Random Thoughts 8

· At times…
…there is so much talk of Connectivity, that I feel Disconnected.
…there is so much talk of the Online World, that I feel totally Put Off.
…there is so much talk of the Unlimited potential of Cyberspace, that I feel Cramped.

· If the Earth stopped rotating and moving around the Sun and the Moon drifted off, then would the Days, Months and Years cease to exist? Would we become immortal in some quaint way?

· Isn’t there any software that makes Human Beings Interoperable?

· In 2570 BC, the Great Pyramid of Giza became the tallest man-made structure at 146 metres. Recently, Burj Khalifa claimed that record at 828m. Forget 828m, Bangalore (the place where I live) is yet to break the record set about 4500 years ago.

· You should use the Mobile phone when you are mobile. When you become stationary for long period of time: Switch the mobile off.

© Sunil Rajguru

Short Takes December 2009

· Today’s Wisdom: Stress pushes up cholestrol levels. Eating what you want makes you happy, hence stress-free. Eating what you don’t like stresses you, pushing up cholestrol. You do the Maths!

(December 29)

· When will the “Obama Hype Era” end?

· Thank God Headley is not being extradited to India. otherwise we would have had a Kasab Part 2

· The Kotla Pitch is actually the graveyard of the Future of Sporting ODI pitches in India. Now everyone will say: Make it Flat & Dead, let all the teams make 300-400. I’m Happy: You’re Happy.

(December 28)

· Tiger Woods has 14 major Pro titles in 10 odd years. And it was revealed that he had 14 girlfriends in 2009. Now that’s really balancing your personal-professional life perfectly!

· India finally has an answer to Tiger Woods: Tiger Tiwari!

· T… T… T… Telangana… T… T… T…Tiwari… T… T… T…Tera kya hoga re Andhra Pradesh?

(December 26)

· Dan Brown’s Lost Symbol should be called The Lost Plot (or The Lost Climax) (But I’m still a fan)

· Split Andhra… Split Jharkhand verdict… Split Home Ministry… This country has a splitting headache.

· A girl is molested. Her family is harassed. She commits suicide. More harassment. A 19-year wait. 6 months imprisonment. A 1000-Rupee fine. Justice Denied, Delayed, Mocked and Nullified?

· Overheard: Indian Fielder to Lankan Fielder: Tera haath mera haath se slippery kaisa? Raaz kya hain?

· Indo-Lanka Series Review: Matches 1&2: Batsman Star Wars. Match 3: The Bowling Empire Strikes Back. Match 4: Return of the Batting Jedis…

(December 25)

· Ah! I love the Cold Night Dew when India is chasing in a cricket match!

· A lesson on how to chase 300+ in singles.

· Mahi ke bina Way, Yuvi ke bina Raj! India all the way..

· Captain Dhoni and Matchwinner Yuvraj both missing. Cool! We’ll just do a Eden Garden Record Chase of 300+, Thank You!

· Will there be Tele-presence in Hyderabad, or will it go Independent?

· Dan Brown should write only the first 95% of each of his novels. The Final 5% he should leave to another writer, a good finisher. The results would be awesome.

(December 24)

· Andhra main sirf Telangana raaj karega… baaki sab issues gaye Tel lene…

· They recently discovered a planet with water. Cool! So if we ever run out of water, we have to travel just 40 light years to get some more…

(December 23)

· We are all waiting for the the Modern World’s First Big Environmental Global Disaster. Action will be taken after that. Till then enjoy life, bicker and rejoice compromises…

· Sometimes I think Kasab doesn’t exist & he’s a fictional character like Santa Claus

(December 22)

· Breaking News: The Copenhagen Summit just increased the temperature of the Earth by 0.00000000001 degrees!

· The Climate Meeting was a great success! We have agreed on the Agenda of the next Climate Meeting!

· Copenhagen. The Day After. Business as usual.

· If you really want to check climate change, then you don’t need a fancy summit at a fancy venue to do so.

· We will climb all the No. 1 pinnacles in cricket except the No. 1 in Fielding…

(December 19)

· Ek din ki chandini, phir andheri din/raat match hain…

· Change, like Charity, begins at home. But Climate Change, it seems, has to begin in the other person’s home.

· Golfer: OK, I’ll g… g… g… g…give up g… g… g… g…golf. Wife: The G word is Girlfriend you idiot, not Golf! Bye!

· Just like a Random Number Generator, the Twitter Home Page is a Random Message Generator

· Change Of Political Environment Not Happening Again, Greenbacks Ensure Nothing

(December 18)

· Kyoto. Bonn. Milan… Copenhagen… Venues anek. Nateeja ek?

· In the future, Tiger Woods will be respected and admired as the man who gave up both Golf and Girlfriends for his wife.

Googly Wave. Mere liye to woh ek Googly hi hain.

(December 15)

· For Google it was Brave, for most of us it was as dead as a Grave, anyone still want Wave?

· Looks like the slowdown has ended in India. OK! Now you can start wasting money, buying things you don’t really need and putting your money in highly risky money-making schemes.

· Dharti Maa hamse bahut naraaz aur ghusse se garam hain, isiliye Global Warming ho raha hain, sirf pradushan ke waje se nahin

· Pak’s employer is the US Govt. Their PR agency is the Taliban. Their policies are more about foreigners than citizens. Pak desperately needs a Second Independence.

· Post-Telangana, the concept of Mil baat ke khaayenge has been taken to a totally new level.

(December 14)

· So Tiger Woods is not in competition with Jack Nicklaus, Arnold Palmer etc, but with Bill Clinton, Hugh Hefner and Casanova.

· Facebookers of the world unite! You have nothing to lose but your brains!

· With the retirement of Bajaj Scooters, a Bit of the Old India just died.

· Raja says 3G in India is on schedule. He is right actually. He had probably scheduled it for 2015 in the first place.

· Green Summits aate hain, Green Summits jaate hain, par CO2 emissions wahi pe raha jaate hain…

· Indian Fielders were playing for Lankan Batsman. Lankan Fielders were playing for Indian Batsman. That’s one battle that the Lankan Fielders won.

· That’s why it’s called a Great Match. Our pathetic fielding was Matched by Lanka. India 211/11 beat Lanka 206/13

· Al-Qaeda can’t be defeated till Osama killed: US. That means if he’s already dead, then the US have already beaten Al-Qaeda, only they don’t know it.

(December 13)

· RGV is coming out with Rann 2 featuring the Telangana crisis. The theme song will be: Telan-Gana-Mana adhinayak jaya hain…

· Meri saas aspatal main. Biwi ghar chod ke chali gayi. Teesri, chauthi, paanchvi… (bolte rahahiye) aurat ka pol khul gaya. Ye sab shaurat, naam mitti main mil gaya… Main ek vishaal golfer bol raha hu, koi Ekta Kapoor character nahin!

· Angrez jaake 62 saal ho gaye, par “Divide and Rule” ka keeda ab tak Bharatvarsha ke system main buland hain…

(December 12)

· Very soon Farmville may demand statehood from Facebook (Which is already the 3rd biggest country in the world)

· From “Akhand Bharat” to Khandistan…

· KCR is the New Mahatma. Hyderabad is the New Chandigarh. Manmohan is the New Nehru.

· Change is inevitable. So is Climate Change. Change is resisted. So is Climate Change. Ultimately Change is accepted and adapted to. So will Climate Change be. Copenhagen will not even be able to reduce even the gas in the speeches of world leaders.

(December 11)

· Andhra Pradesh just went on a diet and shed a few districts. This fad may Fast catch on in other States.

(December 10)

· Sachin will retire from ODIs when he has 50 100s and a 100 50s.

· Carbon emissions 5% jyaada ho rahe hain, 5% kam karo… is-se vishaal duniya ko sacchi main kuch farak padega kya? Is Mother earth impressed?

