Independence Day Battle of Speeches: Modi vs MMS

Modi doesn’t know what he’s saying before a speech.
(Because it’s extempore.)
Manmohan also doesn’t know what he’s saying before a speech.
(Because someone else has written it and he’s given it at the last moment.)

Modi has earned the right to be called Shadow Prime Minister.
Today the Prime Minister was in Modi’s Shadow.

Ask not what the country can do for you, ask not what you can do for the country, ask nothing, say nothing.
—Manmohan Singh
‪#‎TheekHai‬

Congressman: Sigh! No Independence from Modi even on Independence Day!

Q: Sir what did you think of India’s Independence Day speech.
Manmohan Singh: Theek tha, but he shouldn’t have attacked me so much!
‪#‎TheekHai‬

The problem with watching Manmohan Singh’s speech is that I funnily get the feeling that any time now he’s going to burst into tears.

This is the first time in our history that Prime Minister’s Independence Day Speech was overshadowed in hours.
People even listened to Deve Gowda’s Hindi speech with attention.

Remember the good ole school debating days.
First candidate comes, speaks diffidently, second takes his content and rips it apart.

Why is this being touted as Manmohan’s last I-Day speech?
What if he emerges as a consensus candidate in a badly hung Parliament in 2014?

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Congress hatao andolan…

60 is the retirement age.
Chalo 65 maan lete hai.
Independence ke baad Congress ke 66 years ho gaye hai.
Retire kar do!

1977: Opposition booted out the Congress.
1989: Mainstream media booted out the Congress.
2014: At least the Social Media is giving a good fight!

We (Nehru)
shall (Indira)
definitely (Rajiv)
solve (Sonia)
Kashmir (Rahul)…

We (Nehru)
shall (Indira)
definitely (Rajiv)
reduce (Sonia)
poverty (Rahul)…

We…

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

RTI according to politicians…

Right to Ignorance: We cannot know anything about them.

Right to Idiocy: They can say anything they want.

Right to I: I, me and myself, the ego.

Right to Incite (violence): All across the country.

Right to Idealism: It stops at that. No action.

Right to Ideology: Even if it’s disruptive.

Right to Idleness: In Parliament, that is.

Also means…
Right to Ignominy, Illogicality, Immorality, Irresponsibility…

© Sunil Rajguru

Pricey onions and other woes…

onions-1397037_640Pyaz rulayega, tel aag lagayega, rupaiyya gir jayegaa, food bill economy ko khaayega, koyala dhan ko kala karayega, 2G jee jee karke marega…

Ek din Rupee, petrol, onion… sab ek saath century maarenge aur India all out ho jaayega.

Maybe he should now be promoted to…
Onion Man in a Banana Republic.
‪#‎RobertVadra‬

Work from home.
‪#‎Petrol‬
Eat Jain diet.
‪#‎Onion‬
Invest in Dollars.
‪#‎Rupee‬
Stop following news.
‪#‎Scams‬

Coming soon:
Onion Shanti Onion with the dialogue…
Ek chutki pyaaz ki keemat tum kya jaano!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

UPA hurtles from one disaster to another…

10 ways to counter Pakistan…
1. Denial.
2. Bluster.
3. Confusion.
4. Summon envoy.
5. Parliament Resolution.
6. Cricket ban.
7. Petition US.
8. Talk about talks.
9. Hope.
10. Forget.

They say…
1. Anna is anarchy.
2. Social media is anarchy.
3. Rajya Sabha is anarchy.
But…
It feels like there’s no Government at the Centre.
That’s anarchy.

I shudder what will happen when Pappu reads Descartes.
The poor man will just have to say…
I think I am rich therefore I am.

This government is like a cancer to the nation without a sense of humour.
In fact, it has a sense of tumour.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

More general political musings of the day…

Pakistan Army men a.k.a. men in Pakistan Army uniforms.
a.k.a. = also known as.
(That AKA is also AK Antony is purely coincidental)

All members of the Congress are born with a clean chit in their mouth.

Every Pakistani leader dreams of a Plot that will win Kashmir.
Every Indian leader dreams of a Talk that will win the Nobel Peace Prize over Kashmir.
Result: No-one wins.

Millions of bullets.
Thousands of deaths.
Hundreds of failed talks.
Dozens of inept leaders.
Two pissed off N-powers.
1 disputed territory.
Zero solutions.

Dear Congress,
If BJP is rated 4/10 in cyberspace, then they can probably double it to 8 with sustained effort.
You are at -1 and hence eNREGA will probably double it to -2.

Congress’ most dangerous enemies…
First: Pappu’s speech writer.
Second: Diggy Raja.
Third: Modi.
No consolation prize to: BJP.

Difference between Congress and BJP…
Man writes Sonia biography thousands of kilometres away.
Congress goes ballistic and bans it.
Man insults Modi right next to Shivraj
Shivraj keeps quiet and buzzes off.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru