Ek baar jo maine news manufacture kar di, uske baad to main khud ki bhi nahin sunta.
—Dabangg Arnab.

Legend says that if you stand in central London for long enough, then sooner or later you will bump into Lalit Modi.

Lalit Modi: Sports nahin…
Arvind Kejriwal: Politics nahin…
Pappu: Leadership nahin…
…sirf entertainment hi entertainment 24X7!
‪#‎ArnabGate‬

Indian Political League.
Lalit Modi can easily form 10 teams with all the politicians he wines and dines with.

Lalit Modi just launched the International Pandemonium League.
Nobody knows what the hell is going on anymore!

DLF IPL = Murkiest league of all time.
DLF owner son-in-law, Sonia daughter and former IPL chief meet in London amidst ‪#‎ArnabGate‬.
Congress: Coincidence! Coincidence! Coincidence!

Jab tak rahega samose main aloo,
Tab tak rahega Arnab ka resignation drama chaloo.
‪#‎ArnabGate‬

Next news hour will be…
Bhagwaan ke naam pe ek resignation de de re baba!

Kejri thinking…
Maine itna accha budget banaya!
Lalit ne overshadow kiya!
Koi na koi Modi hamesha meri vaat lagata hai!

It appears that 1 million people have met Lalit Modi, 1 lakh have helped him at some time or the other and 1000 do business with him on a regular basis.

Midas was not gold but turned everyone he touched into gold.
Lalit Modi is not tainted but turns everyone he touches into tainted.

Lalit Modi names BJP leaders.
–>LaMo! LaMo! LaMo!
Lalit Modi names Congress leaders.
–>Lame! Lame! Lame!

Arnab thinking….
2009: Stable Govt.
2010: I break CWG scam.
2014: I topple government.
Yippeee!!! Let me do it again!

Lalit Modi quotes on the Vadras…
Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, they walk into mine.

Tomorrow…
NaMo ka driver ka bhai ka bhateeje ka maalik Lalit Modi se mila!
The Nation wants to know why! I demand NaMo’s immediate resignation!

Indian politics went batshit crazy in 2011.
4 years on, it’s still getting madder.

Narendra who?
Lalit is currently the most famous Modi around!

And then he told all the politicians…
May he who has never met Lalit Modi cast the first stone!
And they all stood in silence with their heads hung in shame.

Congress-Media: Sushma Swaraj is tainted!
(LalitGate begins)
Lalit Modi met Vasundhara Raje.
Congress-Media: Vasundhara Raje is tainted!
Lalit Modi met Robert Vadra.
Congress-Media: Lalit Modi is clean!
(LalitGate ends)

It’s just a matter of time before Lalit Modi releases a 1990s photo of him posing with Mother Teresa.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Lalit Modi is a one-man-team Kabaddi player who has touched everyone from every team.

Hamaam main sab nanga,
Lalit Modi ne liya sab se panga.

Priyanka Vadra met Lalit Modi. She should resign!
Resign from what? She’s done nothing in her life!
Then why does she have a government house and SPG cover?

The tables have turned.
2014…
We will throw all Congress leaders in jail!—BJP.
2015…
We will get all BJP leaders to resign!—Congress.

99% of Indian politicians would find themselves in jail if “Conflict of Interest” was a serious crime in the Indian Constitution.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Sonia nahi ye aandhi hai, doosri Indira Gandhi hai.
Kejri nahi ye anarchist hai, doosra Laloo Yadav hai.
Rahul nahi ye Pappu hai, doosra Junior Mehmood hai.

Yesterday Pappu learnt E for Elephant in his nursery class.
That’s why all the political elephant quotes are out.

All of Pappu’s speech writers are double agents actually working for the BJP.

Q: Who are the most famous, powerful and influential Non Resident Indians ever?
A: Sonia, Pappu and Priyanka.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Rajiv—I will take India to the Computer Age.
Rao—I will take India to the Space Age.
Kejri—I will take New Delhi to the GarbAge.

Jaise monsoon Mumbai ko bandh karega,
Waise Kejri Delhi ko har mausam main bandh karega.

One promise will be kept…
AAP leaders: We will lead a simple disciplined life without privileges.
(That’s the kind of life you simply have to lead in jail!)

Jitender Tomar had 3 fake degrees.
1. BSc.
2. LLB.
3. Kejri’s honesty certificate from AAP Internal Academy.

Pappu won it for Modi in 2014.
Kejri will win it for Modi in 2019.

(New Delhi elections) haar ke bhi jeetnewaale ko Baazigar kahate hai.

2014: Pappu-Kejri fighting over PM’s chair.
2015: Pappu-Kejri fighting over Delhi kachra responsibility.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Evolution of Priyanka Vadra…
2013: Zzzzzz…
2014: Who is Smriti Irani?
2015: Why hasn’t she built an IIT in Amethi?

This is to certify that Nehru and his descendants will be PM/PM-in-waiting for life.
Signed by Independent India, August 15, 1947.

Farmers—Check.
Internet users—Check.
Urban flat buyers—Check.
Mummy, saare ho gaye. Ab main fir sabbatical lu?
‪#‎RahulWalks‬ ‪#‎RahulTatkalPolitics‬

With the way revelations are coming out, movie on Manmohan Singh’s life will be called Delhi ka Thug.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru