Category Archives: Virtual World

The mystery of the Pokebook…

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Dear Facebook,

What the hell do you mean by the feature called Poke?

When someone pokes me, what does that mean? For what joy has it been done?

You very happily inform me that “X has poked you. Poke back.”

Why?

And if I’m poking someone, where am I poking him?

In the eye? In the stomach?

With my finger? With a stick?

“Poke fun at” means to ridicule someone.

“Poke one’s nose into” means to meddle in someone’s affairs…

(That’s what most of us do on Facebook anyway, so is that the real meaning?)

I searched the web and found a quote by your creator Mark Zuckerburg: When we created the poke, we thought it would be cool to have a feature without any specific purpose.

How pokinine!

(My new word for asinine)

Ending this letter with a Superpoke,

Regards,

Sunil Rajguru

Post-death Facebook apprehensions…

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∙ I registered a million cumulative Likes on Facebook in my life and yet everybody hated me!

∙ Does heaven have Facebook?
Even one in hell will do!

∙ Have I secured my Facebook legacy?

∙ Section of a will…
My bequeath my Facebook Password to my account, which has 2235 Friends, 3456 Status messages, 2356 Likes and memberships to 456 Groups to ….. …..

∙ The last message conundrum…
If I get someone to post “I’m Dead” as my last Status Message and it gets a 100 Likes, then are people appreciating my Status or are they happy that I’m dead?

© Sunil Rajguru

The Circle of Social Networking…

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Step 1. A competitor comes out with a change.
Step 2. Facebook changes overnight.
Step 3. We resist, scramble, grumble, complain…
Step 4. We totally get used to it. Many new users join in.
Step 5. Immediately go back to Step 1.

∙ Facebook  has mastered the art of penniless acquisitions.
Instead of taking over Twitter, it cannibalized the Twitter Status Update.
Instead of fighting Google+, it simply became Facebook+.

∙ The Facebook Evolution…
From: What’s on your mind?
To: I know what’s on your mind!

∙ Another Facebook related change…
From now on, WTF! will stand for What The Facebook!

∙ Wanted, a self-help book…
Help! Who moved my Facebook?
Potential customers: 750 million and counting.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

New millennium journalistic terms…

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Wiki: Fast. Really fast. Anything that breaks into the public domain instantaneously. Its opposite is “print”.

Leak: The term that has rendered all words like “scoop”, “exclusive” and “breaking news” redundant. If it will leak, it will leak into the Internet domain first.

Mobile Hack: A hack who hacks into a mobile in an effort to get desperate news to supplement a declining print venture.

Breaking News: A non-existent term full of sound and fury signifying nothing. (But something which the old school of journalism will not let go of at any cost.)

Exclusive: Means you were alone in a one-on-one chat with a celebrity who was telling you something that he or she had Tweeted to his or her millions of followers a few hours earlier.

Social Networking: The primary source for direct quotes of famous people and celebrities.

Cut and Paste: The secondary term for secondary sources which have become a primary source of news and been passed off as a primary news gathering device.

Cut and Paste and Rewrite: A much more polished form of Cut and Paste, as above.

Lead: Something earlier happened once a day, but now happens at least once every five minutes.

A Julian Assange: Someone who’s in trouble because he has leaked the secrets of the high and mighty of the world.

A Rupert Murdoch: Someone who’s in trouble because his own sordid secrets have been leaked to the world.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Facebook Status Updates post Osama killing

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Obama has just caught and killed Osama
–>1,234,341 people Like this Status
Zardari–>Really? When? Don’t tell me!
ISI–>We also helped, but you’ll never know.
Taliban–>We know and we’ll show you, just you wait!
Chidambaram–>Ab hamari baari hai.
Zardari–>Don’t try to spoil the moment. Shoo!

General Kayani has just changed his status from “Lay off US” to “Lay off India”
Manmohan–>But what about our talks?
Sonia–>I think its time you concentrated on the domestic scene for a change
Manmohan–>Yes, Soniaji!
General Kayani–>Guys, please lay off my Wall!

Al-Zawahari has just deleted the Ultra Secret Closed Group “Osama Speaks”

Al-Zawahari has just been promoted to head of Al-Qaeda

Obama played the Mystic Tarot Game
And the Answer is: Your Rajyoga will continue till 2017
–>234 Republicans dislike this status

Abbottabad Osama Memorial Haveli Page created
–>1,234,342 have become fans

ISI has just put the Abbottabad Osama Memorial Haveli on sale
–>Last bidder bid $456 million…

A Pakistan Citizen is feeling sad that Osama is no more
–>1,234,342 people Like this Status

ISI–>CIA
Can you please please call us? Too many misunderstandings to sort out.
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Zardari clicked the “Remove Friend” button on Obama’s profile by mistake, since then, they have become Friends again

Barack Obama sent George W Bush an invitation using Catch the Terrorist virtual game:
I challenge you to a game of Catch the Terrorist. I just scored 23,400 points in the game.
Think you can beat me?
P.S. I caught Osama and you didn’t!

Dawood has just deleted his Facebook account

ISI tried to join the Group CIA, but was denied access

David Cameron became a fan of Obama

Al-Qaeda has petitioned Facebook to make an “Add Enemies” application

Obama requests all his detractors to lay off, now that he has beaten the daylights out of all Republicans in catching terrorists.
P.S. I have a Nobel Peace Prize too!

This version By Sunil Rajguru