Never-ending Pappu musings…

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First they ignore you, then they ridicule you, then they ridicule you again and then they ridicule you again and again and then they ridicule you again and again and again and then Modi wins.
—Pappu.

Worst Politician of India Award 2014…
Somnath Bharti and Pappu send in their nomination papers quite early in the year.

Congress leader: He is indecisive, clueless and confused. He doesn’t make any impact when he speaks. We are frustrated with him…
Sonia: Are you referring to Rahul or Manmohan?

Pappu ka sabse bada achievement LPG cylinders kiye nau se baraah.
Baaki sab main nau do gyaarah.

Bharat ek soch hai.
Congress ek soch hai.
Laloo ek soch hai.
Now I’m convinced that Pappu doesn’t exist.
Pappu sirf ek soch hai aur kucchh bhi nahin.

Raag Hindole: Dawn.
Raag Bhairav: Morning.
Raag Megha: Mid-day.
Raag Sri: Twilight.
Raag Deepak: Evening.
RaGa Pappu: Permanent night.

The rise and rise of Pappu…
2004: Trainee Prime Minister.
2009: Senior Trainee Prime Minister.
2014: Chief Trainee Prime Minister.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

January 2014 Status Updates

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The spokespersons…
NDA1: Arrogant.
UPA2: More arrogant.
AAP: Most arrogant.

(January 31)

Most MPs are indeed VIPs (Very Insignificant Parliamentarians).

(January 30)

We have so so bowlers.
That’s why we need sau sau batsmen.
#IndVsNZ

(January 26)

The Indian ODI bowling attack should rename itself the “300 Club”.
Any team can get that score against us.

(January 22)

Where do you stay?
Mumbai citizen: Parel.
Sanjay Dutt: Parole.

(January 21)

On the Day of January 26, Arvind Kejriwal will declare the AAP a Republic separate from India.
But when will the people of Delhi get Independence from him?

(January 20)

Nobody gets as much money just to laugh on national TV and do absolutely nothing else as does Navjot Singh Sidhu.
(How many thousands per laugh I wonder.)

(January 18)

Just a matter of time before New Delhi is declared a Republic with Kejriwal as its Supreme Leader.
Delhi Police will be replaced by AAP Army.
(P.S. Uganda no longer has Idi Amin)

BJP sells the bald combs and AAP gives them haircuts.
Why?
Because the entire nation has already torn out its hair in frustration over Congress misrule.

Why isn’t Pappu the PM candidate?
Because Sonia said for the 2,763rd time…
Beta tumse na ho paayega!
And Pappu quietly said to himself…
Mere paas ma hai!

Of course the 2014 Lok Sabha polls are a direct fight between Modi and AAP.
(Where AAP = Arvind Aur Pappu)

Alternative careers if Tharoor loses in 2014…
1. Reality show host.
2. Socialite-Playboy.
3. Aman ki Asha brand ambassador.
4. Bollywood romantic hero.

(January 17)

AAP to Binny: Aap galat hai.
AAP to Tina: Aap galat hai.
AAP to accuser: Aap galat hai.
Etc
Finally hoga ye...
2014 Voter: AAP galat hai.

Congress leader joins AAP and rubbishes AAP.
AAP blames BJP!
Atrocious Allegations Party?
#VinodBinny
(Now waiting for AAP to blame 2G/CWG on BJP.)

(January 16)

Citizen…
Mera Bharat mahaan, mera neta be-imaan.
AAP…
Mera party mahaan, baaki sab be-imaan.

While seeking votes in south India…
We are the most honest party in India!
–>AAPadiya?

(January 15)

Some are born PMs (Pappu), some achieve it (Vajpayee), some have it thrust on them (Manmohan), some can only dream (Advani), some are future PMs (Modi) and some are mere spoilers (Kejriwal).

3 PM candidates in the fray…
Modi: PM candidate.
Pappu: (Failed) PM candidate.
Kejriwal: (Prevent Modi from becoming) PM candidate.

(January 12)

The biggest problem of Indian talent shows is that most of the judges have so little talent.

(January 11)

Established parties are aping AAP.
AAP is aping established parties.
Coming soon…
Voters to all: Aap/AAP to aise na the!

They should be attacking Sonia for 10 years misrule, but too busy attacking Modi.
Pappu should be attacking Modi, but he’s too busy attacking the Congress.

AAP without Communist Manifesto.
Congress without dynasty.
BJP without NaMo.
Then I wouldn’t know who to vote for!

(January 10)

2008: Aamir creates 100 crore club.
–>Salman takes two years to catch up.
2009: Aamir creates 200 crore club.
–>Shahrukh takes four years to catch up.
2013: Aamir creates worldwide 500 crore club.

(January 8)

All politicians are useless.
Those that don’t appear so just haven’t been given enough of a chance.
#AAP

1943: Kismet creates Rs 1 Crore Club.
1975: Sholay creates Rs 10 Crore Club.
2008: Ghajini creates Rs 100 Crore Club.
(Upgrade every 30 odd years)

(January 6)

It should be called the thrASHES.
One side always thrashes the other badly and it’s rarely an even-sided contest.
#AusVsEng

(January 4)

The ABCD of the Congress…
Arrogance. Bolshevism. Corruption. Dynasty.

(January 3)

1977: Opposition unites to attack Congress.
1989: Opposition unites to attack Congress.
2014: Congress, non-BJP Opposition unites to attack Modi.

(January 2)

January 1, 2014: VirbhadraGate blows up, ChopperGate deal cancelled…
Looks like just another Scammy New Year for the Congress!

If Uday Chopra dies at the beginning of Dhoom 4, then it will make 500 crores.
All of India will want to attend that on-screen funeral.

The August presence of Agusta is no longer required.

Ra.One.
Dabangg 2.
Dhoom 3.
The “No logic” Triple Khan Rs 100 Crore Club Trilogy.

January 1: Happy New Year.
January 3: Pappu New Heir (To the Prime Minister’s chair!)?

Manmohan: Majorly accidental PM.
Pappu: Making him PM would be a major accident.

Do shoonya gyaarah main hi taya ho gaya tha ki ye sarkar 2014 main nau do gyaarah ho jaayegi.

TV viewer: Aap ko naya saal mubarak.
TV coverage: AAP ko naya saal mubarak.

(January 1)

© Sunil Rajguru

How Indian media focuses its camera…

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photographer-424622_640Once upon a time…

Modi’s faults: Zoom in, zoom in!!!
Modi’s successes: Zoom out, zoom out!!!

Congress’s successes: Zoom in, zoom in!!!
Congress’s failures: Zoom out, zoom out!!!

Then…

Just zoom out of Congress (totally gone case) and zoom in on Modi’s speeches.

After that…

AAP’s successes: Zoom in, zoom in!!!
AAP’s failures: Zoom out, zoom out!!!

After the Somnath Bharti raid…

AAP’s faults: Zoom in, zoom in!!!

And it’s always been…

India’s tamashas, nautankis and sensationalist events: Zoom in, zoom in!!!
India’s real issues: Zoom out, zoom out!!!

© Sunil Rajguru

If Pappu had to answer these questions…

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Q1: What is the capital of France?
A: The French people should be empowered.

Q2: What is the capital of Maharashtra?
A: We have introduced RTI and through that we can get the answer.

Q3: Name the top 3 scams of UPA2.
A: We have introduced Lokpal and six more bills are pending.

Q4: What is the square root of 9?
A: The system to get this answer has very sound fundamentals.

Q5: Why are you doing business with a corrupt person like Laloo?
A: Laloo is an idea. An idea is just an idea and cannot be corrupt.

Q6: How is the Congress not involved in 1984 and the BJP involved in 2002?
A: Because the Congress not involved in 1984 and the BJP is involved in 2002!

Q7: What is exactly going on in your mind?
A: I am not sure it is possible for RTI to be used in all possible situations and that system is not very sound on fundamentals.

Q8: How will you give power to the people?
A: By empowering them.

Q9: What are your views on woman empowerment?
A: Women should be given power.

Q10: Why aren’t you engaging in a debate with Modi?
A: Yes, we can debate that.

Q11: What do you think of AAP?
A: Koi AAP nahin, koi main nahin, sirf hum hai.

Q12: You are answering none of the above questions.
A: It is only by strengthening the fundamentals of the questions and thereby changing their system that you can empower the answers and even that is not possible because there are really no answers but just ideas and ideas are open and not closed to the system and this I learnt from my father who learnt it from my grandmother and I think that will finally prove to you that Congress was not responsible for 1984 and BJP was responsible for 2002 and this would have been evident had you exercised RTI which we implemented while our Lokpal will ensure that such tragedies will never happen again and hence it is not necessary to debate Modi and so when you understand this answer, you will have understood a little bit about who Rahul Gandhi is and what Rahul Gandhi’s circumstances have been and if you delve into that you will get an answer to the question of what Rahul Gandhi knows and what he does not know and how he is going to open up a closed system by opening up his brain in such fashion and that’s how I see more energy in India and no energy in all the other political parties put together and that’s the idea that the Congress (which itself is an idea) gives to India (which is also an idea) and to put it finally, I have absolutely no idea what I am talking about and that pertains any idea whatsoever.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Yet more Pappu musings…

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The Rahul Gandhi of Rahul Gandhi’s dreams is exactly like Superman, Batman and Spiderman.
(They are all fictional characters)

First they ignore you, then they ridicule you, then they ridicule you again and then they ridicule you again and again and then they ridicule you again and again and again and then Modi wins.
—Pappu.

If Pappu was a Brand Ambassador or a side actor in Bollywood, then I think I would really like him.
But a Prime Minister???!!!???

The fall of Pappu…
2009: Future PM.
2012: Will Modi checkmate him?
2013: Can he counter Kejriwal?
2014 headline…
Can he beat Kumar Vishwas in Amethi?

Charles is his inspiration.
At 65 he’s still a Prince to the Queen.
Pappu is just 44.

If Modi gives 9 great speeches then they’ll focus on the 10th lacklustre one.
If Pappu gives 9 stupid speeches then they’ll call the 10th above average one a masterpiece.

Star kids may get 15 flop Bollywood films before a hit.
Dynastic scions may get 15 flop elections before a success.

The contradiction…
The only way Pappu can re-invent the Congress is by removing the dynasty.
That is by removing himself.

I see only two categories of people cheering a Pappu speech…
1. Congressis.
2. TV reporters/anchors.

Premise…
I won’t vote for NaMo because of Namotards.
I won’t vote for AAP because of AAPtards.
Conclusion…
Vote for Pappu because there are no Papputards!

1919—Motilal Congress President, signals beginning of Nehru-Gandhi Dynasty.
Maybe Pappu is targeting 2019 to end the Dynasty.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

When Arnab interviewed Pappu…

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The Arnab-Pappu interview is the interview of the century because now the Congress may never win again in this century.

He should now be renamed “General Pappu”.
(Since he runs away from specifics and talks only of “general” things.)

I think the high point of Pappu in 2014 is being interviewed by Arnab.
That’s how low things have reached for him.

Frost/Nixon was made into critically acclaimed film.
Pappu/Arnab will be made into a comically acclaimed film.

Pappu: You can’t blame me for 1984, tab main bachcha tha.
Comment: Please don’t blame him in 2014, woh abhi bhi bachcha hai.

There’s no me, main or hum… Rahul Gandhi refers to himself in the third person.

Blah blah blah RTI empowerment… Blah blah blah RTI empowerment… blah blah blah RTI empowerment… blah blah blah RTI empowerment… blah blah blah RTI empowerment…

Arnab…
Just getting Pappu: Coup.
Asking tough questions: Another coup.
That’s coup coup!
Pappu…
Plain cuckoo!
#ArnabAurPappu

These versions by Sunil Rajguru