· Woh Sikander hi dosto… kahalata hain… jyaada ICC anko ko jeetna… jise aata hain…

· Zimbly weight for thee Dubai griziz to enfold, eet eez note aze baed aze u theengk.

(December 7)

· South Africa were Test No. 1 for a record Less Time. Now that’s one record we don’t want to break!

· Don’t know if Copenhagen will reduce the Global Climate, but it has sure heated the Global Political Climate, especially in India.

· Dhoni ka hat-trick! At some point in his tenure, India has been No. 1 in T20s, ODIs and Tests!

(December 6)

· Great! After some decades, maybe a few hundred billion dollars and the loss of thousands of lives, the US is finally acting tough with Pak. (But is it really?)

· The Sehwag Saga… 309: The Fast & the Furious. 319: 2Fast2Furious. If not today, I’m sure that 3F3F will come one day…

· If the US wasn’t a friend of Pak, I think today Pak would have been much more balanced and developed…

(December 4)

·Bush let Osama get away because if he had caught him, then he would have had nothing left to do after that..

· Somewhere along the way, Sehwag lost his Test & ODI technique… so he simply decided to use his T20 technique in all forms of the game.

(December 3)

· 1 2 ka 4, 4 2 ka 1, yahi hain India ki ICC ranking ki kahani…

(December 2)

· “Change” has come in Indo-US ties. From “I Love Bush” it’s “I’ll do whatever Obama says”

(December 1)

© Sunil Rajguru

Random Thoughts 3

· All the roads, walls and grounds in India are public toilets. Our Nation should be renamed UriNation.

· Credit Cards should actually be called Debt Cards. Debt Cards and Debit Cards go well together.

· If horns and honking was banned on Indian roads, then most motorists would die of boredom and silence.

· Why call them Moral Police? Immoral Goondas would be better.

· Population Explosion? I think it has already happened in India and we are living in the Post-Blast Holocaust.

· It’s not death I’m scared of… it’s rebirth…

· Inventions keep continuously coming and make things easier and easier for us… then why is life getting tougher and tougher?

· The more you progress, the more time you spend working hard at doing nothing.

· Is Wikipedia turning into a Weakipedia?

© Sunil Rajguru

Short Takes November 2009

· India and US are natural allies. But then the US always has unnatural choices.

· Is it me or is India suddenly getting very weak-kneed vis a vis US, China and Climate Change. Congress: Strong nationally, Weak internationally?

· Karl Marx died in 1883. China liberalized in 1978. The Berlin Wall fell in 1989. Russia launched shock therapy economic reforms in 1991. So what’s with West Bengal? Till when will their Laissez-faire last?

· In the last 5 years, there have been more Elvis Sightings than Osama Sightings.

(November 30)

· With the Smita episode, we finally have a Sasur-Bahu Saga.

(November 29)

· The Gulf’s Ivory Towers are sinking in Economic Quicksand. When Recession seems to be receding in one country, it goes on the ascendant in another one.

· Zardari wanted to be like Obama. But the way his poweres are diminishing, he’ll end up like Pratibha Patil.

· Sangh Parivar bikhra. Sena Parivar Bikhra. Kayam hain Gandhi Dynasty. Unka catchline: Majboot Pariwar, Nirnayak Sarkar.

(November 28)

· 26/11. A year on. We’re just as vulnerable. No new comprehensive strategy. Kasab still undergoing trial. The state and central Govts still the same! India never learns from its mistakes, where history repeats itself as a farce over and over again.

· Indo-Amrika Bhai-Bhai, beech main hain bas Pak ki Khai…

(November 25)

· I don’t understand China’s assertiveness: Manmohan. Nehru said the same thing and look what happened!

· 1992 was the Year that Babri Masjid was demolished. 2009 was the Year that the BJP was demolished.

