Facebook versus the offline world…

Offline: I wish for just one true friend!
Facebook: I wish for just 1000 Friends!

Offline: I wish someone would like me for once.
Facebook: I wish I could collect at least 10 likes per day.

Offline: Wow! Half-a-dozen people wished me on my birthday today!
Facebook: What? Only 30 Friends posted on my wall?

Offline: You scratch my back and I scratch yours.
Facebook: You Like my status and I Like yours!

Offline: I’m sad means I’m sad.
Facebook: I’m sad leads to 12 likes, 26 comments and loads of ego massaging.

Offline: I had butter toast for breakfast. (Ain’t I the only person who’s supposed to know that?)
Facebook: I had butter toast for breakfast. (There you go 1256 friends and maybe tens of thousands more if my privacy settings are lax!)

Offline: What’s on my mind? Hell even I don’t know!
Facebook: What’s on my mind? Here take a few 100 status messages!

Offline: It’s better to keep quiet than to open’s one mouth and look like a fool.
Facebook: Keep quiet? Then why the hell am I on Facebook in the first place? I’d rather look like a fool many times over.

Offline: Insomnia means hours of staring at the ceiling.
Facebook: Insomnia means hours of staring at the Wall.

Offline: Stalkers are rare and scary.
Facebook: We are all stalkers!

Offline: Plagiarism is bad.
Facebook: Plagiarism is par for the course!

Offline: Sorry I don’t have any time to fill out that questionnaire form.
Facebook: But I have time to fill hundreds of forms related to all those mundane quizzes.

Offline: My boasting puts people off.
Facebook: What fun virtual boasting is!

Offline: I love my parents!
Facebook: My parents better not exist on this social networking site!

Offline: I hate clicking photographs.
Facebook: I don’t think I’m putting up enough photographs.

Offline: I don’t have green fingers, my solitary potted plant died.
Facebook: Thanks to Farmville, I’m a green finger tycoon!

Offline: I always put my best foot forward.
Facebook: I always put my best mugshot forward.

Offline: I’m so full of hate.
Facebook: There is not Hate, but only Like.

Offline: Boori nazar wale tera muh kaala!
Facebook: Jitna jyaada nazar is taraf aaye, utna accha!

Offline: I couldn’t give a damn about anything in life!
Facebook: The number of causes I support is simply not funny!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

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