LK Advani, Pappu and Yogendra Yadav can get together and form a new political party.

News…
45 journalists, some Congress and few BJP leaders under cloud.
Headline…
French cruise for BJP leader Nitin Gadkari!
‪#‎EssarLeaks‬

The party dilemma…
Sonia: I’m tired of this nonsense. I want to quit and hand over charge to Pappu.
Congressmen: But he’s nonsense. We’re tired of his nonsense.

AB de Villiers: I have the fastest 150!
Chris Gayle: I have the fastest 200!
Rohit Sharma: Bitch please! I have the fastest 250!

(February 28)

Yesterday…
Revoke the Test status of Bangladesh and Zimbabwe.
Today…
Revoke the ODI status of England and Pakistan.

Congress spokespersons routine…
Sleep all day.
TV media calls, get up and rant happily against BJP/AAP/JDU/Whatever.
Go back to sleep.

(February 21)

With each passing day Manmohan looks even more woeful.
At this rate history will judge him even worse than Gujral, Gowda and Charan Singh.

Tum patthar phekte raho,
main unka mahal banata rahunga.
‪#‎NaMo‬
‪#‎Rs10LakhSuitFalsehood‬ to ‪#‎Rs3CroreSuitReality‬

Kejriwal: Forgive me for resigning as CM!
Gets 67 seats!
Nitish: Forgive me for resigning as CM!
May also get 67 seats in the upcoming Bihar elections.

(February 20)

Coast Guard guy…
What I meant to say was…
Kaddu chaaku pe gire ya chaaku kaddu pe… katega to kaddu hi na?
‪#‎PakTerrorBoat‬

Media: Dus ko main dus lakh karke dikha du!
Modi: Aur maine us dus lakh ka ek crore kar diya!
‪#‎ModiSuitAuction‬

It’s like asking…
Did the suicide bomber pull the trigger first or was he shot first?
‪#‎PakTerrorBoat‬

(February 18)

“I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.”
—Evelyn Beatrice Hall (not Voltaire).
Required in India today…
“I disapprove of what you say and I will never defend (forget to death) your right to say it, but I will at least not get violent over it!”

(February 11)

The Grammys are even more diluted than the Padma Shri.
About 100 Grammy statuettes are doled out each year for a grand total of 8000+ so far.

(February 9)

Progress…
2004: Baazee.com CEO arrested over lewd CDs being sold via site.
2015: Newsvendors selling newspaper with Charlie Hebdo cartoons arrested.

Offendia: An India where everyone keeps getting Offended over everything for no rhyme or reason.

The American Conundrum…
Defeat Hitler.
Communist Russia takes its place.
Defeat Communism.
Al-Qaeda takes its place.
Defeat Al-Qaeda.
ISIS takes its place.
Defeat ISIS…

Pakistan made Kashmir a terrorist State.
Then said: If we can’t get it, we will turn Pakistan into Kashmir.
So they made Pakistan a terrorist State.
Kashmir meanwhile limps back to normalcy.

(February 5)

What was ‪#‎AIBRoast‬?
About a dozen guys insulted each other really badly 90% of the time.
So what’s the problem?
They insulted someone/something else in the remaining 10%.

(February 4)

Q: What are your views about Jayanthi Natarajan’s outburst?
Pappu: That is an example of women empowerment!
‪#‎LetterBomb‬

(February 2)

Last time a court case went against a Nehru-Gandhi dynasty member, we had Emergency.
Next time Emergency will have to be imposed within the Congress party.
‪#‎NationalHeraldCase‬

Budget for Khan films…
Happy New Year (SRK): Rs 125 crores.
Dhoom 3 (Aamir): Rs 125 crores.
Kick (Salman): Rs 100 crores.
Add money for marketing and promotion and theoretically a Rs 100 Crore Club film can still be a loss.

(February 1)

These versions by Sunil Rajguru