· African Americans constitute 13.4% of the US population. Sikhs constitute 1.9% of the Indian population. It’s a great moment when two great leaders of the world’s two biggest democracies shake hands…

(November 24)

· I don’t think we would get the Nobel Prize for Filth. Somebody would beat us there too…

· Why is the ICC suppressing national teams playing T20s? Very few matches apart from the WC. On the other hand non-national team leagues are being done to death. But then again, contradictions define the ICC: International Committee of Contradictions.

· Reddy’s Philosophy: Everything is Mine. Yeddy’s Counter Philosophy: We are a team, there is no place for “Mine”.

(November 22)

· A report says that India’s population will be close to 2 billion by 2050. Where will the extra people live? Or will we be forced to have a billion NRIs at that point of time?

(November 21)

· Kabhi 32/4, Kabhi 412/4* (Sirf chaar din ka farak): Nobody Swings like the Indian Cricket Team, not even an old cricket ball…

(November 20)

· Bow to Japan, kowtow to China, dollar chow to Pakistan, no nuclear know-how for Iran and consistent dipolmatic pow-wow with India: The sum of Obama’s Foreign Policy.

· Maharashtra grew up in the nineties and was at its pinnacle. Now it is going through a mid-life-crisis. Hope it gets out of it and becomes wise and mature soon.

· First the Ore Commitee Threat and now the Core Committee Threat, Yeddy is still not out of the woods.

· Gold touches 17K (May go down). Sensex touches 17K (Has to go down). Sachin touches 17K (Atleast you know he’ll most probably touch 20K and stay there!)

(November 19)

· The weekend always seems so far off. And when it finally comes, it’s gone in a flash!

· Suna hain Teacher Amrika ne Bharat aur Pak ke jhagde ke liye Class Monitor Cheen ko niyukta kiya hain. Bharat Beta thoda mayoos hain kyuni use laga tha ki 2009 main kuch accha “Badlav” aane wala tha…

(November 18)

· Maharashtra has only one true Tiger. And he plays cricket. All the rest are pale imitations.

· A generation of cricketers learnt cricket watching Sachin on TV. Then that generation got a chance to play with Sachin in the team. Then that generation retired. And Sachin’s still playing…

(November 17)

· Coalition Delay Drama. Raj-Azmi. More MLA hungama. Kurban Protests… Is anyone even “thinking” about any of the real problems Maharashtra is facing right now?

· More Sachin landmarks: 30000 international runs. 500 ODIs. 50 ODI centuries. 100 ODI fifties. 100 first class fifties. 200 ODI 6s… The records will keep accelerating and the media will keep going crazy. Bear it Just for a few more years…

· Actually the truth is that Yeddy and Reddy got tired of fighting. They’ve taken a sabbatical. They’ll resume soon.

(November 16)

· Keep Crying. Keep Hugging. Keep Bitching. Keep Plotting. Keep Playing. Keep Acting. Keep Watching. Bigg Boss 3.

· In India, the more corrupt you are, the longer you live.

(November 14)

· If all our politicians suddenly went clean, then the Swiss Banking System would probably collapse and that country would go into economic depression.

· If our politicians pool in their black money together, then they could launch a separate country.

· The Google Wave just passed me by. Neither could I ride it and neither did it leave me wet.

(November 13)

· India finally has a counter to Rajneesh’s 93 Rolls Royces: Koda’s 600 bikes and 30 SUVs.

· Google should not have been so exclusive with Wave. You need lots of people to collaborate and right now there are too few people on Wave. A lot of people have switched off already as there’s nothing to do on Wave.

(11 November)

· Do you want to see your country win the 2011 World Cup? Then it’s not too late, you can still emigrate to Australia.

· Bangalore is the new London: Never leave home without an umbrella.

· While the dabbawallahs of Mumbai have reached Six Sigma, the efficiency of many darshinis in Bangalore would run them close.

· One day when India becomes 100% Internet Literate, will people like Shashi Tharoor be seen as legends?

· Question of the Son: AFTER getting the Nobel Peace Prize, can one do as much violence as one wants?

· The Chinese claim Arunachal as their own… so they should be happy that the Dali Lama is setting foot on Chinese soil…

(10 November)

· A few decades from now, when the Internet-addicted generation will start dying in large numbers, will inheritance of Inboxes and Social Networking Accounts be a big thing?

· Last choice Aussie bowler > First choice Indian bowler

· If Reddy is Ready, Yeddy is Steady.

(November 9)

· Is the Lotus slowly becoming extinct across India?

· The Hand has well and truly plucked the Lotus this year.

· Paisa<Rupee<Peti<Khoka<Koda

· Aussie Revival. Indian Decline. We were No. 1 for a day and couldn’t handle it. Aussies weren’t No. 1 for a few months and they couldn’t take it.

· If Obama actually visited Bangalore, saw the state of the roads and infrastructure, he would be tempted to give the $4 billion grant to Bangalore…

· When the Indian top order collapses, the Tail fires. When the top order is on song, the Tail presses the self-destruct button. Sigh!

· There seems to be no ReddyMade formula for the Karnataka Government Crisis.

· Looks like Bigg Boss 3 is a Crying Season Special.

(November 8 )

· Bush became an Oil Billionaire. Gore a Carbon Billionaire. Koda a Black Money Billionaire. To each his own, I guess…

(November 7)

· Tendulkar is the Rock Star of cricket. And all the commentators are his groupies.

· Bangalore is the Underpass capital of India. With so many rains all the time, hope they are floodproof!

· Karnataka Govt Race: Reddy! (not) Steady! (Yeddy will) Go!

· Progress in cricket. Before we used to sometimes self-destruct 50-100 runs before the end, now we do so 2-3 runs before the target.

(November 6)

· Deja vu! Tendulkar falls just 19 short of the target. Scores a brilliant century. Breaks another record. India lose the match anyway.

· Code of Koda: Apna Sapna Money Money

(November 5)

· Let’s have an Obama Day… A day when all day we will talk and talk good things but actually do no work.

· There is an old English saying: An ounce of image is worth a pound of performance. Obama has a pound of image, which translates into an apparent ton of performance.

· Reports say Obama is getting thinner during his Presidency. I’m not surprised: Talking burns a lot of calories.

(November 4)

· In Google Wave, you can do Multiple things like chat, email, upload photos, files, blog… with Multiple people over Multiple periods and replay it all in the end. Personally, that would give me Multiple headaches. Wave is totally ahead of “my time” atleast…

(November 3)

· Robin Singh sacked. India gives one of their best days on the field. A tribute? The law of averages catching up? We don’t need a fielding coach?

(November 2)

· After 2.5 years, he’s still Captain Cool and Captain Courageous. At this stage most Indian captains in the past have looked quite jaded or simply retired. World No. 1 for a record number of weeks + Victories galore = Still most people don’t rate him as a great all-time batsman!

(November 1)

© Sunil Rajguru

Random Thoughts 1

· Yesterday: He is my Friend, Philosopher and Guide.
Today: He is my Friend, Follower and Connection.

· Women are from this Universe. Men are from one that is yet to be discovered.

· Money can’t buy you happiness, but it sure can buy your kids’ peace.

· A tooth for a tooth will only make all the dentists of the world very rich.

· First we used to turn to fiction to escape reality, so now why do we turn to Reality shows?

· Expenditure does not automatically rise to meet income, you make it rise, because you have nothing else better to do in life.

· I love wasting time. I feel so rich when I do it!

· They are not at all “Social” in any way and should be called Virtual Networking Sites.

· Some children’s clothes are priceless, 100% cotton, but the threads are synthetic. So on a full iron, they come out well, but the threads burn.

· I get so less salary that today my Inbox directed my Salary Slip to the Junk Mail folder!

© Sunil Rajguru

Short Takes October 2009

· India needs the very mildest excuse to burst crackers at night or set up a pandal with 20,000 watt loudspeakers and spoil everyone’s sleep: Any vague festival, a cricket victory, a marriage…

· Obama is laying all the groundwork in his first term. All the achievements will flow like a waterfall in his second term.

