The 7 avatars of Pappu

Congress President and great 2019 Liberal Hope Rahul Gandhi is really bad software which keeps updated with endless versions. Nobody has probably received more image makeovers than him…

1. The Sphinx (Pre-2004)

Sphinx egypt-1179196_960_720The Nehru-Gandhi Dynasty is treated like royalty and shrouded in secrecy. Their Right to Privacy trumps the fundamental rights of 1.36 billion Indians. Before 2004 nobody knew anything about both Pappu and sister Priyanka and who would enter politics and whether both of them would.

Pappu was treated with kid gloves and travelled all over the world in his private cocoon, the security of which was sponsored by the Government of India. He was always seen as a future Prime Minister of India, though who was always in Priyanka’s shadow as she had captured the public imagination at that time.

2. The Gentleman (2004)

Suited man-3022704_960_720Pappu entered politics with a bang. A great debut. A win in Amethi. A Congress Prime Minister. After his mother turned down the Prime Minister’s post, he officially became the Heir Apparent and got far more respect in the Congress party than Prime Minister Manmohan ever could.

Pappu cultivated a calm gentlemanly political narrative and rarely got angry or engaged too much with any politician or media house. Then he got a triple whammy in the 2007 elections. He was promoted to Congress General Secretary, Chairperson of Indian Youth Congress and National Students Union of India.

3. The Statesman (2009)

Podium-1889056_960_720This is probably his peak. Pappu campaigned in many Lok Sabha constituencies and Congress saw an unexpected jump from 145 to 206 seats. The media and public went with the Singh is King Nuclear Deal narrative, but that was thrown into the dustbin within the Congress and full credit was given to Pappu.

In fact some even boasted that Manmohan would be kicked upstairs to the India President’s post in 2012, Pappu would be made Prime Minister and lead the Congress to 272+ seats in the 2014 elections. Many bought into this narrative.

4. The Angry Young Man (Run up to 2014)

Angry emoticon-1669804_960_720However that fell apart in 2010 with the Commonwealth Games scam which looked as damaging as Bofors at that time. However 2011 proved to be worse with the 2G scam and Anna Hazare’s August Kranti. It was all over by the 2012 Coalgate scam.

Pappu was protected. The party now became scared to announce him as Prime Ministerial candidate for 2014. Since the people were angry, Pappu was presented as the new Angry Young Man. He would roll up his sleeves, sport a stubble, rant and rave like a commoner and even tear up ordinances on a public stage.

But the Indian public in general and Twitter in particular saw him more of a comedian than a real life version of Amitabh Bachchan.

5. The Confused Young Man (2014 onward)

question road-sign-63983_960_720Everyone expected the BJP to win and Congress to lose, but the sheer magnitude of the loss shocked everyone. The lowest Lok Sabha seats the Congress ever got before 2014 was 114 and the highest the BJP got was 182.

So for the BJP to thrash Congress 282-44 was unprecedented and threw the Grand Old Party off guard. And also Pappu and his advisors? Was he the Great Unifier that would bring all the opposition together and challenge Modi? Or was he the Lone Ranger.

Was he the #KhaatPeCharcha “commoner” who would resonate with the masses? Was he the Angry Young Man Sequel returning to his rolled up sleeves and stubble ranting and raving at the establishment? Well he kept changing like a chameleon and the random changing colours made everyone’s head spin. Then he was also presented as a janeudhari Brahmin to appeal to the masses!

6. The Congress President (2017)

Tick mark-1013981_960_720Pappu paas ho gaya! Whether you like it or not, Pappu finally became the top ranking opposition leader. Mulayam Singh Yadav and Mayawati are powerless. Karunanidhi and Jayalalitha are no more. Nitish Kumar is with NDA and KCR may go that way too after 2019. Chandrababu Naidu has accepted Pappu as his master. Arvind Kejriwal is a bigger joke. Naveen Patnaik and Mamata Banerjee are confined to their respective states.

With Sonia Gandhi stepping down from the party President’s post, Pappu is finally the undisputed numero uno in Opposition India. Of course it’s not that his personal stature has grown, but the fact that everyone has shrunk around him!

7. The Great Hope (2019)

superhero-2503808_960_720Make no mistake. The media, intellectuals and Liberals still hate Prime Minister Narendra Modi with all their hearts and souls. In the run up to the 2019 general elections, all of Pappu’s gaffes, jokes, mistakes, foh pahz, misdemeanours… will be totally forgotten and he will be presented fresh for the umpteenth time as the Great Hope of 2019 (the Great Hope of 2014 that was created in 2009 will be simply repackaged).

General political musings…

nehru-2361331_640Great great grandson of Motilal, great grandson of Nehru, grandson of Indira and son of Rajiv-Sonia blasts dynastic politics in Telangana.

With the way they are still being unearthed, if Modi wins in 2019, then I have a feeling that we will still be discussing UPA scams till 2024

Politics is the only place where education is irrelevant.
Delhi CM is an IITian.
Bihar Dy CM is 9th pass.
Both are equally useless.

