2014. Congress. Out!

2015. Labour. Out!

2016. Democrats. Out!


Prediction: In 2009 when the Congress won, they told us that by 2014 the party would get 272 Lok Sabha seats and the BJP would be finished.

Reality: The BJP got 282 and the Congress got decimated and faces terminal decline.

Prediction: In 2015 they said Labour would make a comeback and the Tories would really struggle.

Reality: The Labour got wiped out, the Miliband brothers went into oblivion and Corbyn is slowly banging nails into the party coffin.

Prediction: In 2016 they said Hillary would win, Trump would be disgraced and the Republicans would fight themselves to decline especially in the face of the declining white population.

Reality: The Republicans will soon control the White House, Senate, House of Representatives and have the most Governors too, not to mention a conservative Supreme Court.

The Democrats on the other hand just had a Civil War between Hillary and Sanders’ supporters and are currently running around like headless chickens.

The axis has turned. The world has turned Right.

© Sunil Rajguru

And the repartee was…

Obama to Asia: US is here to stay, there’s nothing you can do about it!
Asia to Obama: Damn! We thought that continental drift was still taking place and the US was drifting apart from us!

Kambli to India: The 1996 India-Sri Lanka semi-final World Cup match was fixed!
India to Kambli: Hoto pe aisi baat tu daba ke chala aaya pandrah saal ke liye!

Mallya to Investors: Less lucrative routes! Aviation fuel hikes! Economy!
Investors to Mallya: IPL! F1!


These versions by Sunil Rajguru

More said and unsaid…

Prime Minister Manmohan Singh: No irritants in ties with US.
Unsaid: Pakistan, China, 2G, CWG… nothing irritates me anymore. I have attained Nirvana!

Pakistan: We are still considering the MFN status with India.
Unsaid: We’ve already given them MFN status with regard to export of terrorism, haven’t we?

Indian Media: Justice Markandey Katju is wrong, erroneous and talking absolute crap!
Unsaid: We know that he is right, but if we accept it then how will we be able to function? Which world are you living in man?

BJP: We strongly oppose Mayawati’s move to split Uttar Pradesh into four states.
Unsaid: It’s a brilliant populist move and we wish we could have done it when we were in power!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Everybody loves Dr Strangelove…

Pakistan to US: We have nukes, don’t mess with us.

India to Pakistan: We also have nukes, but we allow you to mess with us, don’t we?

China to world: Nukes gaye tel lene, we’ll mess with who we please.

Russia: We have thousands of nukes and nobody even notices us anymore.

Britain & France: What about us, we’re invisible nuclear powers too!

Israel, North Korea, Iran…: Me too! Me too!

US: Bachha log jhagadna band karo. We rule the world without using a single nuke.

(Hiroshima and Nagasaki happened in the last century).

Japan: Besharmo, ek nuke ka kya asar hota hai, koi hamse poochho!

Terrorists: Bhagwan ke naam pe ek nuke dede re baba.

Moral of the story: Everbody loves Dr Strangelove and they have learnt to stop worrying and love the bomb.

This version by Sunil Rajguru

The truth about the ISI…

If the ISI is declared a terrorist organization by the US…

ISI: But I report directly to the Pakistan Army Chief!

Pakistan Army Chief: But I report directly to the Pakistan President!

Pakistan President: But I report directly to the US President!

US President: Hey! But I report directly to… no-one!

Terrorism always comes to a full circle as the buck always stops at the desk of the US President…

© Sunil Rajguru