· 2010 Commonwealth Games Baton Relay will cover the longest route. That symbolizes the longest delay in constructing Commonwealth Games infrastructure.

· BJP ke paas bache the do bade cheez: Karnataka aur Gujarat. Karnataka main infighting aur Gujarat main Flu. BJP ko bura waqt kab khatam hoga?

· First it was: Are you online or offline. Now: Are you Waveline?

(30 October)

·  Idiom: Hoist by one’s own petard. Meaning: Destroyed by the very device one had intended for another. Replace: Device with terrorist, one with Pak, another with India. Sad. Very sad. Not good for India in the long run.

· Dhon-Dhoni-dhun-run!

(29 October)

· Says Facebook: “News Feed” picks stories that “we think you’ll enjoy”… Oh yeah Facebook! Now you can read my mind too!

· Bengaluru aur Baarish. Do purane dost mil rahe hain.

· All the Indian PMs have talked soooooo much on peace in Kashmir, so how come none of them won a Nobel Peace Prize?

· TV watching kills brain cells and is not actually harmful for eyesight. Computers are good for the brain and usually computer screens are very harmful for the eyes. So…

(28 October)

· 2 Elephants fight. Grass gets trampled. 2 Tigers fight. Congress Grass flourishes.

· Dost. Man ka Jharoka. Pasand. Deewar. Parchiya. KisanNagar. Bhai Logon ka Yudh. Prashna-Uttar jo apni dil ki baat, bhoot kaal, vartaman kaal aur bhavishya kaal sab bataye… Yahi sab hain CheheraKitaab Meri Jaan!

(22 October)

· The climate is sure changing! The ice is cracking. India is warming up to the US on Kyoto, trade and other international issues. Ram Jaane peeth peeche kya khichdi pak rahi hain!

· Have you noticed how there’s been a sudden spurt of violence in Pak ever since Obama won the Peace Prize?

· New Delhi. 1982 Asiads. 2010 Commonwealth. 2040 Olympics? (I have a dream…)

(21 October)

· The Diwali Wars have finally ended! For days the atmosphere, human ear drums & respiratory systems have been under incessant attack from noise and smoke. Har Bhartiya insaan paise ko dhue main udaata chala gaya… P.S. In other news, Burnol met their annual targets.

(20 October)

· Happy (Cough! Cough!) Diwali. P.S. I want to see and feel Diwali, not smell and hear it 24/7.

(18 October)

· It’s fast turning out to be an Indian Pointless League

· Hope one day we all can have a Noisefree and Smokefree Diwali. Happy Diwali!

(17 October)

· Indo-Chinese ties: Crouching Dragon, Hidden Tiger

(14 October)

· Obama finally reaches the cult status of George W Bush.
All the stand-up comedians are making fun of him.

· Faith can move Mountains. Hope can win Nobel Prizes.

· We are truly the Gypsy Generation, hum logo ka koi thikana nahin hain job/citywise.

· Obama is donating his prize money to charity. The prize itself he’ll donate to Pakistan, that’s his only Hope to Peace.

· They are renaming the Nobel Prize, from now on it will be called the Nobel Prize for Hope.

(10 October)

· 2010: Obama gets Nobel Literature Prize for his books and compiled speeches
2011: Obama get Nobel Economics Prize for taking the world out of recession
2012: Obama gets Nobel Medicine Prize for healthcare reforms
2013: Obama gets second Nobel Peace Prize for actually bringing peace, the first time he got for just talking about it…

· I guess Obama must be as surprised as we are. Let’s see how “Peaceful” the rest of his term is. For us, it just means more and more billions in aid to our dear neighbour…

· What will happen to these trillions of words we are writing in cyberspace…

· In the last 25 years, Aus, SL and Pak are the only teams to have won an ODI WC. They are in one group and India is in another. It doesn’t get simpler than that.

(9 October)

© Sunil Rajguru