· BCCI: We have a winning strategy for the 2015 ODI World Cup.
Reporter: Really! What?
BCCI: Well Dhoni’s the captain… and… err… it really doesn’t matter who the other 14 squad members are!
· While watching Two and a Half Men I always feel that Charlie Sheen is just on vacation and he’s going to come back any time soon and kick Ashton Kutcher out of the house.
(June 29)
· TV serial Suits is so squeaky clean: Like all the characters, scenes and even dialogues have been scrubbed thoroughly with hot soapy water.
· With citizen privacy issues we go ballistic.
With celebrity privacy issues we go voyeuristic.
Either way privacy is great publicity.
(June 28)
· Moustache (Ranveer), Moustacher (Shikhar) and Moustachest (Sir Jadeja).
· India’s 2012-13 world tour with Sri Lanka…
We’ve played with them in Australia, Bangladesh, Sri Lanka and England.
Now we’re off to play with them in the West Indies!
(June 27)
· Cockfight: In some parts of the world organizers get two cocks which fight till they sometimes bleed.
Panelfight: In India, a TV news anchor does a similar thing and gets one from the Congress and one from the BJP.
(June 26)
· If they had a VDIS for donations during national calamities, we would get an excess of funds. The amount of readily available black money just lying around is not funny.
· I miss the offline world.
There we’d have heated arguments and forget about it in minutes.
In cyberspace every word hangs in space till infinity.
· Very difficult not to get into a “Tu tu main main” situation on Twitter/Facebook with zillions of conflicting opinions clashing with each other all the time.
· Don’t worry if you die a failure.
You’re simply a great idea whose time hasn’t come.
On to the next life/afterlife/existence…
(June 23)
· Sampoorna Bharat: Beech main middlemen, side main fringe groups, upar main politicians aur neeche dare hue maare hue battered aam janta.
· 1947-48, 62, 65, 71, 84, 99…
Kashmir-NE-Punjab-Lanka…
Floods, earthquakes, natural tragedies…
Is there ever a true “peacetime” for our armed forces?
· In Bollywood, South Indians will get the Hindi ling wrong 100% times.
Getting it 100% wrong is as difficult as getting it 100% right.
(June 22)
· Mamata means soft.
They probably thought she’d have a soft personality.
Instead she’s gone totally soft in the head.
· West Bengal politics: Curiouser and curiouser.
Mamata: Absurder and absurder.
(June 21)
· I think the Law of Averages finally caught up with Bihar.
It couldn’t have been doing so well for so long.
· If April 1 is “All Fools’” Day, then should June 19 be declared “One Fool’s” Day?
· At this rate we’ll have a 100 movies in the Bollywood 100 crore club soon.
· Superman left Krypton in 1938, 1948, 1952, 1978, 1996… yawn! …and now 2013…
Why do they have to keep reinventing superman?
Why can’t they just give us an exciting movie for a change assuming we are not blithering morons and actually know who superman is?
· Let’s get married!
Should we do it in the court or in a religious place or should we simply do it in the bed?
(June 19)
· Without female models, the ad industry and the music video industry would collapse.
(June 18)
· Most politicians are corrupt, dynastical and arrogant by nature.
Most business houses are corrupt, dynastical and arrogant by nature.
Given the chance, most Indians would be corrupt, dynastical and arrogant by nature.
Phir Congress to raj karega hi na India par!
(June 18 )
· I’m sure even one day before the General Elections, the Congress will do a reshuffle. That will also be attributed to the “genius” of Rahul.
(June 17)
· The English weather!
Only two Englishmen could have ever thought of it!
(Duckworth-Lewis method)
· Why not call them… NaMo RaGa SoGa MaSi NiKu MuYa KuMa RaSi PaCh KaSi NaPa ShPa ArJa SuSw…
· A day will come when the umpteenth Congress reshuffle will bring us back to the very same team we had five years ago.
(June 16)
· Nowadays political decisions are taken instantaneously.
However, the announcement is made 10 days later to get maximum media coverage, high-pitched debates and intense speculation during that period.
· Come to think of it, even criminals and chargesheeted politicians at least won their Lok Sabha seats.
Manmohan Singh couldn’t even do that much.
(June 15)
· SRK…
Delhi da Munda bana Mumbai cha Superstar.
Chennai Express…
Kolkata Knight Rider bana Chennai Super King.
(June 14)
· Cyberspace…
US spies on them.
India arrests them.
China makes them disappear.
North Korea is the safest.
Hardly anyone uses the Net there.
· Why not have a detailed reality show on the Indian Postal Service delivering its last actual telegram from the sender to the receiver.
Wonder what it’ll say.
· People are comparing PRISM to 1984.
Amazing.
In PRISM, your emails are intercepted and read.
In 1984, you are intercepted and read.
(June 13)
· The IPL clean-up begins.
Step 1: Shoot the messenger…sorry…
Shoot the cheerleader!
· Tuesday’s dilemma…
Moochche Dhawan jaise ho ya Sir Jadeja jaise ho?
Ye kaisi paheli hai?
(June 12)
· Grey’s Anatomy is good competition for Sex in the City.
In fact it should be renamed Sex in the Hospital.
(June 10)
∙ Yeh Jawaani Hai Deewani = Wake Up Sid on steroids.
(June 9)
· 1 Sir (Ravindra Jadeja) in 1 day…
At least 1 six, 1 four, 1 wicket, 1 catch, 1 run out…
· The Conflict of Interest argument…
If I am equally Interested in cricket, business and politics, then where is the Conflict?
· Politicians can be criminals.
Politicians can be businessmen.
Politicians can have stakes in media houses.
Politicians can be cricket chiefs…
Jab leaders ka ye haal hai to cricket ghanta conflict of interest maanega.
(June 6)
· Take tonnes of green ink and blend it in millions of newsprint pages.
Celebrate this colossal wastage as World Environment Day.
(June 5)
© Sunil Rajguru