2012 Assembly poll result musings…

Maya: Sab Rahul ne bigaada!
Rahul: Ye sab Maya hai!

∙ Akhilesh: Mere paas UP hai, satta hai, power hai, , future hai, state main goonda log, minorities, even middle class, sab kuch mere paas hai… tere paas kya hai?
Rahul: Mere paas maa hai!

∙ The Congress glass is half-full/half-empty spin (Con)…
Detractors: The glass is 7/8ths empty
Cong: The glass is 1/8ths full.
(Roughly based on UP Assembly seat share)

∙ RAHUL will now stand for Rahul After Humiliating Uttarpradesh Loss.
Or maybe…
Rahul nahin Akhilesh Hain Uttarpradesh ka Lal.

∙ In UP, BSP will stand for…
Bahumat: Samajwadi Party.

∙ Looks like Rahul gave more speeches than seats that the Congress party won.

∙ How Rahul spectacularly succeeded…
Rahul through his aggressive campaigning opened the eyes of the voters to Maya’s misrule. That’s why they promptly went ahead and voted for the SP!

∙ The Law of the Diminishing Dynasty…
Rajiv: 404 LS Seats.
Sonia: 206 LS seats.
Rahul: Less than 50 UP Assembly seats (In alliance!).

© Sunil Rajguru

Random poll musings…

∙ Nowadays there are a lot of quota-ble quotes in the election speeches.

∙ In politics first there were wheels within wheels.
Nowadays there are quotas within quotas.

Q: What’s the first thing you’ll do if you come to power in UP?
A: Make sure that the covers never come off Maya’s statues!

∙ PM: Actually I’m more worried about malnutrition in FDI.

© Sunil Rajguru

Random Sunday political musings…

An unequal fight…
The Team: Mere paas Anna (Bada bhai) hai, tere paas kya hai?
Rahul: Mere paas maa hai!
(Aur bonus main baap, dadi aur pardada ki legacy!)

∙ It’s a shame that any leader would want to build statues of himself or herself all over the place.
Once again it’s an Indian bureaucrat that is covering a politician’s shame.

∙ Congress war cry: Hamse jo takarayega, Corruption main mil jaayega.
(Take that Team Anna, BJP…)

© Sunil Rajguru

Overheard 11…

Wife: Swami!
PC: Woh naam mat lo mere saamne!

Party worker: Ki chhora Ganga kinare waala…
Maya: Mat gaana ga woh! Chhora haath dho kar hi peeche pad gaya hai UP ke!

Worker: Can sir…
Rahul: Cancer? Stop talking nonsense!

Sometime after the World Cup final…
Madam: Sachin is a real bharat ratna!
PC (To himself): Hmmm, now we’ll have to change the rules!

© Sunil Rajguru

Divide, rule and enjoy!

Advisor: Madam, aapke chaar problems hai: Bhrashtachar, anti-incumbency, image aur development.
Madam: Rajya ke chaar tukde kar do!

Diggy Raja: Yuvraj, woh aapka stepping stone hai pradhan mantri ke pad ke liye.
Yuvraj: Mummy! Woh mere stepping stone ke chaar tukde kar rahi hai!

Mulayam: Ek tukda Maya ke paas. Ek Ajit le jaayega. Ek shaayad Congress ya BJP le jaayega. Phir bhi mere liye ek tukda bachta hai. Waise, idea bura nahin hai!

Amar Singh: Actually, mera network bhi bad jaayega!

At Rashtrapati Bhawan: Three more Governors to lord over!

Government contractors: More assemblies! More offices! More quarters! More orders! More development…

The ghost of Mountbatten: Hmmm… the United Provinces is finally getting Divided…

© Sunil Rajguru

Said and unsaid…

What Rahul told the voters of UP: How long will you have to continue begging?
What he meant: How long will I have to continue begging for Prime Ministership?

What the official said over 2G: The Rs 1.76 lakh crore figure is grossly inflated.
What he meant: The intense pressure from the Centre has squeezed and flattened the actual amount.

What Maya said: I am dividing UP into four states.
What she meant: Is Congress the only empire? Why can’t I “Divide and Rule” and have a Mayawi empire?

What happened: Petrol prices cheaper by Rs 2.
What it means: Two steps backward and two steps forward. True progress, India ishtyle!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru