Category Archives: Indian Politics

Modi, tere paas kya hai?

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Indian Politician: Mere paas US ka ticket hai, elite institute ka degree hai, fancy English accent hai, exclusive club membership hai, international friend aur contact circle hai, dollars ki dher hai… tere paas kya hai?
Modi: Saala ye US Presidential polls hai ki Lok Sabha elections?

Parliament: Mere paas murder accused hai, rape accused hai, 2G scam hai, Coalgate hai, CWG hai, ungineet scams hai, disruption ka power hai, anek walkouts hai, Swiss bank accounts hai, (in fact Sachin Tendulkar bhi hai)… tere paas kya hai?
Modi: Aila! Aur aap criminal mujhe bolte hai?

Indian leader: Mere paas caste equations hai, minority votebank hai, regional satraps ka backing hai, pseudo-intellectuals ka fraud secular certificate hai… tere paas kya hai?
Modi: Aur mujhe laga ki 1947 ke baad Constitution ne sab ko equal bana diya… no discrimination on the basis of caste, religion, region…

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Can’t visit the US, can’t rest in India…

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· America is the new holy land.
If a particular person steps foot on it, it will become communal.

· Lose Lok Sabha election. Become PM.
Be murder accused. Become MP.
Get elected CM thrice. Get hounded like a common criminal.

· Everyone wants to select/veto Modi as PM.
But in the end that call will be taken by 545 old fogies, one-third of them likely to be chargesheeted, solely based on what “deal” they get.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Pappu can’t rule saala…

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· Pappu to Congressmen: Behave yourselves! We are the most arrogant party in India!
Result: ‪#‎AditiRestaurant‬

· Pappu lives in a magical world and still thinks that India is beautiful…
His theme song…
Udhar tum haseen ho, idhar dil jawaan hai…

· Nirman=Under construction.
The actual slogan is…
Ho Raha Hai Pappu Nirman!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

The Modi equations…

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Funny sounding Modi half-phrase <Greater than> Practically every other major lead story.

Allegations against Modi <Greater than> All Congress scams put together.

Anything related to 2002 Godhra <Equals to> Breaking news.

1 Ishrat encounter <Greater than> 1000 encounters of last 10 years.

I conditionally/partially support/appreciate Modi/His speeches/Gujarat development <Equals to> I am communal.

Modi is Hitler <Equals to> I am secular.

Blow to Modi <Equals to> Universal cut and paste for any story related to him.

Bonus:
Any Diggy Raja phrase <Equals to> 100% credibility.

© Sunil Rajguru

Congress: India’s ultimate oxymoron…

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Questionnaire: Fill in the blanks.

Topic: Congress.

Q1: It is secular because __________ (Maximum communal riots have taken place under its rule)

Q2: It is tough on terror because __________ (It blames the Opposition for terror instead of enemies and terror groups)

Q3: It has a great foreign policy because __________ (It doesn’t stand up to Pakistan, China or Pakistan or anyone else for that matter)

Q4: It is democratic because __________ (It is a very strong believer of dynasty and is the only party to have imposed Emergency. Plus all party presidents behave like dictators)

Q5: It strongly believes in merit because __________ (It is a very strong believer of all dynasties)

Q6: It strongly believes in India’s federal structure because __________ (Believes strongly in Article 356, uses the CBI to settle scores, Ref: Mulayam)

Q7: It strongly believes in all of India’s institutions because __________ (Its PM refused to accept an HC verdict, it diluted the office of the CEC, it rubbished the CAG…)

© Sunil Rajguru

It’s all about the Congress…

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· India’s terror equation…
Left-inspired Naxalism
+ Indira Gandhi backed Bhindranwale
+ Khurshid lawyer for SIMI
+ Laloo parades Osama look-alike for polls
= BJP supports terrorism.

· Congress: We are fixing our biggest problems!
Q: Corruption? Terrorism? Inflation? Economy?
Congress: No! No! Modi. BJP. RSS. Baaki sab bhaad main jaaye!

· Manmohan: Are these Chinese excursions serious?
Official: No sir, it’s just a case of “Aaya cheen gaya cheen”.

· Official: Chinese excursions!
MMS: Stop playing cricket with them!
Official: But we don’t play with them!
MMS: Wow! So action already taken!

· Reality…
2009: Congress probably led BJP 20-0.
Since then the BJP has done nothing and Congress has been busy scoring own-goals.
That’s why the BJP is “close” now.

· Manmohan Singh is still in mute mode.
All he has done is thrown incomprehensible numbers at us.
The words are still invisible.

· Peter Principle…
Every one rises to his level of incompetence and stays there.
‪#‎ManmohanSingh‬ ‪#‎PrimeMinister‬ ‪#‎NineYears‬

· What MMS really said on economy…
Basic fundamentals are sound (the alarm bugle!) and stable (for scams).

· Somewhere down the line Manmohan has forgotten even the spellings of both Economy and Politics.

This version by Sunil Rajguru