Bargaining for 2014 Maharashtra Assembly elections, Shiv Sena style…

BJP: Kya bhaav hai?

Shiv Sena: 151.

BJP: Thoda kam nahin ho sakta kya?

Sena: 151.

BJP: 130 consider karoge kya?

Sena: 151.

BJP: 140 nahin chalega kya?

Sena: 151.

BJP: Arre bhai, 140 ko chala lo!

Sena: 151.

BJP: 145?

Sena: 151.

BJP: Ek kaam kar lo, hum aapko saare 288 seats hi de dete hai!

© Sunil Rajguru

The BJP-Shiv Sena relationship status…

For 25 years: Happily married!

Some time back: Working on our relationship.

After that: It’s complicated.

Now: We haven’t the foggiest idea what our relationship status is!

Congress-NCP: We’ll have what they’re having.

MNS: Now in the relationship (or marriage) market.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

When the Shiv Sena and BJP broke up in Maharashtra…

Maharashtra politics…
2006: Pramod Mahajan, RIP.
2012: Vilasrao Deshmukh, RIP.
2012: Balasaheb Thackeray, RIP.
2014: Gopinath Munde, RIP.
2014: BJP-Sena alliance, RIP.
2014: Congress-NCP alliance, RIP.

February 14: Valentine’s Day.
September 25: Breakup Day.

When the news channels didn’t know whether they were breaking or not…

The BJP-Shiv Sena alliance is like Schrodinger’s Cat because it is simultaneously alive and dead.

Breaking News for 10 days…
BJP-Shiv Sena/NCP-Congress on the verge of breaking/breakthrough.
(Means we haven’t the foggiest idea but we will say we were right no matter what happens in the end)

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

NDA communalism musings…

·...yaha se pachaas pachaas kos door gaon main jab secularist/civil society/Congressi bachcha raat ko rota hai to maa kahati hai beta soja ..soja nahi to Modi pradhan mantri ban jaayega…

· Finally media, Congress, JD(U) have formed a pro-BJP outfit: RSPCA.
(Royal Society of Prevention of Cruelty to Advani)

· The Bihar BJP-JD(U) marriage is like a husband and wife getting perfectly along but divorcing due to father-in-law problems.

· Bihar BJP’s new war cry…
Modi for CM! Modi for PM!

· Dear Nitish Kumar,
You have successfully uninstalled Communalism and installed Secularism on your Political Computer.
Don’t be under the illusion that your computer won’t totally crash or at least keep hanging from now on.

· Na rahega BJP ka baas to nahin bajegi NDA ki basoori.
Arthath: For BJP, currently self-preservation is more important than coalition.

· How?
Modi = Communal, Genocidal, Dictatorial.
Hence Anti-Modi = Secular, Humane, Democratic.
Congress = Communal, Genocidal, Dictatorial.
Hence pro-Congress = Secular, Humane, Democratic.

· Journo 1: My favourite dish is Banana Split. What about yours?
Journo 2: NDA Split!

· BJP was touchable till 2004.
Now its untouchable.
2014: If it gets 40 more seats than Cong, then politically it’ll become highly touchable.

· NDA to sasura 2004 main hi mar gaya tha.
Log abhi kyun maatam mana rahe hai?
2014 ki picture baaki kya, shuru bhi nahin hui hai!

· Somewhere in the world, they are trying to revive the extinct mammoth.
In Bihar, BJP-JD(U) are desperately trying to revive an extinct Laloo.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

To be or not to be, that is the question…

Politics in India is facing Hamlet style dilemmas…

Karnataka BJP…
To split or not to split, that is the question.

Nitish on NDA…
To quit or not to quit, that is the question.

Mamata on UPA…
To exit or not to exit, that is the question.

UPA on explaining the economy…
To bullshit or not to bullshit, that is the question.

Planning Commission woes…
To shit (in such an expensive loo!) or not to shit, that is the question.

ACP Dhoble when he enters a Mumbai bar…
To beat or not to beat, that is the question.

Rahul Gandhi’s entire political philosophy…
To eat (in a poor man’s house) or not to eat, that is the question.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru