I wish I was there, but there’s little scope to score a century in international T20s, so what’s the point?
Ravi Shastri: Every ball went like a bullet from the bat of the Indians!
Sunil Gavaskar: Whenever Dhoni comes down the order, India wins easily. Maybe that’s the way forward in Tests too.
K Srikkanth: Arre bhaiyya Aal Izz Well!
Statistician: Actually it’s nothing. The law of averages finally caught up with the Indian team!
This Spoof by Sunil Rajguru