1984: Rajiv takes charge.
1986: Bofors.
1999: Vajpayee re-elected.
2001: Operation West End.
2009: Manmohan re-elected.
2011: August Kranti.
Modi escapes 2-year itch.

In 1990 Lalu became Bihar Chief Minister and immediately brought in Jungle Raj and became the worst politician.
After 27 years he is still being “raided” and “charged” and ruling Bihar quite comfortably.

Tea Party kicked Angrez out of American politics.
Beef Party will kick out Congrez from Indian politics.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

The truth about the Congress party…

india-1293882_640Netaji gave us Independence.
Patel unified India.
Shastri laid foundations of modern India.
Rao reformed economics and foreign policy.
#GandhiNehruSham

The man with no spine…
Rao: Bring in reforms.
Manmohan: Yes, sir.
Sonia: Destroy the country.
Manmohan: Yes, madam.

#RememberingRajiv
Bofors
Anti-Sikh riots
Bhopal tragedy
Shah Bano
LTTE mess
Defamation Bill
HDW scam
Black money
KGB links
Crony capitalism
Gift of Sonia to the nation

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Modi kuch bhi kare, credit Congress ko jaata hai

Modi is tech savvy.
Par computers to Rajiv laya tha!
Modi is mending ties with Bangladesh.
Par Bangladesh to Indira layi thi!
Modi is reforming India.
Par Manmohan reforms laya tha!
Modi is transforming foreign policy.
Par foreign policy to Nehru laya tha!
Modi is building a strong party.
Par political party to Congress laya tha!
Modi is taking India to new heights.
Par India to Mahatma Gandhi laya tha!

Raj karenge Pappini aur Pappu

Work experience zero.
Talent zero.
Charisma zero.
Ideas zero.
Government expenditure on her tremendous.
Husband dubious.
Pappini the Great.

She may look a bit like Indira.
But she talks like Pappini.
And has far less experience than even nausikhiya Pappu.

Nehru created democracy.
Indira created economy.
Rajiv created technology.
Sonia created society.
Pappu will create Utopia.
-Book of Congress.

ISRO: We launched 104 satellites at one go and were successful!
Congress: That’s nothing! We’ll launch Sonia’s satellite 104 times and still fail!
#Pappu

Pappu has to perform just 1% for Congress leaders to dance on one leg.
Modi has to perform 99% for his haters to absolutely plaster him over the missing 1%.

Critic to Pappu: Your mother, father, grandmother and great grandfather responsible for mess.
Congressis: OK, let’s protest against Modi’s mother.

Rajiv humiliated Manmohan.
Sonia humiliated Manmohan.
Pappu humiliated Manmohan.
Next in line was Pappini.
Modi jumped the queue.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Pappini, Pappu and other stories…

Pappu/Pappini: Mere paas (SPG cover ki) gaadi hai, (Lutyens) bangla hai, bank balance hai… aur maa bhi hai! Tere paas kya hai?
Modi: Mere paas woh sab hai aur us ke saath kaam bhi hai!

Rajiv ¼ of Indira.
Sonia ¼ of Rajiv.
Pappu ¼ Sonia.
Pappini (Priyanka) ¼ of Pappu.
So the Pappini Raj begins in the Congress!

#PriyankaVadra
The woman who does nothing, achieved nothing and is nothing.
But for the party and media is everything.
#Pappini

Naidu.
Nitish.
Maya.
Patnaik.
Mulayam.
Mamata.
Any senior leader…
100 times more political achievements than Priyanka.
#Pappini

If Priyanka is like February 29 coming every 4 years, then media is like “365 24X7″: Any time ready to elevate and legitimize her!

Congress: We will double our power with Priyanka’s entry!
Problem: Pappu = 0. Pappini = 0.
0 X 2 = 0.

The fall.
Yesterday: Priyanka will get us a majority in 543 Lok Sabha seats!
Today: She will get us a majority in 105/403 UP Assembly seats!

Sonia’s Top 10 ruining India?
Look the other way.
Modi’s Top 10 trying to bring change?
Highlight some random Sangh leader’s remark 24X7.

Breaking news headline…
Politics of hate erupts in Uttar Pradesh!
So, that means Akhilesh’s Goonda Raj was spreading love for 5 years?

A man who is full of rhetoric and has no substance claims that #Budget2017 is full of rhetoric and has no substance.
#Pappu

A Tale of Two Pappus.
#SPCongAlliance

Congress doesn’t need mass leaders but managers*: Krishna.
(*=managers of the Dynasty’s egos)

West Bengal went from Centre Left (Congress) to Left (CPM) to far Left (Mamata).
Truly Left Bengal.
Or like the Eastern Bloc, spiritually East Bengal.

Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi.
AAP Wars Final Episode: The Last Jhadu.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru