The only freedom under threat on Twitter is the ‪#‎FreedomToBeStupid‬.

A party with 63 MLAs and 21 MPs asks the “aukaat” of a party with 1000+ MLAs and 329 MPs.

(October 31)

Before elections: We will use Delhi money wisely.
After elections: Spike in ad budget, MLAs get four-fold hike and sanitation workers get babaji ka thullu.

Today in TOI, the Front Page has been pushed to Page 9.
One day it will become the Back Page.

(October 30)

1947—Didn’t get Kashmir.
1965—Didn’t get Kashmir again.
1971—Lost East Pakistan.
1984—Didn’t get Siachen.
1999—Didn’t get Kargil.
201?—Lost Balochistan.

A nuke ended World War 2.
A nuke may begin World War 3.
‪#‎PakTerror‬ ‪#‎NKorea‬ ‪#‎Iran‬ ‪#‎IS‬

Can’t play Tests?
ODIs/T20s hai na!
Can’t play ODIs/T20s?
IPL hai na!
Can’t play IPL?
Don’t worry, Sachin-Warne planning a retiree’s league.(October 29)

Anna Hazare was a great guy.
But at the end of the day his biggest and worst legacy will be Kejri Baba and AAP.

Bihar…
Congress goes wrong.
Laloo goes wrong.
Nitish goes wrong.
Mahagatbandhan—Three wrongs make one right!

(October 29)

General VK Singh’s Top 4 achievements according to his work…
1. Became Indian Army chief (First commando general).
2. Won Lok Sabha elections and became Central minister.
3. Sterling performance in Yemen evacuations.
4. Role in Chhota Rajan arrest.
According to media…
1. Went to court over date of birth (thereby challenging Sonia).
2. Allegedly may have tried a totally non-existent coup.
3. Popularised the dastardly term ‪#‎Presstitutes‬ in India.‬‬
4. His sound bites (unrelated to work) lead to a million news stories.

(October 27)

Aspirations increase…
Roti, kapada, makaan, bandwidth, kamai, padai aur dawai.

(October 25)

PM sir, hamaare MLAs ko please crime karne deejiye.
Delhi Police please ek saal ke liye deejiye taaki woh bach sake, aur crime kare. Please!

(October 17)

Sudheendra Kulkarni singing…
Hum kaale hue to kya hua hum peacewaale hai…

(October 13)

Jab tak main double century maarta nahin, in logon ka kucch nahin ho sakta hai.
‪#‎RohitSharma‬ ‪#‎IndVsSA‬ ‪#‎KanpurODI‬

On such days RT stands for Rohit’s Talent and not ReTweet.
‪#‎IndVsSA‬

Rohit ka talent dabana mushkil hi nahin, namumkin hai.
(Other days: Rohit ka apna wicket na phekna mushkil hi nahin, namumkin hai.)
‪#‎IndVsSA‬

(October 11)

Akhilesh, Mamata and Kejri are fighting for the title of “Worst Chief Minister”.
Who will win?
‪#‎AdarshLiberal‬: Modi.

Pepsi…
1996 World Cup: (We wanted in so) Nothing official about it.
IPL 2015: Officially it is nothing (so we want out).

Why don’t we have a political reality show?
TV channels—But it is already running.
Which show?
Channels—Paanch saal Kejriwal!

(October 10)

Kejri has bashed Modi/Jung, visited Dadri, made umpteen ads, invited Ghulam, backed Laloo, hiked salaries… anything but “develop Delhi”.

Nehru won thrice (1952, 57, 62).
Indira won thrice (1967, 71, 80).
Rajiv/Sonia won thrice (1984, 2004, 14).
So Pappu will also win thrice.
He’ll probably rule from 2024-39.

(October 9)

Man swims exactly half-way across Palk Strait and says, “I’m too tired to proceed, so let me swim back.”
I guess the Aadhar situation was similar.

(October 8)

With the way NDA is capturing one State after another in India will soon become iNDiA.

Rajiv Gandhi.
Deve Gowda.
Modi.
There is only one eternal truth for the Garden City.
Prime Minister + Bangalore = Massive traffic jams.

If the Mahagatbandhan loses in the Bihar Assembly elections, they will change their name to Chhotagatbandhan.

Elections aa rahe hai?
To fir bolo Modi.
Sirf naam hi kaafi hai.
‪#‎BiharPolls‬

(October 6)

Looks like Rohit will have to hit a 200 in T20s too for us to win.
‪#‎IndVsSA‬

At the age of 44, Pappu was presented with 44 MPs in the Lok Sabha.
In 5 years, at the age of 49, Pappu may be left with a total of 49 MLAs all across India.

SM = Social Media.
MSM = Mostly Stale Media.

Rohit “Talent” Sharma…
Today: 100 in T20.
Yesterday: 200 in ODI.
Tomorrow: 400 in Tests.
‪#‎IndVsSA‬

Nehru turned the Congress into a personality cult.
Indira gave it a dictatorial streak.
Sonia turned it into a personal fiefdom.

(October 3)

Aye mere watan ke logon, zara yaad karo kurbani… of Lal Bahadur Shastri too as it his Jayanti and not just of Mahatma Gandhi!

(October 2)

BJP lost 5 Delhi Assembly polls in a row.
Congress may lose next 5.
Hardik Patel should relocate to Delhi for his party.
Kejri Vs Hardik will be tough fight.

(October 1)

These versions by Sunil Rajguru